Personal History for Rhoda Lemkin

Dedication Chapter

Title of Your Autobiography

"The Life and Times of Rhoda Heller Lemkin"

Date of completion.

My "REMEMBERING" took several months to complete from the original text to the editing. I wrote this autobiography at the request of my children : Jeffrey Lemkin, James Lemkin, Jonathan Lemkin, Gayle Lemkin Alpert and Carolyn Lemkin.

Date of Completion : May 31, 2009

Words of wisdom, favorite quote, or words to live by:

The words of wisdom that have guided my life come not from a book but from living. "Play fair and don't cheat. Tell the truth, lies will eventually catch you. Say your sorry if you hurt someone and mean it. Learn something new every day. Enrich your life through art, music and literature. Laugh often and smile, it feels good. Take root in your community and give to the less fortunate. If you work and get paid for it, then do your best. Take a nap when you are tired to refresh your spirit. Be thankful for all you have - your family, your friends and your religion - for they are the stock of which you are made. Try to make each day better than the one that came before. Remember to care for the seeds you have planted, the next generation that will follow in your footsteps."

Just The Facts

In a few pages, what is summary of your life story?

I consider my life blessed. I've lived through turbulent political periods: World War II, The Cold War, The Korean War, The Vietnam War and the ongoing war in Iraq and Afghanistan although none touched me directly. I saw men land on the moon, celebrated a new millieum and traveled with my husband to London, Israel and Italy.
I was raised by loving parents. I have one sister six years younger. We were a close family. My aunts, uncles and cousins formed a network of loving relationships. The friendships I made in my youth have lasted to this day. My parents worked hard so I could have ballet lessons and ice-skating lessons. I learned to saddle, dress and ride horses. I went to Cotillion with many of my friends, where boys and girls learned the social graces of ballroom dancing and etiquette. A black nanny cared for my sister and me while my mother worked. I spent summers at the shore and winter weekends skiing in Vermont.
My life, however, was not without stress. My paternal grandmother, Bubbe Heller, took me with her to New York after the war had ended to pick up our relatives, Manya and Saul and their young son who was born in a concentration camp in Europe. I remember how gaunt they looked and spied black numbers etched on their arms. One day I saw a newsreel at the movies of the liberated concentration camps. Now I knew the horrors they had endured. Those images are still with me today.
During my junior year of college I taught school in Camden County, Georgia. The year was 1958. Racial discrimination was a way of life in the south. I witnessed the injustice done to Afro-Americans. The summer after graduation, I married a wonderful man whose friendship and support I value. As if those horrible images of German concentration camps had a hand in our joining, his relative, a cousin by the name of Raphael Lemkin, coined the word "genocide."
I worked as a teacher in an elementary school while my husband built his CPA firm. He still works too many hours. We had five children between 1961 and 1968. I love them dearly. Our eldest, Jeff was very ill as a toddler and we almost lost him. Today he is a healthy and active adult approaching fifty. Our third son, Jonathan, was hit by a car when he was eight. That event had a traumatic effect on our whole family. He survived, my husband and I survived, yet the memory of that awful day still lingers.
We moved from apartment to apartment when the children were young. With each birth, we'd move again. We now have a lovely home on two acres of land in a rural community called Woodbridge that we've lived in for over thirty years. We have plenty of room for our eight grandchildren to run around in when they visit. We lost one grandchild, Jack, when he was six weeks old. He died of SIDS. That is our one great tragedy besides losing our parents.
I have many friends both male and female. I've know them since childhood. They are always there for me even when I don't ask for their help.
I went back to work after the children were old enough to tend to themselves and still work today. Teaching was my first career, the second, a full-time mother. I went back to graduate school in my mid-thirties to become our town's Librarian. After thirteen years, I retired. I was unhappy in retirement. I wasn't leading a useful life for I don't like to be idle. Now I work part-time at an elementary school. I've come full circle back to my first career. It gives me great pleasure to help others, especially children.
I've tried to instill in my children a respect for all people whether rich or poor, to work hard at a job you love and to always be open to learning something new every day. But most of all, I've learned that family comes first. Love them, appreciate their strengths, tolerate their weaknesses and be at the ready to offer support.

Please enter the date you began answering these questions.

I began my biography on January 1, 2009 at the age of 70. The Remembering Site was a Chanukah gift from my children, bless them.

What is your name (first, middle, maiden name, last)? Do you like your name? If you could, would you choose another? What name would you choose? Who were you named for?

My name is Rhoda Heller Lemkin. I never liked my first name as a child for it sounded so adult, but I like it now. It was a popular girl's name when I was born. I haven't heard of a baby named Rhoda now. No, I would not choose another name, I've grown into it.
I was named for my father's grandmother. It's the tradition in Jewish families to name a child after a deceased family member. Her name was Rukel in Jewish, my name is the English variant and my Hebrew name is Rukel.

Are you male or female?

I am female.

In what country, state, and city were you born? What hospital?

I was born at Yale New Haven Hospital in New Haven, Connecticut. Connecticut is a north eastern state of The United States of America. Today, the hospital has grown to incorporate a cancer center, a mental health facility and is recognized as one of the outstanding teaching hospitals in the country.

What is your birth order?

I am the eldest of two children, both girls.

How old are you today? How old do you feel?

It is the end of January and I am 70 years old. In June, I will be 71. I really don't feel old except when I look in the mirror. I feel like 50. Age is only a number, isn't it?

Do you speak any foreign languages?

No, I don't speak any foreign languages, at least not well enough to be understood by a native. When I was young, I could speak a little Yiddish because that's the language I heard spoken in our home besides English. When Ed and I traveled to Israel, the little vocabulary I mastered helped us communicate although most Israelis speak English.

What is your birth date?

My birthdate is June 30, 1938.

Are you right-handed or left-handed?

I am right-handed.

Are you near-sighted or far-sighted?

I am both near-sighted and far-sighted. It is called mixed astigmatism. I don't see well at night so I try not to drive after the sun sets.

What is your height, your weight, your eye color? Do you wear corrective lenses?

I am five feet tall, weigh around 125 lbs. and have green eyes. Yes, I wear eyeglasses. Recently, I had a bone density test for osteoporosis. The technician asked how tall I used to be. I used to be five feet two inches tall. My spinal bones have compressed.

What is your mate's name?

My husband's name is Edward Lemkin. He does not have a middle name, nor do I.

What was your maiden name? If you are a woman and married, was it difficult to give up your maiden name and take your husband's name?

My maiden name was Rhoda Heller. I don't have a middle name. No, it was not difficult to give up my maiden name. I liked the name Lemkin, thought it went well with Rhoda.

What is your anniversary date? How many years have you been married or were you married?

Ed and I were married August 13, 1960. We've been married 49 years this August. In 2010, we will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.

Are you overweight or underweight?

For my height, I am overweight.

How many children do you have? What are their names? How old are they?

We have five children. Jeffrey David Lemkin is 48, James Marc Lemkin is 46, Jonathan Stuart Lemikin is 44, Gayle Lemkin Alpert is 42, and Carolyn Inez Lemkin turned 41 this past January.

How many grandchildren do you have? What are their full names (first, middle, last)? How old are they?

We had ten grandchildren. Annie Schneider Lemkin now lives with her biological father. Jack Andrew Lemkin, born June 26, 1999 died August 7, 1999. Abigail Elizabeth Alpert will be 7 on March 16, 2009. Sophie Emma Alpert will be 5 on March 25, 2009. Emily Michaela Lemkin will be 14, April 7, 2009. Molly Jordan Lemkin will be 12 on May 6, 2009. Maxwell Adam Lemkin will be 15 on July 15, 2009. Brianna Simcha Lemkin will be 13 on July 21, 2009. Shainna Ganet Lemkin will be 12, August 5, 2009 and Edina Sophie Lemkin will be 12, October 24, 2009.

What is, or was, your occupation?

My first career was teaching elementary school. Next I became the Reference Librarian at the Woodbridge Public Library for 13 years until my retirement. I am now a Title 1 tutor at Peck Place School in Orange which is a part-time position. And always, I am a wife, mother and grandmother.

What is your race? What is your religion? What is your political affiliation?

I am of the white race, a Jew and have no political affiliation although I lean toward the Democrats.

Do you live in the suburbs, a city, a town, or in a rural area? What is the population? Do you live in an apartment, a house, a condominium, or a retirement home?

I live in a suburban community just beyond New Haven, Connecticut called Woodbridge. The town's population is around 9,000. My husband and I live in a two story colonial that we built in 1978 on 2 and a half acres of grassland and woods.

Are you allergic to anything? What is your blood type?

I am not allergic to anything that I'm aware of although I did have a very bad reaction to medication given to me when I was hospitalized for pneumonia ten years ago. My blood type is B positive.

How would you describe yourself?

I worry too much about things I have no control over and I am very impatient. I am a mother who still worries about her children even though, now approaching middle age, they can work out their own problems very well without any assistance from me.

Your Family and Ancestry

List the names and birthdates of your mother, father, maternal grandmother, paternal grandmother, maternal grandfather, paternal grandfather and other great grandfathers and grandmothers. What did you call them?

My mother, Esther Hevenstone was born in Randolph, Vermont, November 4,1913. She died at age 76 on January 14, 1989. Joseph Heller, my dad, was born in Russia, sorry I do not know the town, on December 23, 1911. He died on March 1, 1973 at age 62. My maternal grandmother's maiden name was Klebanoff. The Klebanoff family made their home both in New Haven and Hartford, Connecticut. They were prominent members of both communities, active in the Democratic Party and local politics. Edward Klebanoff became Probate Judge in New Haven in the 1960's. Howard Klebanoff, a fellow high school graduate ran for the State Senate. He still serves that position today. His wife, Sandra became Mayor of West Hartford in the late 90's.
The Jewish name for grandmother is Bubbe. And the Jewish name for grandfather is Zayde. That is what I called my grandparents. Our children called my mother and father, Bubbe and Zayde but Ed's parents wanted to be called Nana and Papa. Our grandchildren call my husband, Zayde and me? I am their Bubbe. I didn't want to be a granny, or a Nana. I love being called Bubbe and my husband loves being known as Zayde.
Goldie Heller, my father's mother was born in Russia in 1886. She died at age 71 on May 24,1957. Jacob Heller, also born in Russia in 1881, died on September 28, 1961 at age 80. Ida Klebanoff Hevenstone, my mother's mother was born in Poland in 1867. She died at age 73 on May 28, 1950. My grandfather David Hevenstone, also born in Poland in 1871, died February 29, 1940 at age 69.

Do you have brothers and sisters? What are their names? When were they born? Do you remember the first time you saw them?

My sister, Linda was born on May 9,1944. I would turn 6 that June. I had wanted a brother. My father sensed my disappointment and explained that there were only girl babies at the hospital and they chose the prettiest. The subject of where babies came from was never discussed in our home. I don't think I really understood what my parents did in their bedroom until I entered junior high.
I peered out my bedroom window as my mother returned home after two weeks in the hospital. She carried baby Linda in her arms wrapped in a blanket. It can still be very chilly in Connecticut in May.
My mother hugged and kissed me. I was so happy. I thought she had forgotten all about me, and was relieved to discover she hadn't. Aunt Mary came upstairs and we followed my parents down the hall into their bedroom where they laid Linda on the bed. The blanket was pulled aside so we could get a closer look. I wasn't at all impressed. Linda looked like a pink monkey to me.

Where was your mother born? Where was your father born? What circumstances brought your parents to the place where you were born? Were there people already there whom they knew, or did they come into the community alone? Was the community welcoming to them?

My mother, the youngest of five Hevenstone children, was born in Randolph, Vermont in 1913. Her parents, Ida and David were the only Jewish family in Randolph. In fact, they were the only Jews for miles around. The family emigrated from Great Britain to Vermont in 1913. Bubbe Hevenstone(Ida), pregnant with my mother was 36, and Zayde Hevenstone,(David) was 41. In doing research for my biography, I discovered that David was only five feet six inches tall. I never knew that. Ida Hevenstone was very short as well, only five feet. They had four children at that time. Bessie 10, Nathan 8, Max 2, and Henry 1. Zayde Hevenstone was a wholesale dealer in scrap iron and metals. He also sold bagging, ropes, paper stock and hoses all from his horse-drawn wagon. Why he chose to settle in Vermont is unknown to me. But it's clear why they decided to uproot and travel to New Haven in 1925. The children were growing older. Soon a mate would be chosen and there weren't any acceptable options in Vermont. Besides, David had to travel down to Keene, New Hampshire to purchase kosher meats. With five children in tow, it was a long and difficult trip. There's another reason why David packed up the family and moved. The boys were quite handsome and had an eye for the ladies. Nate impregnated a local gal. This was a huge family secret. I found out about it quite by accident when I was a teenager. One day a woman came to visit our home while Uncle Nate was living with us. She wasn't alone. She was accompanied by her husband and a young child. This woman, I was told after endless questions, was Uncle Nate's daughter. I'm glad Uncle Nate kept in contact with her. I never saw her again.
My grandfather, David, listed his occupation on his immigration papers as a peddler and junk dealer. It was natural for Jews fleeing the pogroms of Eastern Europe to escape by sea across the Atlantic Ocean to Canada. From there, the Hevenstone family continued their trek down to the lower forty-eight, finally settling in Vermont where they felt welcomed. Five children came in quick succession: Bessie, Nathan, Max, Henry and Esther. Little Henry died in infancy from diphtheria. The Hevenstones selected New Haven probably because other relatives were already living there.
My father, on the other hand, was born in Russia. He was but a child when my Bubbe and Zayde Heller escaped to freedom. Because the wave of anti-communist fervor swept our nation in the early 50's, my father kept his birthplace a secret. He claimed he was born in New York, Brooklyn I think. I remember very vividly a family trip to Canada one summer. At the border my father was in a near panic fearing the border guards would question his papers.
The Hellers were furriers. I suppose they settled in New Haven due to its close proximity to New York where my Bubbe Heller's sister and brother-in-law lived. They rented an apartment on Legion Avenue and worked their trade. Soon they had enough money to buy a three family house around the corner on Asylum Street and then they purchased a luncheonette on the corner of Legion and Asylum with apartments above which they rented out. The neighborhood was almost entirely made up of Jewish families and businesses. They thrived there and bought more property. Their wealth grew with each new purchase. Bubbe Heller took the train into New York every morning where she worked for a fur company styling beautiful coats for the store's wealthy cliental. Zayde Heller stayed home to cut fur skins and take care of their properties. America, for both sets of grandparents, was the land where if you worked hard, anything was possible.

Tell about your aunts and uncles. Did they play an important part in your growing up? Do you remember any special aunts and uncles?

Yes indeed. My aunts and uncles, especially on my mother's side, played a pivotal role in my growing up. My Aunt Sally was a very loving and generous person. I slept over her home often. And although their house was small, they always had room for me. I remember one time in particular when my parents were going to the Catskills on vacation as they usually did in the summer, I didn't want to go. I was fifteen, I could certainly stay home alone for two days. But as soon as my parents and sister left, I became very apprehensive of being left in that big house by myself. I called my Aunt Sally, crying. Uncle Max drove over and picked me up. I spent that weekend with them.
My father's sister Mary and her husband, Norman, lived downstairs. Naturally, we were very close, too. Mary was a very beautiful, stylish woman and I adored Uncle Norman. He was such an interesting person. I remember seeing this strange man out in the side yard wearing sweatpants, jumping rope. He had a fine build, very muscular. He was a prize fighter that Uncle Norman managed. I don't know if he ever won any fights in his welterweight division. Mary loved to go horseback riding as I did. We'd put on our crops and off we'd go for an afternoon on the trails. The Boston Post Road in the late 40's, had the best stables. My father worked for the stables during his free time. He rode the wild horses until they stopped bucking and rearing up. His job was to break the horses down enough for the stables public trade. We rode English style, the real test of horsemanship.
Aunt Mary dated several soldiers before she married Norm. One smitten beau wrote me a letter from Europe to say he was bringing me a monkey as a gift. I waited and waited for him to come home. When he did, there was no monkey. The soldier explained the animal had died on ship crossing the Atlantic. You can imagine how disappointed I was. I never talked to that soldier again as if the death of the monkey was all his fault.

Did you play with your cousins? Who are some of the cousins you know best?

I played frequently with my cousins Harvey and Anita who were my Uncle Max's children. We are very close today. My Aunt Sally, Max's wife, was a second mother to me. Harvey and I would dress up in capes and hats and perform skits to the delight of our parents. We were real hams when it came to acting. I also played with my cousins Leah and Mickey, my Aunt Bessie's children. They were several years older than I, but I loved to be in their company, especially when they were dancing and singing. Leah had a lovely voice and sang professionally in New York. She just turned 80. Mickey and her husband Bud, now in their late 70's and early 80's are still dancing. Everyone stops to watch them glide across the dance floor. Mickey, Anita and I have lunch together at least once a month. We are the older generation now and it's important to all of us to keep in contact. Leah's husband Marvin lit up every room he walked into. He had a fabulous sense of humor. My parents adored him, especially my father who endured hours of teasing. It's no wonder that Marvin's hobby was to collect clown figurines. He died last year from lung cancer. Leah lives in Florida. Whenever she's in town, we'll schedule our cousins lunch then, so she can join us.

Was there someone your family was particularly proud of?

We are extremely proud of a member of Ed's family, Raphael Lemkin. He was a Polish professor of law who escaped to Sweden and then to the United States before the Holocaust. During the Holocaust the Germans murdered 49 members of his family. Raphael found teaching positions on international law both at Duke and Yale Universities but he gave them up to devote his life to convince the nations of the world to make it an international crime to carry out genocide. He coined the word in a book he wrote in 1944 titled "The Axis." From the spring of 1946 until December 6, 1948, Raphael walked the halls of the United Nations until the General Assembly, in Paris, adopted his resolution, "The Genocide Convention." This was the United Nation's first human rights treaty. That was a proud day for humanity and a prouder one for us. The United States refused to sign the treaty. Raphael Lemkin was considered for the Nobel Peace Prize, backed by his friend, Winston Churchill. Finally, in 1986, the United States Senate gave its consent. The United States signed the treaty two years later. I wrote a letter to President Reagan, expressing our family's deepest gratitude. Unfortunately, Raphael Lemkin never knew his battle was finally over. He died alone on August 28, 1959, without medals or prizes, in a hotel room in New York. In October of 1989, Ed and I were the guests of the Franklin and Elinor Roosevelt Institute who awarded the Freedom of Worship Medal posthumously to Dr. Raphael Lemkin. The award was accepted by Hyman Bookbinder, who worked for the United States ratification of the Genocide Convention in 1988. This ceremony was held in Hyde Park, New York at St. James Church where President Roosevelt worshipped. Among others in attendance were Walter Cronkite (Freedom of Speech Medal); Dr. Dorothy Height (Freedom from Want Medal) and Senator J. William Fulbright (Freedom from Fear Medal.)
Raphael's life and work make the Lemkin Family very proud, indeed.

If you could do anything differently about your family, what would it be?

I would like to be closer to my sister. We rarely see one another even though we live only a few miles apart. Perhaps it was the difference in our ages that kept us from bonding when we were young. Now that we're both seniors, I'd like us to have a warmer relationship. Believe me, I've tried to pull us closer. I guess by her reaction to my attempts, it's just not what she wants. If I could only turn the clock back to 1987, I'd treat my mother differently. I didn't spend enough time with her especially near the end of her life. She was the dearest thing to me, I loved her with all my heart and I hope she knew that. I hope she took that unspoken knowledge to her grave. I miss her terribly.

Did the family get together much casually, or did you have to travel and dress up to spend time together?

Our family gatherings were mostly on the casual side. We'd dress up for special occasions like weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. I remember family picnics and beach outings with my mother's family at a seaside park in Bridgeport. My father's family, most of whom lived in New York, would visit us at our beach cottage on Gerard Street in Milford. Most are gone now except for Lester Sackett who married my cousin Lil. Lester just celebrated his 97th birthday. I speak to him about every 2 weeks. He lives in an assisted living facility in Kew Gardens, New York. He is an exceptional individual.

Was yours a religious family? Did you attend services together? Were these dress-up affairs?

In the beginning, my parents kept the kosher dietary laws. But when Bubbe Heller died, tref food found their way into our home. We celebrated all the Jewish holidays with lavish dinners and parties. We hardly ever attended Sabbath services, yet on Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, my mother and I walked miles to Synagogue for it was prohibited to operate a car on a sacred holiday. I never understood her reasoning since we weren't that observant. My father drove to synagogue due to his ill health. I would wander from synagogue to synagogue visiting friends. Now you must purchase tickets to attend services at most synagogues. The men were pious in shul, the women, seated on the upper floor, would yak and yak. Were these dress-up affairs? They were fashion shows.

Did your family say grace? Did you sit down at the table together for every meal?

No we did not say grace before meals. My father worked nights for the Armstrong Rubber Company and by day for himself at his automobile business. He arrived home when I was leaving for school, then went to sleep until mid-afternoon. During the afternoon, he was either on the phone or delivering cars to his customers. Then he went to sleep again. I was in bed for the night when he left for work at Armstrong so we never sat down as a family together for meals except on weekends and holidays.

Did your family take vacations? Did you go to the same place every year; a summer house or resort?

My parents talked about going to Israel. They never made the trip. For one week each summer, we went to Brown's Hotel in the Catskills and one year, we vacationed in Quebec, Canada. Our cottage in Woodmont is where we spent our summers until my parents sold the cottage for $10,000. I was 16. The borough of Woodmont experienced a decline in the 50's, houses lost their value, the economy slid into a recession. Bubbe Heller wanted to purchase another cottage on the water but my parents felt it was not a wise investment. Today waterfront property in Woodmont is worth millions. Most of the homes have been winterized and remodeled for year round use. My parents did not have the foresight my grandmother had. I know they regretted their decision.
I've driven by the cottage on Gerard Street and am amazed how small it is. When I lived there, it was such a grand place. A screened front porch led to the living room then to the dining room and kitchen. I remember with excitement, waiting for the iceman to come with his large bloc of ice for the refrigerator. My mother would bathe us in a large metal tub in the backyard for we only had an outdoor shower. The full bath was upstairs and she didn't want us tracking sand through the house. I loved our summers at the shore.

Do you remember any special stories your grandmother or grandfather told you? Do you tell any of the same stories to your grandkids?

The only story I can remember is the one my Bubbe Heller told about the time Zayde Heller was sent to prison in Russia. Something about him not repaying a debt and lying to the authorities. I would never repeat that story to my grandchildren. I read them stories someone else had written. Grandmother, Bubbe Heller, also spoke of their escape from Russia over the Ural Mountains. Zayde Heller carried my father on his back while my Bubbe lugged whatever personal items she could. My father became quite ill during this dangerous trek. His future heart problems were attributed to the fevers he suffered at that time.

What was your relationship with your parents like? Would you describe it as warm? Formal? Loving? Stern? Demonstrative?

My mother, a very emotional person like me, would kiss and hug for no other reason than to show her love. I did not have a warm relationship with my father. He had other interests - his car business mostly. My parents weren't at all stern. Rarely was I spanked. I remember one spanking vividly. I had a date to go skating at an ice rink in town. I could go, but I had to take my little sister with me, a third wheel. We arrived home late because my date wanted to go out for pizza after skating. My parents were furious. I guess they were scared something had happened to their two daughters. I got the spanking, Linda got a lollipop.

Did your grandparents live nearby? How often did you visit their homes? Did their homes have a special cooking smell? Onions? Cookies? What did their couch feel like? How big was the kitchen? Describe their home as you remember it.

My Bubbe Ida Hevenstone lived on the second floor in a three family house on the corner of Winchester Avenue and Lilac Street. We had to drive there, it was several miles from our house. I could smell herring and garlic as I ascended to the second floor. The odors seeped into the walls and stayed there. I remember her cast iron stove. You'd lift the round grates, light a match and hope the wood inside would ignite. There was a small glassed in porch off the living room where I loved to play and look out at the bustling street below, the ragman pushing his wagon loaded with cloth and pots, the fish monger shouting his daily specials from his horse-drawn wagon and the scissors grinder peddling his bicycle. One time, Bubbe grabbed my hand and led me up into the attic where she unwrapped a beautiful orange colored glass pitcher and six matching glasses that belonged to her mother. She'd brought the set with her from Poland. After her death, Uncle Nate took the six glasses and matching pitcher home to Vermont. He handed the set down to me which I keep in a locked cabinet in my living room. I've never used them - god forbid I'd break or chip a glass.
We visited my Bubbe Goldie Heller's more often for she lived on Legion Avenue, a Jewish, mercantile neighborhood. I remember the apartment on the second floor of Legion Avenue before they moved to Asylum Street. The staircase had a musty old smell. They had an open porch off their bedroom where I loved to play among the large sheets hung out to dry. Over time, the wood floor rotted so badly, I wasn't allowed out there any longer. In a corner of the living room, Bubbe Heller kept her oriental painted wind-up floor victrola. A cabinet underneath held heavy, black records in paper sleeves. She'd wind the crank, put on a Caruso record and sing along to the operatic music. My sister has the record player and the records. Bubbe Heller's bedroom became a discovery zone where I'd open the drawers of her dressing table and pull on her heavy cotton stockings that reached only above the knee. She kept a box full of beautiful Bakelite buttons and another box filled with jewelry on top of the vanity. She loved jewelry as my dad did. Rings, brooches, necklaces and hair pins all glitter and gold. I don't remember much of the house on Asylum Street except for two rooms. The living room where Zayde Heller watched wrestling and the back room off the kitchen which he forbade anyone to enter. I imagined monsters inside but I later discovered it was his personal junk room, a place where he kept unused fur skins and other stuff. When he died, my father tossed out his old dressers not realizing he had tucked money behind the drawers, lots of money!
The sofas and chairs in the living room were of the French Rococo period for my grandmother appreciated the finer things in life and could readily afford them. My mother took the sofas and chairs when Bubbe Heller died, had them recovered in an off-white silk material. Our son Jeff has the sofa at his beach house in Hull. They look out of place in his casual beachy interior. I have one of the Rococo chairs in my living room. Zayde Heller did all the cooking because my grandmother being the breadwinner, never had time to cook. She boarded the train to New York City every day to create lavish fur coats and hats. I was much closer to them than I was to Bubbe Hevenstone. I was 12 when Bubbe Hevenstone died. My mother asked if I wanted to go to her funeral - I declined. Caskets were opened then and I didn't want to see a dead person. Caskets are always closed at Jewish funerals now, except for private viewing by the family before the actual service begins.

Did your family ever have a reunion? What were some of the best reunions and why?

We didn't have family reunions, instead we had a cousins club that met at a relatives home. Everyone in family gathered together at the appointed place and time, whether they were cousins or not. The Smernoff's were at these meetings. No one knew exactly how they were related, we liked them and were glad they attended. This was my mother's side of the family, the Klebanoffs. My father had few relatives. The only ones we were in touch with were the New Yorkers, as they were called: The Boards, the Sacketts and the Hellers. The Kantrowitz family lived in New Haven on Ellsworth Avenue. We visited them infrequently. I never enjoyed the cousins club. The women sat around a table and gossiped. The men played cards and the children were bored out of their minds.

Can you remember any stories you heard about your grandparents when they were children? Do you feel as if you knew much about their lives?

They never talked about their childhood. I would imagine it was an unpleasant time for a Jew in Russia or Poland. I was told that my grandfather and grandmother Heller escaped the pogroms in Russia by crossing mountains, carrying their belongings and my father on their back. That's all I ever knew of their early lives. Both grandparents had arranged marriages by a Jewish matchmaker. That is the only information I have.

As a teenager, did you get along well with your parents, or was there trouble?

My parents and I got along very well. I don't recall any problems I might have caused during my teenage years. I considered my mother my confidant. She knew my emotional ups and downs, I felt peaceful and secure.

How about your brothers and sisters? Did you get along with them? Do you remember ever playing a trick on your brother or sister? What pictures come to mind when you think about playing together?

As I've said previously in my autobiography, my only sibling is my sister. There is a six year gap between us, so we didn't have any commonality other than our parents. Linda is tall, I am short. We never played together, she had her friends, I had mine. Now that we are in our senior years, the age difference isn't so jolting. Linda rarely communicates as if the phone is foreign to her. We see each other at weddings and funerals or other family functions. She and her husband Herb, have 6 children and 5 grandchildren.

Did someone in your family cause your folks more trouble than the rest?

I'm hesitant to mention the problems my Aunt Mary caused. She lived on the first floor of the Goffe Terrace house, we lived on the second. There were days when she would not speak to my mother and father. I don't know why. I don't think they knew why either. I remember my parents' 25th wedding anniversary. Mary, being my father's sister, was invited. She didn't respond to the invitation but she came, late of course. Aunt Mary was always late. It was very uncomfortable for all of us for she did not speak to my parents the whole evening. Mary had two children, Pam and Denis. My parents were always there for them, making sure they were fed and cared for. I wished Mary would have said "thank you."

Have your pets been like family members, or just like animals? Did you ever have a dog that ran away? Try to list all the pets you've had through the years and their personalities.

Our boxer dog, Judy, was just like a member of the family. A brindle colored pedigree, she came with a long royal name - Lady Judy of...(I forget the last name).I don't know how old I was when we got her, perhaps 7 or 8. Everyone loved Judy, she was such a good dog. My father bred her, a big mistake for she died shortly after giving birth to her litter of 5. One of her puppies ran away. My father had taken the dog to his automotive business and someone left the door open. The dog ran out, never to be seen again.
A black and white cat followed me home from school one day. My parents let me keep the cat. I don't know if it was male or female. It didn't matter for none of us liked the cat very much. It would leave parts of mice at the back door as if it had brought us a present. I think the cat ran away. We didn't cry any tears or look for it. We just said "bye, bye." To this day, I can't stand cats.

Did anyone in your family do handiwork? Needlework? Wood work? Was anyone particularly mechanical or artistic?

My mother knitted lovely afghans and slippers. She crocheted, too. This was her hobby and her artistry. She made gifts for my sister and me, for her sisters and for her friends. I have her knitting needles and crotchet hooks, her pattern books and her black carrying bag. I knit as well, but never with her skill.

What did your dad do for a living? Your mom? Your grandparents?

Before my parents married, my father was a truck driver. His interests then turned to buying and reselling used cars. Our den became his office, the rear drive, his lot. In the late 40's, Bubbe Heller bought him a large piece of commercial property on Whalley Avenue in New Haven from where he operated his car business. My mother worked as a bookkeeper, first for my father and later for a dress shop downtown. After the war, my father took a position working nights in the boiler room of the Armstrong Rubber Company in New Haven which provided medical benefits and left his days free to continue selling used cars from home. Bubbe and Zayde Heller styled and sewed fur coats. They were excellent furriers of mink, sable and raccoon. Bubbe and Zayde Hevenstone owned a grocery store next to their home on Winchester Avenue. After Zayde's death, his sons, Max and Nat helped out. They eventually sold the store. Bubbe Hevenstone suffered a stroke and retired from all form of commercial trade.

Were you considered rich, poor, or middle class? Were times ever tough for all of you, or was it always smooth sailing? Did you have to go without things that your friends had?

Both of my parents were hardworking people. I thought we were rich for I had a nanny to care for my sister and me, a large tudor home on a tree-lined street in New Haven, clothes from the best shops in town, a summer cottage, plenty of cars, and a horse. I took ballet lessons, piano lessons, attended Cotillion, and subscribed to New Haven Symphony Concerts for children. I don't remember any times where my parents said we had to cut back on expenses, do without. If they had financial problems they never shared their concerns.

Were your parents fancy dressers? When you think of them, what do you remember them wearing? Did your mother wear a special perfume you remember? Did your father wear cologne or after-shave?

My father loved any excuse for dressing up. He owned a tuxedo, fancy diamond rings, an expensive gold watch and used after-shave for a night out on the town. My mother owned finery too, but I don't remember her being the clothes horse my father was. I can see my mother now in her pink silk dress with her mink stole draped around her shoulders. She always wore white gloves when she went out, even downtown shopping.

What was it like when you took your mate to meet your family? Were they welcoming or standoffish?

My parents adored Ed from the very first time they met. I can't remember under what conditions I first introduced Ed to my parents. It was probably on our first date when he picked me up in his parents car and took me to a movie. My mother did everything she could to make him feel comfortable sensing how nervous he must have been to meet "the parents" for the first time. He sat at the kitchen table and talked about Villanova University, football and his future plans. When I returned home, my mother was waiting for me. She wanted to know my real feelings for Ed and warned me not to let this man get away. In her eyes, he was perfect!

What are the treasured pieces of furniture or family heirlooms that belonged to your parents or grandparents?

I spoke of the heirlooms in another section of my autobiography. My Bubbe Heller's French rococo furniture, Bubbe Hevenstone's brass pestle and plate, her beautiful orange pitcher and matching glasses, my father's mahogany leather topped drum table, and my in-laws depression-era bedroom set. I have all of these treasures in my home. I thought Ed and I should buy a queen-sized bed but I can't bear to part with our four-poster antique bed which is full size. I also have a table lamp in our living room that belonged to my mother. It's very old and might have been passed down to her.

When you think back on your mother and father now, what do you realize about their lives that you didn't understand when you were growing up?

I didn't understand how they worked and saved to provide all the extras they thought their daughters deserved. I remember the war time ration books my mother kept in a drawer. How she used them, I don't know for we always had more than enough to eat. My mother held firm to the Jewish faith, following the dietary rules and holiday observances while my father preferred a more liberal interpretation.

Looking back, do you think your parents were happy with the circumstances of their lives?

My parents' lives were dominated by health issues. My father's weight gain, his diseased heart and open-heart surgeries. My mother's psoriasis which I inherited, her failing heart and osteoporosis which caused her frequent fractures and stooped shoulders. Later in life she developed breast cancer, a malignant lump under her nipple which was removed successfully. In spite of everything, they went on vacations, worked a full day and in my father's case, nights as well. They crammed each day full of activity and still had the energy to watch our children when we went away. Nothing stopped their forward movement until the very end. I wish they could have had a better life.

The House of Your Growing Up

Do you have warm feelings about the childhood home that you remember the most?

Yes, I have very warm feelings about the house I grew up in. We moved there in 1942 when I was 4. The house, a three story Tudor made of bubble brick stood on the very top of an inclined street called Goffe Terrace. The brick on the outside was known as bubble brick because it was more round than flat. The house was built in 1920 by a well-known builder, Fusco Construction for himself. My grandmother Heller, or Bubbe Heller as I called her, bought the house for my parents and for her daughter, Marion, unmarried at the time. My mother didn't like this move at all. She wanted to remain close to her family who lived on Winchester Avenue across town. Each flat had eight large rooms except for the third floor which was unfinished. We moved into the second floor. The Adlermans, Ida and Max and their two daughters, Abby and Barbara, were already living on the first floor. They were referred to as our tenants.

What did your home look like? Apartment, walk-up, condominium, or house? What was the color? Was it stone, wood - other? One story or two?

Our house was at the very top of Goffe Terrace. It was built of red bubble brick and tan stucco in the English Tudor style. It had a slate roof and a fireplace. A cement landing butted up to the massive wooden front door where large flower boxes flanked each side. These were made of red brick too. Ida Alderman, our tenant on the first floor, filled these boxes each spring with pink geraniums. Mrs. Alderman loved to garden and flowers were planted wherever there was sun for them to thrive. Cement stairs then descended down to the sidewalk with sweeping green lawns on either side. A low brick retaining wall separated the lawn from the sidewalk. I remember rolling from the top of the lawn down to the bottom stopping just short of the retaining wall.
Forsythia shrubs on the east side of the house bloomed golden bells heralding the beginning of spring. Evergreen shrubs reached the first story windows on either side of the front door. The sidewalk then wound its way around to the rear entrance passing a hedge of mountain laurels that my mother never allowed me to touch. She said they were the state flower and no one could pick off the flowers. In the side yard sat a very large oak tree. We could never get grass to grow on that side of the house because of the heavy shade it cast. During a hurricane, a huge branch crashed through our kitchen window shattering shards of glass all over the floor. The tree was never removed although my mother begged to have it cut down.
We hardly ever entered the house through the front door but used the rear door instead. Stairs led down to the basement or turning right, up two steps to the first floor apartment. The stairs then continued up a full flight to our flat on the second floor. They were covered with linoleum which our maid Mary scrubbed down every day. Another flight of stairs led to the third floor attic which was partially finished. I didn't like the attic, it was dark and dank and to a child, occupied by monsters. Squirrels sometimes made their nests up there, climbing easily up the branches of the oak tree and under the eaves into the attic. I could hear them scampering across my bedroom ceiling at night.
The door on the second floor landing opened into our kitchen with its oil cloth flowered wallpaper. From the kitchen a swinging door led to a small den where my father had his desk, leather chair and floor radio. A wooden door then swung open into the large dining room. French doors from the dining room opened into the living room. It was a lovely room with a window seat underneath three awning windows that faced the front of the house. There was a brick wood-burning fireplace that warmed us in the winter months. I remember the black velvet cushions my mother placed in front of it so my sister and I could sit and roast marshmallows in the flames. High up on either side of the fireplace were two small windows that you couldn't see out of, they just let in rays of sunshine.
The walls in the dining room, living room and small sunroom off the living room were of particular interest. Sailboats were handcarved into the plaster which was painted a soft pinky color like beach sand. A sweeping, wide oak staircase led to the attic from the living room. A bedroom was to the left of the upper landing which my Uncle Nat, my mother's brother, used when he came to live with us after his wife, Hilda committed suicide. That's a whole story in and of itself.
Three bedrooms and our only bathroom were off a central hall. Mine was the first nearest the kitchen. My sister had the middle bedroom and my parents, the last one close to the bathroom. For a very large apartment, nine rooms in all, there was little closet space or storage. My parents had a carpenter build a sliding door closet that spanned one wall in my bedroom.
The kitchen didn't have any cabinets or counter space except for the large glass doored cabinet with drawers below against the wall next to the back door. A full size ironing board built into the back wall popped out when you opened its door. I see that built-in ironing boards are again popular today. A gas stove sat next to the refrigerator and a metal table with four chairs stood in the center of the kitchen. The sink and a few open shelves, where my mother stored dry goods, was in the pantry, a very narrow room off the kitchen. When Aunt Mary remodeled her kitchen, she turned this room into a laundry room. A window above the sink looked out on the rear yard and the slate roofed garage below. My mother stretched to her full height to see out of it, I had to stand on a stepstool.

What did you look out onto?

The front of the house looked onto Goffe Terrace and Bellevue Road and Colony Roads, two streets that began on Crescent Street and ended at Goffe Terrace or the other way around. Many of my friends lived on Bellevue and Colony. The public bus stopped right in front of our house. It was wartime when we moved into our house. The Goffe Street Armory was at the bottom of Goffe Terrace which then became Goffe Street. I remember sitting on our front steps with my Aunt Mary and our Boxer dog, Judy, watching the soldiers jog up the hill past our house. Mary wore her best dress and high heels, her long black hair tied back with a bow, an enticing picture for the soldiers. She was single then and eventually married an Army fighter pilot who became my Uncle Norman.
My bedroom window looked onto the rear yard and the private driveway. The driveway was the only way to reach the garages of all the houses fronting Goffe Terrace and Anita Street. The residents who used the driveway paid to have it plowed in the winter and repaired in the spring or fall. You could enter the driveway either from Goffe Terrace or from the Boulevard. Entering from Goffe Terrace, the road was somewhat level. But the Boulevard side was quite steep. It made for great sledding in the winter as there was little traffic.
A red rose shrub grew in the sunlight in front of the garage and burst into bloom each June. A border of peonies, planted by Ida Alderman, formed a low hedge that separated our yard from our next door neighbor. Their yard was magnificent for they hired a landscaper to install a stone patio and lights forming a circle in the center of the grass. We couldn't do anything to improve our yard due to the large trees that grew there. Mary strung a rope between the two trees and hung her laundry out to dry. The sheets became a game of hide and seek which Mary didn't like.

What was your bedroom like?

My bedroom was large from a child's perspective. I had a double four poster bed, a dresser and a low, wide bookcase that held all of my mother's books. Along a side wall was the closet. Under the window, the silver painted radiator hissed and clanked in the winter months. A reel clothesline, hooked to the outside of my window spanned the yard hooked on a large oak tree. I can see my mother now, leaning out my bedroom window, hanging the laundry out to dry. I wonder what she did with the laundry on rainy days? My mother would lower drinks and cookies from a rope tied to a basket from my bedroom window when I was outside playing.
Two matching pictures hung on the wall above my bed of a man and woman. The woman wore a long dress in the Victorian style while the man, with his leg up on a garden bench, wore a coat with tails and tight knee length pants. I'm sure the pictures were not originals, probably prints but I loved looking at them.
On top of my bedspread was a porcelain doll with black painted hair and a heart-shaped red mouth. Her dress looked just like the one in the picture. The doll's legs were made very long and thin so I could spread them out to sit squarely on the bedcovers. I don't know what happened to her. I wish that I still had that doll.
Our boxer dog, Judy, liked to sleep on my bed. I cuddled her like a teddy bear. She was a great dog. I remember the day Judy died. She was on top of my bed and my mother was crying. I had never seen my mother cry before. I cried too, my tears dripped onto Judy's fur. When my father came home, he carried Judy out to the yard and buried her near the chain link fence.

Did you share it with your siblings, or was it cozy by yourself?

I slept alone in my bedroom until Bubbe Heller had to move in with us because she had the shingles and needed someone to care for her. My grandfather had died the year before. I packed my personal belongings, like my brushes, combs and ribbons and moved into my sister's room. I had to sleep in her double bed with her. She rolled around a lot at night which left little room for me. I was around 13 or 14. I hated sharing a bedroom with my sister but I loved Bubbe Heller so much that I didn't complain. Linda was just 8 and I couldn't keep her away from my stuff.

Can you remember the pictures that hung, wallpaper, carpeting, etc.? Can you remember your telephone number and address?

A very large round mirror in a gilded frame hung above the fireplace in the living room. In the dining room, two carved porcelain plaques of Victorian women hung on either side of two bronze wall sconces. I don't think there were any other wall adornments. The walls in the formal rooms, the living and dining rooms had little sailboats carved into the plaster. I suppose my parents didn't want to make holes in those distinctive walls. Oilcloth wallpaper covered the kitchen walls from the chairail to the ceiling. Flowered ruffled curtains hung on the windows with white venetian blinds underneath. The hallway that led to the bedrooms was painted a color called "linen white." When we first moved in, the woodwork around the doors and windows were of natural oak. It remained that way to the day my mother moved after my father died. Aunt Mary painted her trim white when she had her apartment remodeled. I remember what our only phone looked like but not our number. It was tall and black with a hook on the side for the receiver. It sat atop my father's kidney shaped desk in the den. It was a dial phone and a party line. You'd have to listen first before you made a call to make certain no one else was using it. Later, the telephone company came out with a heavy black phone that sat atop the desk. It too was a dial phone but no longer a party line. Yes, I remember our address, 170 Goffe Terrace.
The living room and dining rooms had hardwood floors covered with oriental area rugs. In fact, all the floors except the kitchen, bathroom and pantry were hardwood. A rather crude looking grandfather clock stood in a corner of the dining room. I never liked it. It was hand-made for my parents, most likely as payment for a car bought from my father. We also had an accordion and a motor boat, both of which were either a down payment on a car or the whole price. Oh, and an old clipper ship about two feet long and high made of mahogany wood with cloth sails that I now have possession of.
There were beautiful bronze light sconces on the walls in the living room and dining room along with a baby grand piano tucked into a corner of the living room next to the fireplace. I have that piano in my living room. Our daughter, Gayle, may take it so that her girls can take piano lessons. They are five and seven.
In the front hallway to the downstairs foyer and front entrance hung two magnificent Tiffany chandeliers, one on the top landing, the other in the lower hall. My sister took one and I the other. She still has hers hung proudly in her living room. I had put mine in our basement playroom until I decided where to hang it. Our daughter, Gayle broke it one day while at play. How could she know how valuable that light fixture was or what it meant to me? I swept up the beautiful colored glass and cried.

What did you do to make your room your own? Did you sleep with a stuffed animal or doll? What was your animal or doll's name?

I'm sure I had stuffed animals and dolls. When I was young, we went to the Savin Rock Amusement Park down by the water in West Haven. There were rides, game booths and auction houses, so I'm certain my sister and I won many stuffed animals. I had a Howdy Doody ventriloquist doll that I played with constantly and I remember the beautiful porcelain doll that adorned my bed. Bubbe Heller gave it to me. It had black hair, a sweet smile and a long flowing dress. It's thin legs were very long, too long for its body. I don't know what happened to it. That doll would be worth a fortune today. I can't remember any names I might have given my dolls or stuffed animals. I had a shelf full of books that I read every day and when I grew older, around 12 or 13, I would go down to the drug store on the corner of Ellsworth and Whalley to buy my Love Story magazines. By today's standards they were harmless.

Can you remember what you daydreamed about in those days?

I wanted to be a ballet dancer. I dreamed of performing on stage at the Schubert Theater in a pink tu-tu. At night, I had terrible nightmares about snakes crawling under my bed. I don't know why. But they'd wake me up in the middle of the night and I'd run crying into my parents' room, I was so frightened. I also dreamed about the stories my mother read to me, especially Heidi. I imagined climbing up the snow covered hills of the Alps to see my grandfather, just as Heidi did. Those were pleasant dreams.

What time did your mail come? Was it exciting anticipating the mail? Can you remember anything in particular that you received that was special?

Mail was delivered through a brass slot in the front door, a door we never used to enter the house. It was too heavy to open. The poor mailman had to walk up the long stretch of stone steps to our front door. Mail usually came late mornings. I remember this because my mother or our maid Mary would ask me to get the mail when I came home from school at lunchtime. One day we received a letter from my mother's cousin who lived in Africa. He was coming to visit all the way from the Congo. I imagined him a tall black man with a bone in his hair like the pictures in National Geographic. But when he finally arrived, he looked just like any other white man. I remember his English accent and how handsome he was. He was a writer.
Everyone wrote letters then. My father's relatives lived in New York, my mother's in Vermont so personal correspondence was what you sent out when you had news to tell. Letters arrived all the time. We had to sort through the pile for some were for the Aldermans who lived downstairs and after they moved out, for my aunt and uncle.
I remember my parents' beautiful handwriting. They don't teach penmanship now as they did back then. I think it's such a shame to lose that intimate correspondence. We hardly write letters anymore. Often, when I do get a letter, I can't make out the words. The handwriting is just awful, almost scribblelike. Now it's email and text messaging. I think we've lost something wonderful. I have my father's love letters that he wrote to my mother while he was courting her. I have them in a box on my dresser wrapped in ivory silk ribbon.

Was security an issue? Did your parents keep the door locked or did family and friends come and go with the door unlocked?

Security was an issue. We kept the backdoor locked because we never knew when a customer of my father's would show up. The front door was never locked. It was impossible to open from the outside anyway. We entered the house by our rear staircase and so did my friends. If someone we knew was expected, we'd unlock the back door. I wished we used the front entrance, it was so grand. When I started dating, I'd have to tell my date to go around the back and up the stairs. Our maid swept it daily and washed it down every week. After she left us, my mother continued the practice. Also, the transit bus stopped in front of our house. Although we were never afraid of a forced entry, we slept more soundly knowing the doors were secured.

How old were you when you were first trusted with a key?

I really can't remember when I was first given a key to the back door but it was probably when I was in 7th or 8th grade. My mother went to work for my father as his bookkeeper at University Auto Sales on Whalley Avenue. Usually she was home before me, but just in case, I had a key. My sister returned home later in the afternoon. The key to the front door was a skeleton key with carved markings. This key was lost so many times that my mother finally tied it to a hook in the kitchen. We rarely used it after that.

Did your family eat at the kitchen table or in the dining room? What food conjures up the best childhood memories for you?

We ate all of our meals at the kitchen table. The only time the dining room was called into service was during the holidays of Passover and Rosh Hashanah or when my parents entertained. My best food memories were the chickens my father brought home from the butcher. The feathers were gone but everything else remained. My mother would extract the small eggs from inside the chicken and cook them. Then the neck and gibblets would be cut off and wrapped for soup or stew. My father devoured the skin cooked in chicken fat. Is it any wonder he had a heart condition and was overly heavy? Another dish I loved was chicken fricassee. It consisted of chicken pieces in a sauce with small meatballs. I've never made this dish, it's far too fatty but very tasty as I remember. We kept a kosher home which meant only kosher meats were used and dairy products were never served with meat dishes. My father cooked cow's feet in seasoned water using garlic and herbs until a jello like substance formed. It looked awful. I never tasted it, I wasn't that brave but it was his favorite dish.
My favorite meal had to be Sunday breakfast, hands down. Bagels, lox, cream cheese, smoked white fish and vegetables. My mother's sister and brothers along with their families would often join us on Sunday mornings. We ate this meal in the dining room as their were only four chairs at the kitchen table.
Thinking about the chickens reminded me that when Ed and I married, my grandfather, Zayde Heller, stuffed two pillows with chicken feathers for our first home. It was meant to bring us good luck.

What was your parents' room like (beds, bedspreads, easy chairs, etc.)? Did you spend much time in their room with them? Were you allowed to rest in their bed when you were sick?

My parents bedroom was the last room off the hall next to the only bathroom. They had a cherry wood double bed, a matching dresser and a beautiful dressing table that belonged to Bubbe Heller. Yes, I spent many hours in their room. I liked to watch them dress for a Saturday evening out. The bedspread was a white chenille bobble pattern. When my father became ill, they sold their double bed and purchased twin beds. My mother kept jars of lotion and perfumes on the dressing table along with my father's aftershave. After my appendix operation when I was about 11, my parents let me stay in their room because it was nearest the bathroom. My father worked the night shift at the Armstrong Rubber Company so he slept during the afternoons and early evenings, only rising to eat dinner. Anyway, when I had a fever or cold, I preferred to be in my own room with my books.

Was there much music in your house or was it relatively quiet? What type of music, if so? Did you play a Victrola, radio, record player, boom box, CDs?

Ida Alderman would sing opera arias as she cleaned her apartment on the first floor. She had a strong soprano voice, just lovely. Both my grandmothers loved opera and classical music so I was brought up to appreciate that type of music. Most of the sheet music for our piano was classical pieces that I learned to play not very well. I had a victrola that I received as a Christmas present and of course we had a radio. In elementary school, I attended symphony concerts at Woolsey Hall one Saturday a month. It is still my favorite type of music. As a teenager, I listened and danced to all the 50's music. Cousin Leah sang pop tunes in New York. I listened to her on our radio. I will put on a classical tape or CD when I'm puttering around the house.

Was there a lot of talking going on? Did you feel part of the adult conversation?

When Bubbe Heller and Manya visited, they'd speak Yiddish or Russian which I didn't understand. However, I did pick up some of the language after years of listening to them. My father talked incessantly on the den phone. The conversations were usually about his car business so I wasn't very interested. My parents didn't speak of personal things in front of my sister or me. But at night, when they thought I was asleep, I could hear them clearly from my bedroom which was right off the kitchen. No, I didn't feel part of the adult conversation. "Children should be seen and not heard" was the motto then.
One night I remember quite clearly. The phone rang, it was very late at night. I heard my mother crying so I crept down the darkened hallway into their room. My father was on the phone. His face was ashen. That's when I learned that Hilda, Uncle Nat's wife, had committed suicide. She jumped from a six story building. My father hung up the phone and told my mother that he'd fly down to Florida and bring Uncle Nat back here. How could anyone do that to themselves. I must have been 14 or 15. Hilda was buried in Florida where her family lived. Uncle Nat came to live with us. He moved into the bedroom in the attic. He stayed with us a few years. Eventually, he remarried a woman named Leah who was a librarian for the New Haven Public Library. We liked Leah, she made Uncle Nat a fine wife.

Was there any place in your house that scared you (the basement, attic)?

Definitely. It was the basement in the Goffe Terrace house. Dark, spooky, creepy and a furnace that belched and hissed like a monster. I hated going down there. Sometimes I had to when my mother asked me to bring up the laundry basket. There were two smaller rooms down there. One held my father's tools and all the junk he refused to part with. The other was a storage room for the first floor tenant. It had a curtain drawn across the doorway. I never entered that room. I never wanted to go down into the basement, EVER!

Was there any place you felt was really "your spot," felt comfy alone or maybe a hiding spot in Hide'N Seek?

I loved our small den which was off the living room. I'd go in there, shut the multi-paned door and lay down on the sofa and watch TV. Awning windows looked out on our neighbors house. I could see into their bedrooms if the curtains were open. This small room became my sanctuary far from the bustle of the kitchen.

Did you have a lawn? Have to mow it? Did you have gardens of flowers, vegetables or herbs? Did you help care for them?

The lawn that fronted our house on Goffe Terrace sloped downward to the retaining wall and sidewalk. My father mowed it sideways until ill-health forced him to hire a gardener. Ida Alderman tended her garden in the back yard and when the Aldermans moved away, the garden turned to weedy patches. I tried to grow pansies at the base of a tree but failed. I enjoyed trimming the forsythia bushes on the side of the house. We never had a grass area in the rear yard. Aunt Mary and Uncle Norm owed a very large bulldog. The dog had a run in the back yard. He dug holes and ripped up any vegetation that grew there.

What kind of chores were you required to do for the family?

I had to come directly home after school and look after my sister and start preparations for dinner until my mother returned from work. I was 13. Believe me, I complained about this responsibility constantly. At least, I learned how to cook which benefited Ed.

What was your favorite season at your house? Do you remember summer as too hot or exhilarating and perfect? Did you swim a lot in the summer? Did you ski or do winter sports in the cold weather?

I loved summer. We packed the car and moved into our beach cottage for the summer. I hated to see summer end and the school term begin. I didn't enjoy swimming at the beach, too much seaweed. I liked to tan at the beach. We didn't have sunscreen to protect our skin. Today, I suffer from skin cancer. Yes, I skied during my college years and when our children were young, we'd visit Uncle Nat in Brattleboro, Vermont where we all went skiing at Mt. Tom. I remember one time at the base of the mountain. The children were about to ski down the beginners slope when the medic staff slid past them with a man on a stretcher. That did it for the day on the slopes. The children were so frightened they refused to continue their run. We had to pack up and return home.

Were there books in evidence around your house? Was there a special room in the house considered the "library"? Which of your parents' books and magazines do you remember reading?

Books were a part of all our lives. My mother, an avid reader, had bookcases filled with books. The only magazine I remember was Life magazine. The paperboy delivered the New Haven Register every day which my parents read at the kitchen table. I was only interested in the comics. I bought comic books at our local drugstore on Whalley Avenue. I remember "Wonder Woman" and "Superman." In my teens, I bought romance magazines by the armfuls. I think they were called "Love Story" or something like that. We didn't have television or computers so books and the radio were the only form of entertainment.

Were you or your parents interested in the news? Which news stories made the greatest impression on you?

News that permeated the air waves concerned the war in Europe. My parents listened to the radio and read the New Haven Register for information on the condition of the Jews. Newsreels at the movies gave a visual look at the war effort and the liberation of the concentration camps in eastern Europe. These horrifying pictures made the greatest impression on me. I've never forgotten those images. We knew Manya and Saul were liberated from a camp and relocated to a deportation area somewhere in Europe. Thousands of Jewish families came to the United States, their crossing paid for by donors who promised to finance them once in the United States. Those were the news stories that captivated my parents and America's Jewish community.

Where were the telephones in your home? Were you allowed to stay on the phone as long as you wanted or was there a time limit?

We had one phone in the den. At first it was a party line so conversations had to be short. When we did get a private number, I had to keep my phone calls to a minimum because my father was always expecting a business call. In high school I dated a Yale junior. My mother let me talk to him hours on end. I think it was because he was a Yalie. We received a call once from the Yale literary department. The voice on the other end asked to speak to Joseph Heller, the writer. It was obvious my father, Joseph Heller, was not the writer he was seeking.

Which door did you use mostly? Front door, back door, kitchen door, side door? Was there usually someone there to greet you when you came home?

We used the rear door primarily. My nanny was home to welcome me when I was in elementary school but once I entered Sheridan Junior High, I was alone in the house with my sister until my mother returned from work.

What time did you usually eat dinner? Was the family all together?

Dinner was on the table at 6 every evening. My father joined us on the weekends. He slept through dinner and had a bite to eat before he left for work on the night shift at the Armstrong Rubber Company. Our kitchen table had a ridge underneath where I could hide food I didn't care to eat or I would give a handful underneath the table to our dog, Judy. She ate everything offered to her.

Were you proud of your house or shy about having friends over?

I was very proud of our house, it was so grand. My parents decorated it in the traditional style in the same manner I've furnished our home. Rich mahogany wood, silk draperies and oriental carpets on hardwood floors. Friends enjoyed coming over for the rooms were very large. I had many house parties. We'd shut the lights off in the living room and play spin the bottle. Life was so innocent then.

Did your parents have friends over often? Can you remember them having parties? Where did everyone gather? Did company come often for meals?

My parents entertained often especially on movie nights. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins gathered in the darkened living room. My father then threaded home movies into his 16mm movie projector and we'd sit for hours watching birthdays, vacations, and weddings on the white screen. Sometimes we'd be treated to a cartoon or a short commercial movie. We all sat transfixed. My sister has those films. They are a treasure. She said she would transfer them to dvd's but she never got around to it. Cousin Mickey had her sweet sixteen birthday party at our home. And my parents hosted the annual Passover seders. We broke the fast after Yom Kipper at Aunt Sally and Uncle Max's house on Winthrope Avenue because they lived closest to the synagogue. During the war, my mother bought Libby crystal glasses at the movies, monies raised for war bonds. She placed the gold rimmed glasses at each place setting to the right of each china dish. I took the glassware after my father died and she moved into an apartment in Hamden. I hunt them out at thrift stores and antique shows to add to my collection.

Did relatives or boarders live with your family? What were their quarters like? Were you allowed in there?

Uncle Nat took up quarters in an attic bedroom. I may have been allowed in but I never wanted to go up into the attic. He lived with us for a few years until he married Leah, his second wife. Uncle Nat still owned the family house on Winchester Avenue. Leah, a very artistic woman, hired a Yale architect to redesign the second floor. Once the construction was completed, they got married and Uncle Nat and his new wife settled in.

Can you remember excitement about a certain purchase (washing machine, phone, addition to the house) or repairs to the house?

During a bad storm, part of the ceiling in the living room collapsed on the baby grand piano. Wet plaster covered the top of the piano and the floor beneath. My parents hired a roofing company to replace the missing slate shingles. The ceiling couldn't be repaired until the roof project was completed. The piano in my living room still has the scars of that disaster. I plan to have the piano refinished back to its original glory.

If you could now move back into the house you grew up in, just the way it was then, would you? Why or why not?

No, I wouldn't move back to my childhood home, too many stairs to climb.

Childhood/Neighborhood

Who were your best friends in your neighborhood? Do you still know them or know what happened to them?

Sarah Jane Schaeffer and Elaine Shanken lived on Bellevue Road which was diagonally across from Goffe Terrace. We were friends throughout elementary and high school. In fact, I spent more time at their homes than at my own. Sarah Jane married an accountant that my husband and I introduced her to. Elaine married a doctor, Danny Fisher. She met Danny on a singles cruise a year after we graduated from high school. They moved to Hamden and lived in rooms above his office. Danny was our children's pediatrician until our second son, James, became infected with a serious virus that Danny couldn't treat. When Danny retired, he and Elaine moved to Boca Raton, Florida and I lost contact with them. We purchased a condo in Boca Raton in 1985. A few years ago, our daughter-in-law Diane told me that her best friend's mother and father lived in Boca Raton, Florida and that their name was Fisher. I gave Diane an old picture of Elaine and Sarah Jane taken at our high school graduation. It turned out that her friend's mother was indeed my friend Elaine. We saw them again at our 50 year high school reunion where I related the story. Our daughter-in-law had brought us back together again.
Sarah Jane and I stayed in contact until she and Richard moved to Branford. It wasn't very far, but I am not a highway driver and Sarah Jane went back to her nursing career. A tragedy reunited us. They lost their only daughter to a rare disease. She was just six. They have two sons who have become very successful. One is a doctor, the other a dentist, both married. Recently, Sarah Jane and Richard sold their home and bought a condo on the water in Branford. I haven't seen them in many years.
I walked to Beecher School with Ellen Burres who lived on the lower part of Goffe Terrace near Blake Street. She and her husband, who is confined to a wheelchair, moved to Delray Beach, Florida. We were visiting some friends in Delray one December a few years ago when we happened to mention her name. Ellen lived straight across the courtyard from them. Our friends called her on the phone and told Ellen they had a surprise waiting for her. When she saw me, our arms wrapped around each other, we were reunited again. You never forget old friends. There is a bond that cannot be broken by distance.

Did you play at your home, theirs or mostly in playgrounds, the streets, fields?

We played at all of our homes, sometimes at mine, other times at their's. It all depended on what we wanted to do. There weren't any playgrounds nearby unless we walked to the schoolyard which we never did. The school was next to several Jewish cemeteries. Who would want to play near a graveyard? We played hopscotch on my sidewalk, hide and seek in Sarah Jane's yard because she had many trees and bushes to hide in, or we played house in my bedroom on rainy days. My father had a 16 millimeter movie projector and a collection of cartoon films like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. On weekends, he'd set up the screen and we'd watch cartoons. This was before we had a television set. On snowy winter days, we'd go sledding down the driveway in back of my house with the other children in the neighborhood. Often there was a traffic jam of sleds.
The rear of Eliot Brause's house abutted the driveway. He was a year older than me and three times as tall. We became good friends, even though he was a boy. I played with his Lionel train set which sprawled across the floor of his den complete with buildings, trees and flickering lights. We stayed friends all through junior high and high school. When I went off to college, and he the same, we hardly saw each other. As close as we were, I forgot to invite him to my wedding. I regret that oversight to this day. He has never once mentioned it to me, yet I feel uncomfortable when I'm in his company.

What do you remember about your friends' houses and families?

The homes that snaked up the hill of Goffe Terrace were mostly three family houses except for the ones that lined the opposite side of our private driveway which were one family homes. Eliot Brause lived across the driveway in a lovely white house with a large grassed yard where his mother planted beautiful flower gardens. Climbing rose bushes covered a tall fence all along the perimeter of the yard. They were a glorious sight all summer long. I think my interest in gardens and flowers were born then. Eliot, an only child and I became good friends. He would throw pebbles against my bedroom window when he wanted to play instead of ringing the doorbell. It was he who teased me by singing "Rhoda Heller kissed a fellar in the cellar."
Nearly every Sunday afternoon, I went over to Sarah Jane's house for Sunday dinner of roast beef, potatoes and salad. It was a tradition in their family to have a large dinner with close relatives and me. Sarah Jane, an only child, became a second sister to me. We would eat around the kitchen table which was in an alcove. Her mother's family owned a grocery store on Dixwell Avenue so there was plenty of food in their refrigerator. I thought their house was the best one on Bellevue Road. It was a brick one family home with three bedrooms upstairs of which Sarah Jane's was the largest. Her room was always neat and organized. That's probably why she became a nurse -clean, clean, clean. I remember the grand piano in Elaine Shanken's living room. It wasn't pushed into a corner like ours but rather positioned straight across the width of the room toward the back wall. We played in her bedroom and sometimes on her back porch. We didn't have a porch and I envied her. Elaine had a younger brother yet I don't remember him at all. Her house, also a one family, was wood shingled with an attached one car garage. The lawn lay flat from the house to the street. Too bad, I thought, she doesn't have a terraced lawn to roll down.
I played with Bobby Eisle who lived on Colony Road. He was an only child with bright red hair and freckles that crossed his nose from cheek to cheek. His parents were much older than mine. The only thing I remember about Bobby was the elegant way he spoke, so mature for such a young person and always the gentleman. He never had a girl friend and in later years, it was rumored that he was gay.

Was there a neighborhood bully? Did that bully ever hurt you?

I became friendly with Gail DeAngelis who lived on Colony Road. Her father owned a local hockey team in New Haven. Gail was a tom boy and wanted me to do things that I knew were wrong like stealing money from the coin jar my mother kept in the kitchen cabinet. I saw her take some money out of the jar and although I protested, she took it anyway. I was afraid of her and never told anyone. I tried many times to distance myself from her yet she kept coming over. How we finally parted ways, I can't remember. I'm just glad we did.

Did you have a nickname? How did you get it? Has it stuck with you?

I don't know when Bubbe Heller, my father's mother, gave me the nickname "Dodie" but it's been with me all my life. At work I'm known by my legal name, Rhoda. My friends still call me Dodie. Being the first grandchild and named after my Bubbe Heller's mother, I became her favorite. I'm told that the name "Dodie" refers to L'Ha Dodi", a Jewish prayer said at the beginning of the Sabbath. It means the Sabbath Queen. In college, I was registered twice, first as Rhoda Heller, then again as Dodie Heller. The confusion eventually got straightened out.

What sidewalk games did you play? Did you collect anything (bugs, baseball cards, marbles, etc.)?

I played hop scotch with pebbles, hide and seek and king of the mountain. I didn't collect anything except fireflies that I caught in a jar and kept outside until they died. Denis, my young cousin, collected worms. He'd cut them in half and watch as the two parts wiggled away. Disgusting!!

Did you have pets? What were their names? Were they usually strays? How did you acquire them?

My father decided one day to breed our boxer dog "Judy." I don't know how my mother really felt about all the work she'd have to do caring for puppies. Judy had 6 puppies. The vet came to our house and snipped off their tails and part of their ears so they would stand upright. I remember all the blood as my mother held parts of tails, it was such a harrowing sight. My parents sold two females, my father took two males to his automobile business on Whalley Avenue and lost them. As soon as a customer opened the office door, the puppies ran out. Whalley Avenue is a heavily traveled main artery to downtown. The dogs were never found. As far as the two dogs that were left, we gave one male away and kept one male. Judy never recovered from bearing her litter. She became gravely ill and died a few years later. I know my parents regretted their decision to breed her. We never had another dog. My aunt Mary had several cats and a bulldog. The cats died in her house, in a closet I think and what happened to the bulldog, I have no recollection at all.

Do you remember having the chicken pox, mumps or other childhood diseases? Were you ever seriously ill as a child? Who took care of you?

I remember my sister Linda having a very severe case of chickenpox as an infant. Her entire body was covered with scabs. I must have had them too, for I have a scab on my forehead. Once I had a very high fever. Cousin Max Klebanoff, our pediatrician came to our house to examine me and thought I might have scarlet fever but I was never hospitalized. I did have surgery to remove my appendix in 6th grade. I have a recollection of attempting to get off the hospital bed at the urging of the nurses. They wore white caps and white uniforms at that time. I cried and cried, the pain was so severe. I lost three weeks of school. I enjoyed eating in bed and seeing my friends who came to visit. The doctors were very handsome as I remember.

How did you go downtown and get back home? Trolley, bus, car, horseback, walk? Can you remember your first trip? Why did you usually go?

The public bus stopped in front of our house so it was very convenient to travel downtown and back home again. I don't remember my first trip. My mother and I took the bus downtown quite often mostly on Saturdays. Stores were not open on Sunday. Once downtown, we took a trolley that traversed Chapel Street, the main thoroughfare, all the way to Temple and State Streets. My mother bought draperies and dishes at Shartenbergs, coats at Kramers and office supplies at a little shop on Crown Street. I remember what she wore on these shopping trips; a dress, matching hat, white gloves and high heels. I wore a dress and hat also.

Did you ever have a natural disaster in your town like a tornado, flood, or immobilizing snow storm?

Not that I remember. When we were building our house in Woodbridge in 1977, there was a huge snowstorm of more than 30 inches that brought the whole area to a standstill. Schools were closed for a week. The governor called in the National Guard to remove the snow from the streets. They piled it up in drifts that reached rooftops. It was the first time that I wished we lived in Florida.

Describe your neighborhood - rural or suburban? Lots of grass or concrete? Did anyone have fancy gardens, a horse, or something "different" from the norm?

Our neighborhood was on the outskirts of the city. Homes were on city lots perhaps 60 feet by 100 feet. Many of the homes had lovely gardens except ours. Flowers need sun to thrive and we didn't have much of that. We had a beautiful thick, green lawn during the years a landscape company tended to it. The fee was shared between my parents and my aunt and uncle who lived downstairs. One or the other thought the price too high for this service, so the landscape company left and the lawn turned to weeds. I did have a horse that we kept in our detached garage for awhile. We soon discovered this arrangement did not suit the horse or the neighbors. My father gave the horse to a stable on the Boston Post Road where he helped out from time to time. I rode my horse there in the corral.

Do you remember a new family moving into your neighborhood? Did your family welcome them by sending food; were they hard to get to know; did they join your circle of friends?

The Backers who owned a fashionable men's shop downtown lived in the house next door until old man Backer died. The house was a mirror image of ours built by the same construction company. A woman and her adult son bought the house, moved into the second floor and rented the first floor. Young men came to see the son at all hours of the day and night. He was gay, which was not as accepted then as gays are now. This new family became the subject of constant conversations in the neighborhood. They weren't ridiculed but neighbors kept their distance. They were an oddity on our street.

What were your favorite board games?

I played checkers and monolopy, my two favorite board games. Pam and Denis came upstairs and joined in the games until Denis lost the monolopy markers.

Did you ever go door-to-door selling anything to your neighbors? Did you have a lemonade stand?

In the summer before we left for our beach cottage, I would have a lemonade stand on the street in front of our house. Business was brisk for I had a steady stream of customers waiting to get on the public bus.

Would you like to have raised your children in a neighborhood like the one you grew up in? Why or why not?

No, I would not want to raise my children on a busy street with a public bus stop out front.

What were your favorite books, poems or bedtime stories as a child?

I believe I wrote about my books elsewhere. My mother, an avid reader, read a chapter a night to me from all the classics: "Little Women," "Heidi," "The Hardy Boy Series," and "Alice in Wonderland," to name a few. I memorized many of Robert Frost's poems from a book titled "You Come Too, Favorite Poems for Young Readers." I read "The Road Not Taken," a hundred times and more. It goes like this:
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

For me, this poem represents the choices we make in life and where those choices lead us.

Did you go to camp? Did anyone from your neighborhood go with you? Do you remember any of the counselors or groups of kids? What did you do at camp?

Neither my sister nor I went to camp. I don't think any of my friends went to summer camp either. We packed up the car and headed for our beach cottage in Woodmont by the sea. We left on my birthday, June 30th, and did not return until Labor Day. I loved being at the beach house when the weather was warm and sunny. But on rainy days dampness seeped into every nook and cranny of the house. Besides, there wasn't anything to do. I remember one rainy day, Uncle Norman and I decided to mix the margarine which came in a plastic bag with a large yellow dot. The dot was the coloring which needed to be broken then kneaded into the white mass. How did we accomplish this task? By tossing the plastic bag back and forth as if it were a ball. Once the yellow ball broke, we'd take turns squeezing the whole thing until it was a bright yellow mass.

What did you ever do that got you into trouble with your parents? At school? What were the punishments?

One Sunday morning I decided to treat my parents by baking biscuits for breakfast. I took the flour down from the shelf in the pantry, measured a portion out, added water and eggs and mixed the ingredients in a large bowl I had found sitting on top of the small cabinet next to the sink. All of a sudden I heard my mother come racing down the hallway. "What have you done?," she yelled. "It's Passover!" Oops, I completely forgot. My attempt at a good deed turned out to be the worst day ever for a ten year old. As punishment, besides crying till my eyes burned, I had to rescrub everything in the pantry - shelves, sink, floor and go without breakfast. Of course my parents relented about the no breakfast part and I sat down to a plate of fried matzo and eggs which I loved.

Did you attend a religious school? Did you bring those values with you into adulthood?

I think I was around 8 or 9 when I first went to Sunday school. Boys had to attend Hebrew school so they could be a Bar Mitzvah but not the girls. The school, located on Norton Street, was part of Young Israel, an Orthodox Synagogue. The boys' classrooms were on the first floor and the girls had to climb the stairs to the second. My cousins Harvey and Anita attended the school as well. The teacher read bible stories from the Torah to us. We'd spend the morning discussing these stories then color pictures of the bible heroes. The values taught through bible stories did have a lasting impression on me which carried over to the fables I read to our children. I don't remember what hour of the morning Sunday School began but I know I was home by lunchtime. AT some point my parents decided Sunday School wasn't important enough to warrant the extra money and so my Sundays were free once again.

Was your neighborhood a good, safe place in which to take walks? Do you remember any incidences?

Yes, the neighborhood was quite safe. I don't remember any incidents of reported violence or burglary. I was never afraid to walk down the streets alone. I was restricted from traveling, either on foot or car, down lower Goffe Street and lower Whalley Avenue. These were black neighborhoods. And although many of my family's friends and associates were black, my parents did not want me to venture alone into the area.

Did you ever want to run away? Why?

No, never. My sister ran away to Boston when she was around 16. I saw her walking down Ellsworth Avenue, suitcase in hand. It never dawned on me to inquire where she was going. Ed and I were married then. I must have been visiting my parents at the time. She was gone for a week. She finally called home and said she was safe at a friend's apartment. I can understand the stress and worry she caused my parents. We do not have a close relationship.

What was a perfect day when you were a child?

A perfect day would be one where I had no obligations, no piano lessons, no ballet classes, no anything.

What is your first memory?

My first memory is of my red tricycle which I rode on the cement path that joined the house and garage. I believe I was 4, the year we moved into the Goffe Terrace house.

What were the names of neighborhood landmarks? The ice cream store? Drugstore? Barber shop? Grocery store? Flower shop? Shoe repair shop? What do you remember most vividly about them?

I remember the drug store on the corner of Ellsworth and Whalley where I bought penny candy and next to that, the butcher shop with its sawdust covered floor and blood stained chopping block. A few doors down was the movie house where I spent many happy Saturday afternoons. On the corner of Whalley and Boulevard, a small luncheonette made the best fudge sundaes. I'd climb on the swivel seat and place a quarter on the counter, " a fudge sundae please, with lots of whipped cream." I remember Paramount Market where fresh fruits and vegetables were stacked on tables forming high pyramids both inside and outside. This store was a neighborhood landmark for it was always crowded on Friday afternoons just before the Sabbath. People carried bags from the butcher shop to Paramount Market or the reverse route.

Now that you are an adult, what advice would you give to a child about childhood?

Shut off the TV, get away from your video games and use your imagination. Play games, go outdoors, read a book and don't be in a rush to grow up.

Elementary School Years

What was the name of your school? How big was it? What did it look like? Was it a private or public school?

I attended Beecher School, a large, brick imposing building about a mile and a half from our house. I walked to school in the mornings, then walked home for lunch. After an hour or so break, I'd walk back to school for the afternoon session then finally trudged up Goffe Terrace hill arriving back home at around four. There weren't any public school buses at that time. I wish there were for the walk home was so tiring. The school had a separate entrance for boys and girls. I had many friends in school both male and female. These friendships lasted until death or geography separated us. My mother worked, first as a bookkeeper for my father's automobile business and then as a bookkeeper for a dress shop in downtown New Haven so it was rare that she drove me to school except on very rainy or ice cold days. Our black housekeeper, Mary had a snack waiting on the kitchen table for me when I returned from school. We did not escape the daily security drills and sirens even though the war was far off in Europe. At the sound of the siren we'd duck under our desks. In August of 1945, our country dropped an atomic bomb on Japan. I was seven. The school year started with daily trips down to the basement into the bomb shelters.
I enjoyed school, especially geography and history. My mother's love for reading seeped into me. Books were revered in our home. That's probably why I became a teacher and a librarian and still teach today. There's always something new to learn from the written page.

Did you ride a bus to school? If so, did you like riding the bus? Do you remember anything that happened on that bus?

No, I didn't ride a bus to school. There weren't any school buses. I walked, and walked and walked. There was a city bus whose route took it by our house but it didn't run past Beecher School. I did take the public bus to Sheridan Junior High School and to Hillhouse High. The bus stopped right in front of our house and on the ride home, it stopped across the street. How lucky is that not to have to walk blocks to catch the bus as many of my friends who lived on Colony or Bellevue Roads had to do? Sorry, but I can't remember any incidents that happened on the ride to or from school.

What did you learn in school that you still use to this day?

I learned manners and civics in school and also respect for my elders. These were core social ethics that I still abide by today. The courses on citizenship were very interesting. We learned about our flag, our government and our rights. They don't teach civics or social manners in schools anymore. That part of a child's education is left up to the parents. I can tell by being in an elementary school that many parents have neglected their responsibility.

Do you remember being afraid to enter first grade? What did you think when you first saw the classroom?

I don't remember being afraid, it was so long ago. I suppose I must have been to some degree. The classrooms were quite large with dark wooden desks lined up in rows. There was a whole in the top of the desks for our ink bottles and slots to keep pencils. Part of the desk was hinged so it could be opened to retrieve papers and books. The chair was attached to the desk, which was a good thing. You never had to push your chair in. The windows in the classrooms went almost to the ceilings, letting in lots of light. I remember the coatrooms were outside the classroom along the hallway. We walked in line down to the basement to use the bathrooms twice each day.

Do remember "getting" a concept? Cursive writing, maybe? Do you remember the moment when you realized you could read? Was school work hard or easy for you?

I enjoyed school very much. In third grade we had to learn our multiplication tables. Every day, the teacher would call on a student to stand by his desk and recite a certain number table. I was very pleased when I could recite the 2 through 9 tables by memory. I could read very early on for there were always books in our home. My mother read a chapter from a novel every night even when I could read the stories myself. The one difficult part of school for me was reciting "The Lord's Prayer" each morning. It was a Christian prayer which Jewish children should not recite. My mother told me to say the prayer except for the last line. It goes like this:
"Our Father, which art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done, in earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them
That trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the
glory, for ever and ever."

Did you like physical education / gym class? Did you feel you were good at sports? Were you picked first or last for the teams?

We didn't have a gym in school. When the weather was good, we'd go outside and play baseball or dodge ball. I was usually the last to be picked for a team. I could run fast but I couldn't bat very well and I wore glasses. Besides, I was much shorter than many of the other girls. I remember how badly I felt to be the last girl to be picked on a team. I made friends with Marie Maturo. Everyone liked her and she was excellent in sports. Our friendship helped lift my popularity in that area.

Do you remember shopping for school clothes? Getting excited at what you would wear the first few weeks? Did you ever go to school where you wore a uniform?

Door to door salesmen brought everything from pots and pans, scissors, books, toys and children's clothes. A gentleman came to our home, his arms loaded with dresses, skirts and blouses. He'd spread them out for my mother and I to see. After I tried some on and we made our choices, he'd return with the correct sized clothes. It was a very convenient way to shop. We never wore uniforms, only the Catholic schools required uniforms. Sometimes on Saturday, my mother would take my sister and me downtown to buy clothes and shoes for special occasions. The Buster Brown shoe store was on Chapel Street. The first thing the clerk did was have me step up on a platform to Xray my feet. I could see all the little bones illuminated in blue light. Then he'd bring a selection of shoes in the correct size. Shoes weren't arranged on racks for self-selection. They did away with the X-rays years later when the government determined X-rays were dangerous to health. I liked going shopping with my Bubbe Heller because she never had a price limit. She spoiled me outrageously. She bought me a very expensive coat from Hamilton's Department Store, a shop on upper Chapel Street near Yale University. My mother was upset that my grandmother would spend so much money for a coat but she let me keep it. As soon as I turned 16, Bubbe and Zayde Heller made me a short Raccoon fur jacket. My parents refused to let me wear it to school. I did pack it up for college.
Saturday was also movie and lunch out day. With seventy-five cents in my pocket, I took the bus downtown, met friends for lunch at our favorite Chinese restaurant and went to a movie. Afterward, I took the bus back home. I never realized how far seventy-five cents could go. Never did my mother fear for my safety. People of all ages thronged the downtown streets. It was the place to see and be seen in New Haven.
Sunday was the best day of the weekend. We drove to Bubbe Heller's house on Legion Avenue, a Jewish neighborhood of apartment houses, Jewish shops and the best bakery in town. I loved this neighborhood with its sights and smells. It was a long drive for us. We lived on the other side of town but many of my friends who I met later in high school, lived in that area. Ed grew up nearby and probably went there on Sundays too, except I didn't know him then.

Did you eat lunch at school or go home? Did you bring your own lunch? Did you have a lunchbox? If so, what did it look like?

I didn't eat lunch in school until I entered 7th grade at Sheridan Middle School on Fountain Street. I never remember having a lunch box. I probably took a paper bag. As I said before, I walked home for lunch during my elementary school years.

How did you get to school...walk alone, with friends, bus, parent, neighbor?

I walked down Goffe Terrace hill to school. Ellen Buress lived on the lower part of Goffe Terrace where the street leveled out. She'd join me as did other children in the neighborhood. One day, as I walked home for lunch, I had just passed Ellen's house when I noticed a garden full of tulips on the other side of the street. I'd guess I was 7 or 8 at the time. There must have been hundreds of tulips planted in borders against a white picket fence, yellows, reds, pinks and other color variations. My mother would love some blooms, I thought as I bent over and picked two to bring home to her. Suddenly, a man came racing out of the house. He yelled and screamed at me. I started to run but he caught up to me and grabbed my hand. He asked where I lived. "What a naughty girl you are to pick my flowers," he said as he pulled me up the hill. I know I wet my pants and cried hysterically. He rang my front doorbell which hardly anyone ever did. Thank heavens my mother was home. When she opened the door, I rushed into her arms. The man stood there holding the smashed flowers in his hand. I don't remember what he said to her. The next thing I knew I was sitting on her lap in the living room as she tried to calm me down. I have never forgotten that incident. I don't think she sent me back to school for the afternoon session. What a horrible thing to do to a child over two insignificant tulips when he had so many more.

What did you do in the summertime when there was no school?

We went to Woodmont, in Milford, for the summer. We had a cottage on Gerard Street, not directly on the water but a few blocks away. My Aunt Mary, her husband Norman and their two children, Pam and Denis lived in the house, too. Most of my friends had summer cottages in Woodmont. Ed's parents rented an apartment at Bagel Beach, as it was called. I must have run into him on the beach. He never sits in the sun anymore. As a child, he'd gotten a severe sunburn and that event soured him from soaking up the sun ever since. Each June I'd watch the rose buds outside my bedroom window and when they burst into bloom, I knew it was time to leave for the beach.

Did you say the "Pledge of Allegiance" to start the day? Did you say a prayer? How did you feel about those topics as a child?

Not only did I say the "Pledge of Allegiance" and sang "My Country 'Tis of Thee," but I was required to recite "The Lords Prayer" every morning. This morning ritual must have taken a good deal of time. I knew that as a Jewish child I should not say the prayer.

Did you have a hobby during those years? Did you ice skate, build things or perform magic, etc.? Did your school mates know about it or did you keep it to yourself?

I took ballet lessons for several years. I wore a tutu, had toe shoes and performed on stage at the Schubert Theater with my class. I continued with lessons into my teens. My dream to perform on stage with a professional ballet troupe was squashed when the instructor informed my mother I would never make it. I just wasn't that talented. Talk about being blunt.

What did you think of the older kids? Did they seem sophisticated to you? Were they doing some activity that you just could hardly wait to do?

I wanted to wear lipstick and wear a bra like my cousins Mickey and Anita. When no one was looking, I'd stuff my blouse with rolled up socks and prance around the house. I also raided my mother's makeup. I couldn't wait to be a real woman. I remember watching Lil and Mary, my New York cousins, apply makeup when they came to visit. They seemed so sophisticated.

What was your attitude about school? Were you excited about it, bored or just tolerated it?

My parents made school a priority so I took it seriously. My mother grilled me before spelling, history and math exams. She was a bookkeeper so math came easy to her except for algebra. I really enjoyed school and I did very well.

Do you remember kindergarten? What do you remember?

No, I don't remember kindergarten at all. It was too many years ago and my memory of those years have faded.

Did you have any friends who went with you all the way from elementary school through high school? Are they still your friends?

Yes. Sarah Jane Schaeffler, Elaine Shanken and Rhoda Hankin went to elementary school and high school with me. We were very close friends. I've lost contact with them since my marriage to Ed. I see Elaine at high school reunions where we revisit our youthful days.

Did you have a favorite teacher?

I remember my 5th grade teacher, a woman, whose name I have forgotten. She'd pull down maps that hung in a roll attached to the blackboard and point out the states to be studied. She told wonderful stories about people who lived there, about the forests, rivers and animals. Yes, this teacher made geography come alive for me. That was the year I won a geography bee and received two tickets to a symphony concert at Woolsey Hall.

Do you ever remember your mother coming to your school for any reason? What was the usual punishment at your school for wrongdoing?

If you misbehaved, the teacher would smack your hands with a ruler or pull you by the ear down the hall to the principal's office. I don't ever remember my mother being called to school. The worst I ever did was forget to turn in my homework which happened on very rare occasions.

Is there anything else you would like to write about the school years before high school?

None of the teachers in elementary school were male even the principal was a woman. I never envisioned them having a private life outside of the classroom. They were people to be obeyed and feared.

Life in a Small Town

What was the name, state and population of your town?

What was the main source of the town's income?

Did you have the pride of having a farm or business handed down from generation to generation?

What types of food were generally considered for dinner time? Have you raised your family with the same types of foods?

How did friendships differ from rural life vs large city life (if you have experienced both)?

Did you ever dream of leaving your small town?

What invention came last to rural areas from the cities?

What time did you get up in the morning? What were the sounds of the farm, fields, farmhouse, and barns?

What are some of the biggest differences between living in a small town and a big city? Pros and cons?

Holidays and Celebrations

Do you like your birthday or dread it? What birthday do you remember the most?

I wished my birthday fell during the school term so I could celebrate it with my classmates. By June 30, my birthday, school had ended for the summer. I work at Peck Place School in Orange where the teachers celebrate monthly birthdays by hosting a special breakfast. I'm always excluded from these celebrations. I remember my 16th birthday vividly. It was common practice in the 50's for girls to have gala sweet sixteen parties and mine was no different. My parents hosted the party at a restaurant that had a large ballroom. It was located in Derby, Connecticut near Lake Zoar. I believe dinner was buffet with dancing afterward to a four-piece band. The emcee mixed up the dance numbers from couples to groups so everyone participated. Then came the presents. I didn't open them. My parents thought it bad taste. Instead, they packed them in the car. I wrote thank you notes to everyone who attended whether they gave me a gift or not. My girlfriends brought a special beau if they had one. I invited Alan Bresner as my escort. We had been dating for about 3 months, I really liked him. The ambiance of the lake, the scent of roses that grew all over the grounds, the balloons and decorations made for an intoxicating evening.

Did you get to choose the meal on your birthday? Were birthdays considered a "big deal" when you were young? Did you raise your children to think they were a big deal?

My birthday parties were held at home except for my 16th. I don't think my parents served a meal, just cake and ice cream. We'd play games like "pin the tail on the donkey." Yes, birthdays for my sister and I were big deals. Ed and I raised our children not to think birthdays were a big deal, but to know that birthdays were a big deal. I remember some of our children's birthday parties - bowling parties, MacDonald parties, movie parties and home parties. When our children became teenagers, we'd treat each one to a special dinner at a fancy restaurant where they could choose anything off the menu. I enjoyed those birthdays the best, spending time alone with our child, listening, laughing and wondering where the years have gone.

Did your family make birthday cakes or did you buy them? What were the favorite flavors? What kind of birthday parties did you give for your children?

My mother had no interest in baking cakes. We ordered my birthday cake from a kosher bakery, decorated with pink roses. Roses and June just go together don't you think? I loved deep, rich chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting and another favorite, the ice cream cake, although it melted quickly in June. Our home was not airconditioned. I saw a beautiful cake built around a Barbie doll in "Good Housekeeping" magazine. The cake formed the doll's gown from her waist to her feet. I followed the directions and was very pleased with the way the cake turned out. I can't remember the occasion, I was only ten. I think I've already answered the question about the types of birthday parties we gave our children. Actually, we let them choose the party they wanted. The boys chose bowling parties, the small duck pins, and the girls' parties were either held at home or at McDonald's. Jeffrey and his ex-wife, Amy, owned a very successful bakery in Framingham, Mass. called "The Bread Basket." I must confess, I miss the bakery. Ed and I would make that our first stop whenever we went to visit. The finest cake Jeff ever made was the 7 or 8 tiered wedding cake for his sister, Carolyn. She sent Jeff a picture of this magnificent cake she'd cut from a Martha Stewart wedding magazine. How Jeff manipulated this mile-high cake into his van for the long drive to Connecticut without any damage is a modern miracle of cake manipulation.

What were the most important religious holidays you celebrated throughout the year? What was the significance of the holiday (i.e., why were you celebrating it)?

My parents were a contradiction in religious observances. Although we were Jewish, every Christmas, my parents would buy presents for my sister and me. We never had a tree but Santa always had a tray of cookies and milk placed strategically by the fireplace. My mother took me to Macy's Department store where we waited in line for hours to see Santa. I told him the gifts I wanted. He asked if I had been a good girl all year long and I replied that I had. On Christmas morning there they were, if not all I wished for, at least the most desired gifts. On Chanukah we'd light the menorah to celebrate the Festival of Lights and eat latkas. Our parents gave us Chanukah gelt, or money. This practice of celebrating Christmas along with Chanukah finally came to a heartbreaking end when I was ten. By then, I knew before my parents told my sister and me, that there really wasn't a Santa Clause or that if he did exist, he didn't come to visit Jewish children.
Passover was a huge celebration in our home. This Jewish holiday celebrated the liberation of the Jews from slavery in Egypt long before the birth of Christ. It is a week long religious holiday when only certain foods, absent of flour, can be eaten. Out maid Mary helped prepare, serve and clean up the mounds of dishes and crystal glassware used for this elaborate meal. Her husband, Mitchell helped as well. I remember our maid's black dress and starched white apron and Mitchell with his black suit and bowtie. They were such a handsome couple. Twenty relatives sitting down to the seder meal was not uncommon. Zayde Heller led the service in Hebrew. No one, except probably my father, knew what he was saying. Denis, my youngest cousin, recited the four questions each year. The seder seemed to go on forever, but my sister, along with our cousins Harvey and Anita, Mickey and Leah, Pam and Denis would sneak away to the bedrooms to play games until we were called back into the dining room to search for the affrocamen, the wrapped piece of matzo. Only the person who found it would get money. Ed gives every grandchild money at our Passover seder regardless of who found it or if they even bothered to look.

How did you celebrate each major holiday?

I look forward to Thanksgiving dinner. During my high school years, our football team went against rival Wilbur Cross High the morning of Thanksgiving. I think this was the only game I attended. Late afternoon, around 4p.m., our family sat down to turkey, candied sweet potatoes, stuffing, tossed salad and apple pie for dessert. For the past few years, Ed and I have had Thanksgiving dinner at Terry and Bruce Alpert's home, our son-in-law's brother and sister-in-law who live in Madison. When our children were small, I'd have Thanksgiving dinner. Now that Jim and Gayle are married, with in-laws and their traditions, Ed and I do not host the holiday because our children, except for Carolyn and Jonathan, cannot attend. The only holiday that brings our family together as one unit is Chanukah. I can't tell you how much I miss not having our children and grandchildren with us at holiday time. How many more years do we have to spend together?
The Purim holiday celebrates Queen Esther's rescue of the Jews from a tyrant Pharaoh, the ruler of ancient Egypt. I'd dress up as Queen Esther, for that was my mother's name, and parade up and down the aisles of the synagogue with other costumed children. Almost every girl dressed as Queen Esther. There were noise makers used to boo Haman, the Persian official who plotted to kill the Jews and three-cornered pastries called hamentashen that we'd consume after the service. The celebration of this joyful Jewish holiday remains the same to this day.
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the Jewish New Year, is a somber holiday. I recall women in the synagogue crying and praying for a sweet year, a long life. The men, with their heads covered, rocked back and forth in prayer. This was not a fun holiday for a child who had to sit in utter silence through the entire morning service. Today, most synagogues have separate rooms for the children where they can play and learn the significance of this most holy of holidays. My mother, sister and I walked several miles to services then had to walk home again, exhausted from standing so long during prayers. The best part of this holiday came when I was in my teens. My friends and I would walk from synagogue to synagogue dressed in fancy clothes, visiting cousins, uncles, aunts and sizing up the boys. Looking for our male counterparts was the real motive for our journeys. This cannot be done today. Congregants must purchase tickets to gain admission to a synagogue. Too bad. Something wonderful has been lost.
I remember fondly the celebration of Sukkot and Simhat Torah. My father would take my sister and me to the synagogue where we'd march down the aisles holding apples on a stick. Our neighbors on Ray Road, the Levys, had built a sukkot, a crude square structure with open roof where they'd invite us to join them for lunch. Ed and I never built one at our home. Now you can purchase a ready made one and easily erect it outside.
We never celebrated Easter or Valentine's Day for they were Christian celebrations. We did dress up in costumes for Halloween, although that too is a Christian holiday. A childless couple, who lived near my Aunt Sally and Uncle Max on Winthrope Avenue, had a party at their home each Halloween. Their living room filled with costumed children bobbing for apples and eating treats. Then they'd lead all of us through the streets of the neighborhood until our parents came for us and took us home. I remember this holiday with great fondness.

What were some of the best memories from any of the holidays you celebrated?

At sundown on Yom Kippur, our family broke the fast at aunt Sally and Max's home on Winthrope Avenue. Long wooden tables stretched across the width of the living room covered with bowls of herring, eggs, tuna fish salad and aunt Sally's famous sweet rolls. I loved that holiday for all my cousins were there and after we filled our stomachs we'd climb the stairs to Harvey's bedroom to play board games until it was time to leave.

What are some of your memorable birthdays from your life? Were any birthdays particularly difficult because you reached a certain numerical age?

I couldn't wait to grow up. When I turned 16, I wanted to be 20. When I turned 22, I wanted to be 30 and finished with child-bearing. But the most difficult birthday was my 50th. I spent the day with my mother at The Jewish Home for the Aged on Davenport Avenue. "Mom, can you believe I'm 50?" She answered with a grin. "So, how do you think that makes me feel, having a daughter who's 50?" She died the following January. That birthday was the most difficult for our entire family.

Is there a holiday present or birthday present that especially sticks out in your mind?

My Bubbe Heller presented me with a raccoon fur jacket on my 16th birthday. I was thrilled, my mother livid. I didn't wear it until I went off to college. I wore it for four winters at school. Fur coats must be stored in a cold environment so they won't dry out. I didn't do that. As a result, my beautiful jacket fell apart and I had to throw it out.

Did you have a shower for a wedding or baby? Do you have special memories of these events? Who was there?

Jews do not have baby showers, a superstition I believe. My wedding shower was held at a restaurant downtown New Haven. I've forgotten its name. My aunts and female cousins came, my mother-in-law and of course my mother and sister. I received tons of silver-plated trays, bowls and candlesticks some of which I still have. They are stored away wrapped in plastic. I'm not up to polishing them, besides, Ed and I do not entertain formally any longer. Everything is casual now. Tables are set with dishes and platters that can be tossed into the dishwasher. I remember Ed's shower gift, a very sexy silk nightgown and matching robe. I know he didn't purchase it himself, he dislikes shopping. My mother-in-law bought it for him to present to me and I wore it the first night of our honeymoon. I had another shower for my friends held at my house on Goffe Terrace.

Was Mother's Day an important day? How did you typically celebrate it?

Ed's family celebrated Mother's Day at Nellie Green's Restaurant overlooking the Branford River. The first year Ed and I were married created a problem on Mother's Day so I convinced my parents to join the Lemkins so I could honor my mother and mother-in-law together. I was very pregnant with our first child, Jeffrey. My due date was May 13th and Mother's Day in 1961 fell on May 14th. In the back of my mind, I feared I might go into labor yet I felt fine, so I went. I lunched on baked-stuffed lobster, a favorite dish I only have at restaurants. The next morning my water broke just as Ed was about to leave for work. Jeffrey is my Mother's Day baby. How considerate of him to wait until I'd finished a delightful lunch. I wanted him to be with me every Mother's Day but when he married Amy, Mother's Day was spent with her family. Jeff and Amy owned a bakery which closed early each Mother's Day but Connecticut is a 2 hours drive from Framingham. Now that he and Amy are divorced and he no longer runs a bakery, I have my Mother's Day child with me once again. This year, I told Ed that I want to drive up to Newton and celebrate the day with our two sons and their families. Jim spends holidays with Diane's family but this year we will be together. I will soon be 71 years old. In my mind I can see the tunnel ahead that will end my life. I don't want to waste the few years I have left apart from my children and grandchildren. I'm so looking forward to this year's Mother's Day.

Was Father's Day an important day? How did you typically celebrate it?

We never went out to celebrate Father's Day, even now. My father received gifts, a tie or cufflinks. I'd prepare a special breakfast for Ed, hand him the gifts the children and I purchased then go for a drive in the afternoon to visit his dad and mine. This Father's Day we are driving to Hull to see Brianna's dance recital. As long as we are together, the manner in which we celebrate Father's Day doesn't matter.

As a child, what did you do on the Fourth of July? What do you do now?

My parents spent the Fourth of July at our cottage in Woodmont. We'd drive down to the beach and watch the fireworks while snacking on hot dogs and hamburgers at Jimmies across from the beach. Ed and I took our children to watch the fireworks display either down by the harbor in New Haven or at the West Haven beachfront. I remember when I was about 9 or 10, I had a friend, Rhoda Hankin, whose father owned a boat. I went on the boat to watch the fireworks in East Haven on Long Island Sound. We sat on chairs at the stern on the open sea while the colorful display and blasts filled the sky. Ed and I celebrate the Fourth by staying home. Sometimes, we manage to stay awake long enough to watch fireworks on television. Usually, one of our friends invite us for a cook-out, or we will have the family over to our home. We don't enjoy driving in traffic during holiday weekends. Gayle and Jay invite us to a cook-out at their home in Madison. Jay is a fabulous chef. We so enjoy being with Sophie and Abby, sitting in the warm sun on the deck while Jay prepares a special meal. I've seen enough fireworks in my lifetime.

What do you do on New Year's Eve normally? What was the fanciest New Year's Eve party you ever attended?

Our synagogue, Beth El-Keser Israel celebrated New Year's by hosting a dinner dance. Ed and I were on the committee for many years. It was great fun and a very safe evening since the synagogue is close to home. The best New Year's was in celebration of the millieme year of 2,000. Our friends Helen and Richard Ross and Irene and Stanley Leben joined us at a dinner dance in the grand banquet hall at Woodwinds in Branford. The evening cost a great deal of money but we'd never experience a millieme again. I wore my mother-of-the-bride gown I bought for Carolyn's wedding. We had a picture taken on the grand staircase. I'm so glad we did that for Stanley died last year. I look at that picture often.

High School

Where did you go to high school? What was your mascot? What were your school colors? Do you remember any of the cheers? What was your favorite song during high school? What type of music was popular?

From 1953 to 1956, I attended James Hillhouse High School located on Tower Parkway in downtown New Haven. The building mimicked the architecture of Yale University with columns framing the expansive entrance. The school isn't there anymore, apparently Yale wanted its footprint. Our mascot, copied from Yale, which we were closely allied to, if not by academics, surely by location, was the bulldog.
"Bulldog, Bulldog, Bow-wow-wow
Hillhouse High.
We're singing Bulldog, Bulldog
Bow-wow-wow.
Our team will do or die.
When the boys from Hillhouse
Break through the line-
This is the song we'll cry,
We're singing Bulldog, Bulldog,
Bow-wow-wow.
Hillhouse High."
The school colors were blue and white worn by all the sport teams and the cheerleaders. I didn't participate in any of the school sports but was an avid spectator of the basketball team. Ironically, I married the star football player. I didn't have any contact with him in school, and if I did, I would not have dated him. He hung around with a raunchy crowd of guys. Of course, age has mellowed them all and we are good friends today.
I'm happy to see that the music of the 50's is still played on the radio and Doo-Wop concerts are very popular. How the promoters of these shows chose the term Doo-Wop is a mystery to me. Songs like "In the Still of the Night" by The Platters, "Sincerely," by the McGuire Sisters, and so many more. Several boys from our school formed a musical group called "The Academics" and became very popular in the music world. "The oldies but goodies" as they say. Our generation had great music. We had the rhythm, the beat and those crazy lyrics. The groups choreographed synchronized dance moves as they sang. We were a great dancing generation from the jitterbug to the fox trot and everything in between.

Who were your friends? What did you like about them? Who were your favorite teachers?

My best friends in high school were Harriet Medley, Rhoda Hankin, Sarah Jane Schaefler and Elaine Shanken. There were many other classmates that were friends too like Linda Cooley who introduced me to my husband, Goldie Estra who later became a cousin, Linda Klebanoff who I was related to, Joan Lapinsky, Marie Maturo who I went to elementary school with, Robert Eisle who lived across the street, Helen Abeshouse who is my best friend today, Helaine Blech who later married the boy I dated in high school, Robert Kelo because he watched over me, and Robert Resnik who became a doctor and was on duty the day I delivered my first child. I spent many weekend hours at Constance Kenney's house on Springside Avenue because she lived close to the riding stable where I went horseback riding. My friends and I shared a commonality of values, we enjoyed the same things and shared the same goals in life. Harriet Medley died of a heart attack several years ago and Robert Eisle died too. Elaine Shanken and Joan Lapinsky moved to Florida. Helen Abeshouse Ross also married a fellow classmate as I did. My husband and I get together with them quite often. They are dear, dear friends. I regret that I didn't keep in contact with Sarah Jane Schaefler after I married and had children. She and I were so close in high school. But it takes two to make a friendship last.

What kind of extra-curricular activities did you do in high school? Were you on the school paper? A sports team? Were you a class officer? A cheerleader? A nerd? Were your friends involved in the same activities as you were?

I had a few small roles in "The York Square Players," the drama club in school and wrote some stories for "The Sentinel" our school's literary magazine. I wasn't a school officer, cheerleader or nerd. And I didn't play any sports. I regret that I didn't get more involved in extra-curricular activities in high school. I've tried to encourage our grandson Max, who is now in high school, to get involved so he won't have the regrets that I do.

Were you ever honored at school? Varsity letter? Homecoming court? Valedictorian? Do you remember the students who were?

No, I was never honored as such. I did receive high academic grades. Michael Gold was the smartest boy I knew. Michael won the country-wide Merit Scholarship examination the year we graduated in 1956. He went on to become some sort of engineer of very high regard. Janet Perry illustrated our yearbook. She is a children's book illustrator. The media center at Peck Place School has many of the books she's illustrated. Our newspaper, "The Sentinel" took first place at both the Columbia Scholastic Press Association and The National Scholastic Press national contest. Roseanne Zudekoff and William Wexler were voted the most dignified students, and the brightest were Joel Mermin and Linda Strossenmeyer. Leon Nelson was our president and Roseanne Zudekoff, our Valedictorian. Ed and I see Roseanne from time to time and it's always a delight to speak with her.

Do you remember any students you felt sorry for because other students made fun of them or took advantage of them?

Yes, I remember a girl named Toby Beck who lived in a railroad flat on Whalley Avenue close to the movie theater. Sometimes I'd meet her on a Saturday afternoon and we'd take in a movie. For the fifty cent price, it seems a great bargain today. The people I hung around made jokes about her weight, and worst of all, the place where she lived. We all lived in either one family homes or apartments in multi-family houses. Toby's home was above a store. She was really very sweet. We were good friends in school but I didn't socialize with her after graduation. I don't know what became of her. My husband, who is quite active in our reunions over the years, could never locate her. I wonder if she died.

Were you a diligent student or did you have a more casual approach?

Yes, I guess I was a diligent student. I always fretted too much over my assignments especially the memorization of historic dates for Mr. Cherman's American history class. The class nicknamed him "Muzzy," after the author of our history textbook. His class was so boring. How would dates of battles help me understand the lessons of history? As soon as I got home, I did my homework. I typed my research papers on my mother's underwood typewriter and spent hours at the library. I remember the onion skin typewriting paper, so thin it slipped off the typewriter roller. I can't remember ever getting less than a B on any of my research papers. I think Math and English were my best subjects. I tutor math and writing at the elementary school where I work.

Did you study a foreign language? Did those lessons stick with you? Were you ever able to use that language on vacation or in your community?

Foreign languages were required courses in the Academic program. The first two years I studied Latin which helped improve my vocabulary because so many English words have Latin roots. The last two years of school I devoted to French. Mildred Pond was the instructor. I enjoyed being in her class. We conjugated verbs so you really couldn't have a conversation with a Frenchman or take a trip to France and make yourself understood. I tried to speak French when my parents took my sister and me to Quebec but failed miserably. I enjoyed the cadence of the French language. It's very romantic. No one spoke Latin except in Church. I've only been to church for weddings or funerals. The other language choices were Russian and German. I regret that I didn't study Russian. I could have conversed with cousin Manya. The foreign language curriculum in public schools today begins in elementary school. The language of choice, Spanish. The children are immersed in the culture and regions of the language. By the time they enter fifth grade, they are fluent in the Spanish language. I wish it were that way when I went to school. It is so beneficial to be bilingual

Did science or math come hard to you? Did art or English come easily? Do you remember any long papers you wrote or any special projects?

I hated chemistry, all those tables and chemical symbols to memorize. I did very well in math. It was my best subject besides history. I would have enjoyed history more if we didn't have to memorize the dates of every battle ever fought here and abroad. They don't teach history that way anymore, thank heavens. It was so boring and useless. I liked to write and so I did well on my history papers. Computers hadn't been invented yet, so I typed my papers on my mother's typewriter which I still have, or wrote longhand on lined paper.
Art class was a pleasure, I think I had a real talent for drawing, a gene inherited from my father. He liked to draw too, especially horses heads. I attended Paier Art School in New Haven during the summer of my junior year in high school.

Who did you go to your prom with? What did you wear? Did you dance much?

I went to my senior prom with Lenny Denner. We weren't dating. I had recently broken up with Alan Beresner and didn't have a date for the prom so when Lenny asked me, I said yes. He brought me a lovely wrist corsage, an orchid surrounded by baby's breath. I couldn't get it on my wrist. My mother attempted to help and the band snapped right in front of Lenny. I was mortified. My aunt Mary came to the rescue, dissembled the flower and pinned it to my gown. I wore a pink tulle over silk gown sewn from a McCall's pattern that Mary made for me. She was a skilled seamstress but not very reliable or timely. She sat at the sewing machine as Lenny ascended the stairs to pick me up. The gown wasn't finished. She basted the side seams of the bodice after I slipped it over my head. All that evening I worried that the seams would split apart, but they didn't. Lenny wasn't a good dancer. I had a dance book where you filled in the name of the boy who next asked you to dance. I think I danced with Lenny only twice during the evening.
That same year, I went to the Yale Junior Prom with Miles Winetraub. I purchased my gown at Harold's Bridal Shop in New Haven. I can't remember the color but it was strapless which my mother objected to and so Aunt Mary came to the rescue again and sewed ribbon straps onto the top which appeased my mother and made me feel like a baby. The Yale Junior Prom was a big deal held at Yale's Payne Whitney Gym. When Miles arrived at our home, my father whipped out his 16mm camera and started shooting. I'd love to see that film again but my sister has all the reels of family footage and Ed and I don't own a projector.
My parents really liked Miles because he was Jewish and went to Yale. Our dating came to an end when he returned home for the summer and I went off to college.

Were you a beatnik, hippie or rebel?

I was none of the above. I conformed to the norm in every way.

Did you have hobbies, read a lot, enjoy political debates, bands, or just hanging out with your friends? Did you have a part time job? Did you babysit? Did you do volunteer your time?

I painted on canvas and sketched in pencil. I'd take my pad down to West Rock Park and draw landscapes of the trees and small footbridge that connected one area of the park to another. I turned the attic room Uncle Nate used into an art studio where I kept my oil color tubes and brushes away from my sister.
I worked after school at the New Haven Public Library. I walked across the downtown green to the library, then after my shift, took the bus home. What did I do there? I shelved books. Uncle Nate remarried sometime after I graduated college. His new wife and I had an immediate common bond for she, too, worked for the library as its publicist until her retirement and eventual move to Vermont. I did babysit infrequently for my cousin Leah's children on Scranton Street. I didn't get paid, I babysat as a favor.

Were you popular? If not, did it bother you? Did you buy a class ring? Was it a big expense for you?

I consider myself popular in high school for I had many friends both male and female. Just the other day, I bumped into Eliot Brause at Stop and Shop. The first words out of his mouth were, "I often think of our time together on Goffe Terrace." Eliot's wife, Judy died 2 years ago from breast cancer. He lost a great deal of weight, sported a very attractive gray short beard and looked quite dashing. His great height no longer appeared overwhelming. I never bought a class ring, it was quite expensive and my parents had to save every dollar to send me off to college.

Where did your crowd hang out? Did you go to a diner, drugstore, library, friends' houses, etc.?

We went to house parties where we danced to records, played ping pong and in the summer, went down to the beach. Sloppy Joe's, down in Woodmont was the local gathering spot to meet and greet in the summertime. There weren't any malls where kids hang out today. Taking in a movie on a Saturday afternoon was also a favorite place to be with friends as was the local drug store where we swung around on counter stools and ate sundaes and drank ice cream floats. Those were times of teenage innocence. Our cars were big deals, too. We piled into our big cars, with their shiny chrome trim and wings, and drove around downtown New Haven. There was room in the front to hold three people and four or five in the rear. We didn't have any particular destination and no one was tethered by seatbelts. My father gave me a red convertible when I turned 16. Because I was short, I had difficulty reaching the gas and clutch peddles in a sitting position so I drove by half standing, half sitting. My father said I drove like a truck driver which was a compliment.

What were the clothing trends when you were in high school? Did you follow the trends?

The girls wore mid-calf skirts with blouses or seaters tucked in, crew socks and penny loafers with a shiny new penny that fit perfectly in the slot at the toe of the shoes. The most popular hair style for girls was called the pony cut. The hair curved slightly at the nape of the neck. My hair, worn long, was either tied back in a pony tail or left to hang around my shoulders. The boys wore shirts with ties, trousers and leather jackets and their hair, somewhat on the long side on top was combed back against their foreheads into a high arc. I have pictures of Ed with his hair combed this way. My favorite skirt was a plaid tartan with a large safety pin on the side. These skirts were the rage, all the girls had at least one. I remember a long grey skirt I had which flared out at the hemline. I wore it with a wide black belt cinched at the waist. My waist size was around 19 inches. I'll never see that again. I could slip into a size 5 dress with room to spare. One day, as I was climbing the marble stairs to Mr. Cherman's history class on the second floor, my foot caught the stiff ring at the bottom of my crinoline and the entire slip fell to my ankles. I don't know how I continued up the stairs with my slip hanging around my feet. I probably ran to the bathroom and threw it away, crying I'm sure. Angora sweaters were quite popular, too, except the yarn got on everything especially the person who sat next to you. I went to the New Haven Arena to see an ice skating show. I wore my white angora sweater which was a mistake. My date's jacket had white angora fluffs all over it.
At the beach, I wore one-piece bathing suits. The bottom part covered my hips straight across from one side to the other and everytime I walked, the material creeped up so I was constantly yanking the sides down. I never remember wearing a two-piece suit or a bikini. I don't think they were around then. And never any sun screen lotion. I didn't have any. No one did. I'd slop on baby oil which created a sandy mess on my skin. I tanned until my skin turned red and peeled. I remember my mother smoothing vapor rub across my shoulders and on my chest to take the sting away. No wonder I am now afflicted with skin cancer.

Who was your principal? Who was your gym teacher? Coaches? Did you spend much time at the library? Was homework easy for you?

The principal's name was Robert T. Levine, a very stern looking fellow. Frank Nettleton, the Assistant Principal was much more approachable. Viola Gradeck, the girls gym teacher, made us run laps in our one-piece gym suits and never allowed us to leave even if we had to go the bathroom until gym period was over. I remember the fun we had in the locker rooms gossiping about certain boys and who they were dating. Yes, I spent a great deal of time in the library during study hall. Homework wasn't easy, especially the research papers I had to complete. Everything had to be written in hand, then typed. Computers weren't invented, yet. My mother typed many of my papers for she was an excellent typist. I didn't take typing courses because I was in the academic tract and typing was only offered to the business students.

Did your parents like your friends? Were you happy in high school?

Yes, my parents were very fond of all my friends, most of whom lived in the neighborhood. Now as I think back to my high school years I must admit those were the real "Happy Days," although I didn't know it at the time. I would love to crawl inside a time machine and push the reverse button back to 1954.

Did you ever skip school? Where did you usually go after school? Did you do homework after school? Did you work in high school? Did you ever get disciplined in high school?

The only times I missed school is when I was ill. After school I walked across the green to the library where I worked as a page. This meant that I shelved books and neatened the reading tables. My best friend, Sarah Jane Schaeffler, worked as a page, too. Together we would walk around the stacks on the first floor and eye the handsome Yalies and ROTC cadets. On one of my tours of the stacks, I met a soldier who had come to Yale for a military course. He was from Ohio. He seemed to be coming to the library more often. I began to wear fancier clothes to work and high heels. One day he followed me as I was shelving books and asked me for a date. I said yes immediately then regretted my hastiness. I didn't know how my parents would feel about me dating someone who wasn't Jewish. My parents liked him and saw nothing wrong in our dating, so long as it wasn't serious. But he was. In fact, on graduation day from Yale, he brought his whole family to the house to meet me. His mother whispered in my ear," I was so sure (I've forgotten his name) had bought an engagement ring and was going to propose tonight." This could not be happening. I had no intention of marrying him. I wanted to flee. But all's well that ends well. He didn't propose. We all went out to dinner and after he brought me home and kissed me goodbye, we parted ways.
No, I never really got disciplined unless you count the time Herman Cherman yelled at me right in the hall so everyone could hear. I was to make an oral report on a battle, I can't remember what, and at the last minute I chickened out. That morning I told him I couldn't do the report in front of the class. Well! He hauled me out into the hallway and let me have it. Something about responsibility and honor and not letting the whole class down. So I stood in front of the class and spoke and it was over. But I never forgot how belittled I felt or how much I really hated Herman Cherman.

How did you usually spend your weekends? Did you do chores around the house? Did you spend more time at one friend's house than anybody else's? At whose house did people gather? How did their parents like having all the kids around?

I cleaned my room and tidied up the den if I had been snacking while watching television. Of course I helped my mother clear the dishes off the kitchen table. Sometimes, I wiped them after she had washed them in the sink. Other than that, our maid did most of the cleaning up. I spent a great deal of time on the weekends at Sarah Jane's house on Bellevue Road. Her parents were my second family. Sarah Jane, being an only child, considered me her sister. We did everything together. My friends' parents and mine would rather have us spend our free time under their watchful eyes then tramp around unsupervised. I can't remember exactly what we did, probably try on makeup and talk about boys.

What did you discover about yourself in high school? Did you learn a skill that you could take out in the world with you? Were you sad when it ended, or were you ready to leave it all behind?

Yes, I felt sad to see my high school years end. They were the best years of my life. The friends made in high school were binding relationships lasting a lifetime. College is different. People come together from across the country, come from different backgrounds. But high school is a shared experience, one to be savored. I learned several skills in high school that I've called into service time and again. "Study hard and if you don't get it on the first try, just keep trying. Join an organization, be part of a club and keep active. Satisfy your curiosity by traveling to far away places, aspire for greatness - not perfection."

Have you ever attended a high school reunion? What truths did you learn about your classmates, if you attended? What truths about your community that you might not have thought about before?

Yes, Ed and I attended all our reunions. In fact, Ed was chairman of the planning committee. Our 50th was the best and perhaps the last. We've lost so many classmates. What truths did I learn? I realized that the girls I envied in high school for their looks, their fashions, or their talents envied me for the same reasons. We are no longer in competition, just compassionate friends. My close friends from high school such as Richard and Helen Ross, were married the same year Ed and I were. We celebrate anniversaries together and participate in family gatherings. We watched our children grow up together, supported each other in times of sorrow. When our grandson Jack died, Helen and Richard were there to comfort us as were our other close friends, Barbara and John Listro, also high school classmates. Now we all have grandchildren and we celebrate their Bar and Bat Mitzvah's together as well as other simchas. Old friends are the best friends. How rich Ed and I are to have them.

How important were your high school years in your life? Do you ever dream about those years? If you could have one conversation now with yourself when you were a high school student, what would you say?

I didn't think my years in high school were important while I was experiencing them but I do now. Looking back, remembering, I realize what those three years have given me. My friends and I reminiscence often about our high school years. Ed and I will meet someone at the grocery store or at a restaurant and Ed will say to me, "Don't you remember him, he went to high school with us?" There is such a strong bond between classmates that years or distance cannot break. It's such a wonderful feeling.

College

If you went to college, where did you go? Why did you choose that school? How much was tuition? Was it difficult to afford? Did you receive financial assistance or a scholarship? A loan? Was your school large or small? What was it known for?

As my senior approached, thoughts turned to college. My father was against me continuing on for sending a girl off to college was just a waste of money according to his thinking. I'd only come back, get married, raise a family and all the tuition money would just be for naught. I was the first in my family to seek a college degree. My mother stood up for me. I would go to college to become a teacher, a profession a woman could always fall back on. I had applied to LaSalle, an all girls college in Newton, Massachusetts and was accepted. My parents said they could afford only one years tuition. So in 1956, I enrolled at Danbury State Teachers' College in Danbury, Connecticut, an hour and a half drive from New Haven. Close enough to drive to, but far enough away to test my independence. The campus being small would not overwhelm someone like me who had never lived away from home. I did feel overwhelmed. None of my friends were going there, I didn't know a soul. Being a state school, tuition costs were comparatively low, around $2,000 a year which included room and board. I did not receive a loan or scholarship. Women were housed in Fairfield Hall, the only dorm on campus. Male students resided in off campus housing. I disliked my freshman roommate. To this day, I can't remember her name. She had a boyfriend and was never around except for her classes. It was difficult to build any kind of relationship with her and to tell the truth, I didn't try very hard. It wasn't until my sophomore year that Claudia moved in. She was tall, blond, and amazingly friendly. Her parents sent her to Danbury for the same reasons my parents sent me. She came from Oakville, a neighboring community only two towns away from Danbury and knew nearly everyone on campus. After more than fifty years, we are still close. Claudia married fellow classmate Jon Anderson. They live in Brookfield, a 45 minute scenic drive away. My husband and I see them often.
Claudia and John are quite active in alumni affairs and have chaired several class reunions. Ed and I attend at their insistence for I never maintained any close relationships with members of my class besides Claudia and John.
Besides having a highly regarded teachers education department, WSCONN, as it is now known, had a major music department as well. Ed and I have attended several concerts and shows showcasing the talented student body.
The university now sprawls across Danbury with an east and west campus. In 1956, there were only 4 or 5 buildings and my graduating class of 55 students comprised both the education and music students.

What was your living situation? Did you live in a dorm or a room off campus? Who was your roommate? Did you get along? How did you decorate your place? Were you comfortable there?

The dorm rooms at Fairfield Hall came equipped with two twin beds and two desks which also served as dressers for our clothing. I brought a large camp trunk filled with sweaters, jackets and skirts that I kept at the foot of my bed. Claudia and I purchased a small area rug and a desk top refrigerator. The dining hall on the first floor served three meals a day, so our refrigerator held only snacks and cold drinks. The room was tight for two people, yet comfortable. I know I had a radio for I listened to music whenever I was in the room.

What was your major? Why did you pick it? Were you ever able to use anything you learned in college in real life? Did you change colleges or majors partway through? Why?

I majored in elementary education. When I was little, I liked to play teacher with my friends and sister acting the part of students, so when it was time to declare a major, I thought why not become a teacher. I entered Danbury State in 1956, graduating in 1960. The courses were based on the theory of education as opposed to what really happens in a classroom. That I learned during my student teaching assignments which gave me the skills and determination to be the best teacher I could be.

Did you join a sorority or fraternity? Was it important to you?

There weren't any sororities on campus. We did have Kappa Delta Pi, a national society in education of which I was not a member.

When you first got to college, were you thrilled to be away from home? If you were homesick, what did you do about it? Write letters? Cry? Confide in someone? Or try to hide your feelings? If you were thrilled to be at college, were you quick at making friends? Who was your first friend there? Did you remain close through the years?

Yes, I was thrilled to be grown up enough to leave home but close enough to return often on weekends which I did during my freshman year. I became close with the girls on my floor during the school term. We went our separate ways on weekends.

Were you on any sports teams? If not, did you follow them? Were any of your teams champions or near-champs?

We had a men's soccer team and men's basketball team. Our school was too small to support a football team. I attended most of the basketball games that were played at home. Claudia, a cheerleader, traveled on the bus to away games. If our basketball team won, a group of students, me among them, climbed into a car and drove over to Brewster, New York where the drinking age was 18. We'd have a few beers in celebration, then drove back to the dorm. During the week, women had to be in their dorm rooms by 10 p.m. I had to sign in and out after dinner even if I was only going over to the library. The dorm mother was quite strict about the dorm rules.

Was there any professor who made a special impression on you? Good or bad? What subject did he or she teach? Were you able to take more than one class from this person? Did he or she ever make a comment about your work that stuck in your memory?

I remember Chester E. Floyd, assistant professor of mathematics who taught me to understand calculus. He was a very kind and patient man. Then there was Stanley Bleifield, a young, married art instructor who was having a torrid love affair with a fellow classmate. Rumors about them proved to be true for he divorced his wife and married his mistress. Then there was Frederick W. Lowe, Jr. a very stuffy English professor. He made us read "Ulysses," by James Joyce which we hated. A small group of very brave women, I among them, phoned Professor Lowe repeatedly, disguising our voices, mocking Joyce's novel. We'd hang up and call back a few seconds later. Thank heavens phones were not equipped with called ID technology.

Why was it important for you to go to college? Was it an expected step in your community, or were you the first in your family to go for a degree? What motivated you most? Love of learning, or just getting through?

As I said before, I was the first in my family to go on to college. My mother graduated from Commercial High School in New Haven but my father's education stopped at 10th grade. My friends had plans to attend college so I wanted to go too. I had dreamed of a career in the art field but that frizzled quickly so I decided to become a teacher. New Haven had a teachers college now known as Southern Connecticut University but I didn't want to live at home. My first choice, LaSalle Junior College was too expensive which left only Danbury State Teachers College as a viable choice.

Were you able to get home for the holidays? What do you remember about going home once you began college?

Yes, as I've stated before, I came home almost every weekend during my freshman year. It was such a warm, comfortable feeling walking into the kitchen. My mother enjoyed hearing about my college stories. Anthony Cravinho lived in Stonyington, Connecticut. He had a car and offered to drive me home, then pick me up again for the return trip. I remember him as a very sweet, thoughtful person and a good driver. Once Claudia entered my life, I stayed on campus through many weekends, sort of a side-kick on her many jaunts around town. I can't think of any other person who became as involved in campus life as Claudia.

What define college life during the years you were there? Did you go to coffee houses? Did you attend poetry jams?

We had a gathering spot on campus known as the "Hut," a metal fabricated dome-shaped building where we danced to the juke box or just sat around and gabbed. The topic of conversation usually turned to religion. I found my classmates curious about Judaism, my beliefs and practices. Some were very unkind, accusing me of killing Christ. These conversations, although brief, proved very uncomfortable for me.

Did you remain friendly with anyone you met at college? Did you visit each other over the years? Did you keep in touch by letter before affordable long distance and e-mail?

I have remained close to Claudia and John. Ed and I meet them for dinner either at our home or theirs. Two summers ago, Claudia invited me to spend the weekend at her summer place in Rhode Island. I think Ed was disappointed not to be included but he was a sport about it and drove me up. Claudia was a bridesmaid at our wedding and if you compare that picture with how she looks today at age 71, you'd think time froze for her. She looks exactly the same. same figure, same hairdo and color.

Did you have a number of casual love interests or one special person throughout college? How did this experience change you?

Yes, I dated a cute guy named Donny. He had to drop out of school for a year because of some trouble he and several pals got into, one of whom went on to become Superintendent of Schools in Danbury. I didn't attend our last college reunion, but Donny did. Claudia told me he had put on a great deal of weight and was completely bald. I thought at the time he might be the one even though he wasn't Jewish. I'm glad I married Ed instead.

Did you graduate from college? What degree did you get? Did you attend graduation? Did you win any accolades at college? Phi Beta Kappa? Valedictorian? Magna cum laude?

I graduated from Danbury Teachers College in 1960 with a degree in Elementary Education with a major in math. My parents and Ed attended graduation services held on the soccer field. I did not win any academic awards. That was in May. In August of 1960, Ed and I were married.

Have you ever been to a college reunion? Was it fun, or sort of sad? Did you see anyone there whom you were surprised and happy to see? Anyone you did not care to see?

I attended two college reunions, my 20th and 25th. I hardly remembered anyone other than the women who were in the dorm. It isn't the same as high school were I bump into former classmates all the time.

Did you attend any kind of graduate school? Please share your graduate school experience.

On went for my Masters Degree in Education at Southern Connecticut State University. Ed watched the children two nights a week so I could attend classes. He taught a few accounting classes at the university and lent me his faculty parking sticker so I could park next to the building where my classes were held instead of taking a shuttle bus from a distant lot. After our move to Woodbridge, I changed careers and enrolled again at Southern in the Library Masters program.

Entertainment

What was your favorite radio or television show growing up?

My parents had a large radio that sat on the floor in the den. The casing was of rich mahogany wood, tall as a bookcase. Three large knobs that resembled buttons formed a straight line under the rather small mechanical part of the radio. One changed the station, one adjusted the volume and the third, turned the radio on and off. Mesh black cloth covered the speakers on the bottom portion of the case. I'd sit cross-legged on the floor with my ear pressed against the mesh listening to "The Lone Ranger", "The Shadow" and "Fibber McGee and Molly." These were my favorite programs. Cowboy radio broadcasts and cowboy movies were very popular right after the war. The wild west pulled customers in with their good guy, bad guy, shoot -em up mentality. The radio allowed me to go beyond the reality of my world into another place and time. No pictures needed, just my imagination fueled by the marvelous voices and sounds effects. I was crushed to discover that radio broadcasts took place in a sound studio where actors read from a script, mouths pressed against the microphone and a sound man banged shoes, clanked glasses and whatever else to create the sound effects. The only place you can get that experience today is through books, not books on a computer screen but the real thing held lovingly in your hands.
In 1947, my father bought our first black and white television set: a little screen in a very large wooden cabinet. I'd watch "The Howdy Doody Show" on Saturday mornings. I even had a Howdy Doody Doll. The "Texaco Star Theater with Milton Berle", was a favorite show the whole family enjoyed. I laughed at all of "Uncle Miltie's" antics and spoofs. My father enjoyed a good laugh, too. We'd never miss a show. Every Friday night, or was it Thursday, the family watched "Toast of the Town" with host Ed Sullivan. When I entered my teens, I watched the "I Love Lucy Show." I still watch many of the reruns. Ed and I stood in line outside the Ed Sullivan Theatre in New York waiting to get into the David Letterman show. It's broadcast late at night but taped at 5:30p.m. It seemed surreal to sit in the same theatre from where the Ed Sullivan show was televised so many years ago.

Did you ever go to see your favorite performers in concert when you were young? Who were they?

The manager of the Schubert Theater in New Haven happened to be an automobile customer of my father's so I saw many pre-Broadway musicals. In order for shows to make it to Broadway, they had to gain the approval of New Haven's sophisticated audience. I remember "South Pacific", "My Fair Lady" and Carrousel" I'm sure there were many more, just can't think of them now. I was 14 when I rode the bus downtown with friends to the Paramount Theater on College Street and saw Johnny Ray and Frank Sinatra perform in concert. What a thrill. I'll never forget Johnny Ray kneeling in the center of the stage crying as he sang "The Little White Cloud that Cried." We all cried and screamed as both teen idols took their turn on stage.
The Yale Bowl on Derby Avenue had evening concerts during the summer. Many stars from Hollywood appeared there, like Bob Hope and Bing Crosby. I walked to Whalley Avenue then rode the open trolley car to the Bowl. Vendors sold hot dogs and soda weaving their way through the bleachers. I think the ticket price was around two dollars, very expensive, but there is nothing quite like sitting under the stars on a warm summer evening listening to Bing Crosby croon. Once, when I was thirteen, a boy I met while visiting relatives in New York, came to Woodmont and took me to a concert at the Bowl. We missed the last bus to Milford. He called the New Haven Police from a pay phone and asked for help. They picked us up and drove us to the Milford Police station. A Milford squad car took us home to Woodmont. It never occurred to me to call my mother and tell her what had happened. She and my father were more frightened than angry and I never saw that boy again.

What radio stations do you listen to now? What talk radio shows do you like? Have you ever called a talk-radio host and had your voice go on the air?

I don't listen to talk radio. When I'm in my car running errands or going to work, I listen to CBS news. Other than CBS, I never have the radio turned on. I tuned into a talk-radio show once and decided it wasn't for me. I'll pop a CD into my car's player if I can't find anything to listen to on the radio.

What television programs do you watch now? What are the shows that you really enjoyed through the years?

Hands down, my all time favorite television show was "The Golden Girls." I watched it for years along with my mother who watched it at the nursing home. We connected with those three women and had a good laugh in the bargain. Just behind "The Golden Girls" was "All in the Family" with Carroll O'Connor and Jean Stapleton. This show broke ground for it's plot line, situations previously banned on television: racial and sexual prejudice. But it was done with great humor and realism. I was so disappointed when it went off the air. I'm not a fan of sit-coms on TV with one exception. I try to catch "30 Rock" if I can stay awake. I'm usually in bed by 8 p.m. I watch cable news every morning and evening. It gets my brain activated for the day. Besides, I think it's very important to know what is going on in the world, the issues that affect our lives as citizens of this wonderful country we live in. I wouldn't call these shows entertainment but opinionated knowledge.
I was never a soap opera junkie like a few of my friends. Besides, with 5 children to raise, who had time? The Lifetime channel produces interesting and provocative stories from a woman's perspective. I do tune in whenever I can.

Have your tastes in entertainment been fairly mainstream, or have you gone for more unusual music or cinema? Do you like jazz or foreign films? Do you go to poetry readings?

My tastes in entertainment developed at a very young age. My parents bought a subscription to the children's New Haven symphony program at Woolsey Hall when I was in elementary school. Twice monthly, on Saturday afternoons, I'd listen to classical music designed so young people could experience the symphony orchestra. I still remember "Peter and the Wolf." It was magical. I like jazz music and some popular pop artists, but not the rock and rap music heard today. I don't call that "music." I have been to the Metropolitan Opera in New York only once. I've tried to get Ed to go again, and although he enjoys the symphony, he doesn't appreciate opera or understand the libretto. Perhaps he'll surprise me for our 50th wedding anniversary.
Yes, I like jazz. Song stylists like Ella Fitzgerald and Etta James are just two favorites of mine. I've watched many foreign films without Ed. He says he doesn't like movies with subtitles, but has he tried? NO! I find that foreign film studios produce intense plots and absorbing character studies played by very accomplished and talented actors. Ed and I have a very close male friend, who in his 60's decided to study acting. It should come as no surprise that he also has a very fine singing voice. He has appeared in several independent films, performed on stage with local acting troupes and presently has a role in a play at Long Wharf Theater in New Haven. Now at 70+, he is a member of "actor's equity" and has retained the services of an agent.
I've not tried poetry readings. My poetic tastes lean toward 20th century American and British poets. Just for fun I'll read Sol Silverstein and Ogden Nash's silly verses.
I would say my tastes in all types of entertainment are very much mainstream. I can't stand bands like "The Grateful Dead," or any hard rock groups. I do not consider rap music..."music."

What kinds of artistic outlets have your undertaken in your life? Poetry writing? Photography? Painting? Piano playing? Ballet?

I've experienced many artistic outlets, mastered none. I studied classic ballet for many years growing up. I've taken piano lessons from Aunt Hilda, Uncle Nat's first wife, which according to my mother, was a huge mistake. She should have retained a certified piano teacher, for if she had, I might be able to play the piano with some degree of expertise. I attended Paier Art School as a teen. I thought I might turn my talent for painting into a professional career. My instructor thought otherwise. I've had a bent for writing - short stories, children's picture books and have a stack of rejection letters to prove it. I did write a book review column for our local newspaper, published weekly, when working at the Woodbridge Library. I enjoyed those days but deadlines proved too much to handle in my senior years.

If you could be anything having to do with the cultural arts or entertainment, what would you have done? Have you ever appeared in theater or in a civic organization's show?

I envisioned myself a star ballerina and had dreams of performing on stage in New York. After years of instruction, I knew my dream would not be realized. I wasn't as good as I thought. I like to dance and do so at weddings and social affairs. Ed enjoys dancing too. However, it's difficult today to find a venue where ballroom dancing is featured so I watch "Dancing with the Stars" on television instead. I appeared in supporting roles while in college as a member of the drama club. Ed and I love live shows, either dramas or musicals on Broadway and attend local theater productions in and around New Haven. Having Yale University in our backyard affords many opportunities to attend excellent theater. And having a close friend who is an actor is definitely an added plus.

What is your preference in music? Do you follow current music or do you prefer the old? Do you like music on in the house or silence? What are your most favorite songs? Make the list as long or as short as you would like!

I prefer the ballads and swing melodies from the 40's and 50's. I will listen to Etta James sing "At Last" over and over. I'm surprised that track on the CD hasn't worn out. "It's a Wonderful Life," by Louis Armstrong is another song I play often. Our daughter Gayle used the tune during the cocktail hour at her wedding to Jay. Frank Sinatra's "I see Your Face Before Me" sends chills up my spine. He sang it when he was in love with Ava Gardner. I could listen to anything Frank recorded. Barbara Streisand's voice is pure magic. I love her recording of "My Man." I don't care for Michael Bolton's grating voice but because he's a close friend of cousin Pam, I bought one of his CD's. I have every album by Andrea Bocelli. Ed and I saw him perform in concert in New York two years ago. I was very disappointed with the performance. He didn't sing any of the Italian songs I recognized. I listen to the familiar tunes from the 50's. I especially like "Earth Angel" by The Platters and "Sh-Boom" by The Chords. This list could go on and on for music is the soul of my life. I can't live without it.

When did you get your first television? Was it bought so your family could view a special show or event? What room did you put it in? How much did it cost? Was your family one of the first in your neighborhood to have a TV?

Ed and I bought our first black and white television set in 1960 when we set up housekeeping on Sheldon Terrace. It had a small 19 inch screen housed in a rather large wood cabinet. Our apartment consisted of three rooms so we placed it under the windows in the living room and hoped that the rabbit ears would not be visible from the street. We moved the set from apartment to apartment and only bought a new television when we moved into our home on Ray Road. We built a family room addition and placed the TV there. I can't remember the cost but it provided hours of viewing pleasure for our family. Ed's parents lived close-by. Everytime their old set went on the blink, my father-in-law placed a new one on top of the old. At one time, there were three sets stacked up like a ladder. I couldn't understand why they didn't toss the non-working ones.
The big thrill came when we purchased our first color television. Faces changed from creamy gray to tinted orange with red, green and blue as background colors. Aside from black, those where the only colors in the spectrum. Many families in the neighborhood had color sets long before we purchased ours. The children enjoyed watching their programs in color. We now have a flat screen TV in our family room, kitchen and bedroom.

Have you bought any new home entertainment gadgets lately? Do you own a VCR? A CD and / or DVD player? iPod? Tivo?

We had a VCR but traded up to a DVD player. Our children's wedding videos are in VCR format. I must have them converted so we can watch them on the DVD player. Jonathan wrote instructions for me on how to insert the CD and go from the TV to video and back to watching TV. I couldn't possibly own an iPod or Tivo. I don't even know what they are. Besides, Ed and I are just becoming comfortable operating the DVD player. The numerous remotes scares me to death. We have one remote for cable, one for the television and a third for the DVD player. We've had a CD player for a long time. I can load and play a CD with ease but it took years of practice. The grandchildren own iPods, our children use their blackberrys to call or send emails and the ink pen and writing tablet have become obsolete.

Are you a theatergoer? Do you go in your hometown or only when you visit a big city? What are your favorite plays?

Yes, I love theater. I'd go every week if it was affordable. Tickets to Broadway shows are $100 each. Less expensive seats are in the balcony which I cannot tolerate. I am afraid of heights. Ed and I attend shows at Yale Repertory, at Long Wharf Theater and on Broadway and off Broadway in New York. We recently saw "Jersey Boys." To date, it's my favorite. We just purchased tickets for the new production of "West Side Story" and will go in June. I prefer musicals but have enjoyed several dramas as well. Last summer we had tickets for "South Pacific" purchased months before my hip surgery. I gave the tickets to Carolyn as Lincoln Center Theater is across the street from her apartment. Although I've seen the show before, the reviews for this production were outstanding. I think it won 10 Tony Awards.
I remember the afternoon my mother and I attended the pre-Broadway run Of "Hair" at the Schubert Theater in New Haven. At the end of the second act, the entire company came on stage, a net dropped over them and though the theater lights dimmed, I could see the actors disrobing. I glanced over at my mother who you might call a prude to see her reaction to the unfolding drama onstage. Her mouth gaped open as the curtain slowly rose to reveal the entire cast naked in front of the audience. That wasn't too bad until they began to prance around. We didn't stay for the curtain call. My mother rose instantly and exited the theater. We had a lively discussion of the show's merits over a cup of coffee.

What movie affected you most in your life? Do you remember the way the movie looked mostly, or was it the story line? Who were the stars? Was there music in the movie that you remember? What movies have you wanted to see more than once? What was the last movie you saw? What was the first movie you saw?

When I was a child, Saturday was movie day. Every neighborhood in New Haven had a movie theater. One movie I shall never forget, "A Place in the Sun" with Montgomery Cliff, Elizabeth Taylor and Shelley Winters. Montgomery Cliff cast as George Eastman is a lonely drifter who meets Shelly Winters. They have an affair, she becomes pregnant and then by chance, he meets wealthy Elizabeth Taylor. Miss Winters was terrific in this film as she tries to hold onto Cliff. He takes her out on the lake in a rowboat and drowns her because he wants Elizabeth and her money. I was 13 when I saw this unrated movie. You can imagine the impact an out-of-wedlock pregnancy plus a premeditated murder had on me. Ed and I haven't been to the movies since tax season arrived. The last one was "Slumdog Millionaire" which we thought was exceptional for its plot line and child actors who actually lived in the slums of India.
The first movies I saw were called serials. They were cowboy movies with Gene Autrie and Dale Evans. These resembled chapters in a book. You had to return the following Saturday to find out what happened next in the story line. Cartoons came first, usually two, next came the newsreels of the war in Europe. Last, was the featured film.

Did you ever own any records of Broadway musicals? Which ones?

Yes. I bought the recording of "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber. I had seen the show in Boston with Jim and Diane. The music was so stirring that I convinced Jon and Nancy to use some of the melodies for their wedding ceremony. I also have the CD of "Mama Mia" which Ed and I saw during its preview in New York.

How many hours of TV do you watch a day? Do you watch more now that you used to? What show have you continued to enjoy through the years? Are any of your favorites in reruns now? Which TV shows do you wish they'd bring back? Which TV shows are really dumb, but you like anyway?

I don't waste my time on sit-coms. I'd love it if they brought back "The Golden Girls" but of course the original stars would not be in it. I don't watch a lot of TV and when I do, it's usually cable news. Some broadcasts that I'd consider are on too late, after 9 p.m., and I'm asleep by that time. I wanted to watch National Geographic's "Waking the Mammoth" but that channel isn't part of our cable package. The Discovery and History channels have excellent programs which I watch when I remember to turn the TV on.

Which comedian makes you laugh the hardest? Do you like them squeaky-clean or do you go in for the racier type? Did you ever buy comedy albums? Did you listen in a family group?

I remember Myron Cohen, a Jewish comedian that I first listened to on the radio and later on The Ed Sullivan TV Show. I've seen Jackie Mason's shows on Broadway. He makes me laugh with his Jewish accent and timely remarks about politics. Once, Ed and I went to a live comedy show which I didn't enjoy at all. The jokes were sexual in nature and made me very uncomfortable. I don't want to experience that again. I like to see Robin Williams but his jokes are very off-color. Not my brand of comedy.

Did your parents read to you? Did you read to your children? Are you a big reader? How important is reading to you? Do you have an author whom you follow? What are your favorite books? Make your list as long or as short as you'd like!

My mother read to me every night before bed. I think I've written about this already in my autobiography. Reading is very important to me. I teach reading intervention to first graders who are struggling with their decoding skills. I've read many of Chaim Potok's books and corresponded with him from England. I still have the letter he wrote. My favorite book is "Sister Carrie" by Theodore Drieser and lately I'm been rereading the classics, the books I was required to read in high school but didn't enjoy. Our 6th grade class just completed "Huk Everlasting", a wonderful fantasy novel for young adults. I really enjoyed reading it along with the students. I couldn't possibly list the books I've read for it was part of my job as a librarian to preview, mostly novels, that I ordered from the publisher.

Do you and your mate enjoy the same types of entertainment? Or does each of you have a different set of friends with whom you attend performances?

For the most part, Ed and I enjoy the same types of shows and concerts. As far as films are concerned, he likes thrillers while I prefer family and love stories.

Who are your favorite artists in your time or in the world? Have you sought out gallery-going in your life? What are some of the best galleries you've visited in the world?

To celebrate our 20th anniversary in 1981, Ed and I traveled to London, England. I wanted to visit the house my grandfather David lived in. The house was gone and in its place was a giant fleamarket area known as Petticoat Lane. From there we went to The National Gallery, a magnificent building housing England's greatest art. One painting had a deep emotional effect on me. It was Paul Delaroche's "The Execution of Lady Jane Grey" painted in 1833. Lady Jane Grey ruled as Queen of England for only 9 days in 1553 after the death of Edward VI. She was Protestant. Catholic Mary I succeeded her to the throne. In this painting, Lady Jane is kneeling, blindfolded in front of a chopping block dressed in a white silk gown. The executioner stands to the right of her, his hand resting on an axe. Two women lay on the ground behind her to her left, weeping. I stood transfixed gazing up at this painting. I could not pull myself away. The thought of the barbaric act of her beheading has left an indelible image on my brain. I shall never forget that painting.

Favorite poetry? What lines from poems stick in your mind?

I came across a poem by William Butler Yeats as I shelved the poetry section at the Woodbridge Library. It is titled "Easter Rising" written in 1916 in response to Ireland's revolt against British rule. One particular line has stayed with me all these years. It's a rather long poem so I'll quote just the last portion which contains the phrase "a terrible beauty is born."
"For England may keep faith
for all that is done and said
We know their dream; enough
To know they dreamed and are dead;
And what if excess of love
Bewildered them till they died?
I write it out in a verse-
MacDonagh and MacBride
And Connolly and Pearse
Now and in time to be,
Whenever green is worn,
Are changed, changed utterly:
A terrible beauty is born.

My interpretation is that in a war or great tragedy, where lives are lost, goodness and beauty result. I hope this hold true with the wars our country are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.

What are your most treasured "artifacts" or pieces of art that you have picked up along your path?

I have antiques that belonged to my grandmothers, mother and mother-in-law which I treasure and display. I hope my children will not sell them off but keep them in their homes after Ed and I are gone. My mother's silver candelabrum she received from Bubbe Heller as a shower gift and her diamond and ruby watch and the ivory covered prayer book given to my mother by her mother on her wedding day September 6,1936. My Bubbe Hevenstone's beautiful glassware and brass bowl, my mother-in-laws sterling silver flatware dated 1901 and other antiques throughout the house. I've told the children to hire an appraiser before they sell anything. I picked up a first edition book about the early history of New York City and the construction of Central Park written in 1853. I must have it rebound.

Careers

What was your first real job? Did you start out in an after-school job that had any relation to what you ended up doing?

My first job was a page at the New Haven Public Library. I worked every other Saturday and one evening during the week. The public bus stopped in front of the building so it was very convenient to get to work. My job wasn't very glamorous. I shelved books and kept them in numerical order. The library proved to be a haven for the homeless. They would stroll in, find a chair, pick up a book to read, often upside down and fall asleep. They were warm and comfortable for a few hours. Yale University had a program for men entering The Armed Forces. I met one such student at the library. He followed me around the stacks. I liked him but this early flirtation would go nowhere. He wasn't Jewish. I knew that yet I accepted his invitation for a date anyway. We continued dating until his studies ended. He introduced me to his family who came to Yale for his graduation. The next day, he went home to Ohio.
This first job was a prelude to my future career as a librarian. That came after Ed and I moved our family to Woodbridge.

Describe your career.

I had trained to become a teacher and taught 3rd grade at Welch School the year Ed and I married. That was in 1960. By the time school began in September, I became pregnant and taught until December vacation. In those days, as soon as a woman's pregnancy was evident, she had to resign. Big bellies weren't allowed. My mother-in-law offered to care for Jeffrey so I could return to work. Ed and I discussed this at length but I decided to retire permanently and be a stay-at-home mom.
Once we moved to Woodbridge and the children were well on their way to independence, I entered graduate studies at Southern Connecticut State University and enrolled in their Librarianship Master's program. It took 6 years of course study for I could only manage one or two courses each semester. Luck was with me. I was hired as a circulation clerk at our local library 30 hours a week. I also continued my schooling. I carried a heavy work load during those years: mother, wife, student and career woman.

Has anyone helped you up the ladder, even with the first job? Was it easy for you to ask for or accept this help?

I'm certain I obtained my first teaching position due to the influence of my cousin Edward Klebanoff, who was Probate Judge in New Haven. I didn't ask for his help. He knew I had applied in New Haven and must have put in a good word for me because I was hired. I was assigned as a 3rd grade teacher at Lloyd Street School then transferred to Welsh.

What got you the most upset at work?

I only became upset when one of my coworkers attempted to answer reference questions without the knowledge or education to do so. If I was unavailable, they were to write down the patron's name and phone number, I would call as soon as possible. It is the responsibility of a public library to provide its patrons with accurate information, quoting the sources from which that information was obtained. The media specialist at Peck Place School has a list of Internet sites the children can use when seeking information, for as she points out, not everything on the Internet is true and accurate.

Did you get along with your co-workers and bosses? Did you sense anger and frustration at your work place? Was there a feeling of teamwork?

Judy Clark, the director of the Woodbridge Library, was any workers dream boss. She cared deeply for the welfare of her employees and became a role model I wanted to emulate. She retired in 1988 the same year my mother went into a nursing home. The next director, Melissa Curry was a good delegator but didn't have the style and grace of Judy Clark. She stayed for 2 years then left for Virginia with her husband who obtained a professorship of Eastern Studies at a university there. The next director, Jan Day, is currently the director of the library. She and I clashed on so many issues that I finally decided to retire in 1993. My mother had died in 1989. I felt the loss of her so deeply, I didn't need or want the added stress.

Were you ever the boss? Would you have wanted to be? Did you ever run your own business? How did it start?

I filled in as Director of The Woodbridge Library while the board searched for one after Judy Clark left. I applied for the position but didn't get it. I went back to my job as Circulation Head and shortly after, promoted to Reference Librarian where I remained until my retirement.

What was a "power lunch" in your day? What kind of meal was it - three martinis or the blue-plate special?

Breakfast staff meetings were held from 9 to 10 once each month in the basement staff room before the library opened to the public. The staff members bought or baked muffins, quiches and fruit. Coffee was provided compliments of the town. Just before 10, I could hear the tapping on the front door, the signal that I'd better open the door for our customers.
I do not attend faculty meetings at school which are intended for full-time teachers and administrators. Support staff and part-time employees are not required to attend any before or after hour functions. The only exception is our staff breakfasts, held at 8 a.m. which are free and voluntary. I've only missed a few in ten years. It's the only time teachers and staff can get together and socialize.

Were you friendly with your coworkers? Is there one you particularly remember?

Yes, I was very friendly with my coworkers at the library. Even though I retired many years ago, we still stay in touch. At Peck Place School where I now work, everyone is friendly, from the Principal to the teaching staff and on down to the students. It's a wonderful place to be. I have two coworkers that I've become close with. We have lunch every now and then at a restaurant after school. They are around my age so we have a lot in common. I enjoy their company.

What lessons did you learn about your career and thoughts about work? Looking back at your career, what is it that it meant to you?

My careers provided a useful and productive life. I stayed home with the children until Carolyn entered junior high school. Only then did I begin to think seriously about returning to work. I saw a job posting for a circulation clerk at the local library in town and applied. The Director offered me the job which I accepted. I loved working with the public and decided to get a Masters Degree in Library Science. After several years in the circulation department, I was promoted to book selection and reference. After thirteen years, I made the decision to retire. I tired of working on Saturdays and two nights a week. I found retirement boring. The only things that filled my days were shopping and lunching with friends. This was not the life I envisioned for myself so I began to look for a part-time job. I answered an add for a Title I Tutor for the Orange Public Schools. It was part-time with plenty of vacation days and summers free and the pay was excellent. After getting my family's support and approval, I accepted the position. It felt wonderful to work again in a position I loved. I was making a difference in a child's education and in my own. I had a reason to get up every morning, my days where filled with gratification and purpose. I have been tutoring now for ten years. Is it time to retire for good? I'd like to get away from Connecticut's harsh winters, spend a few months in Florida. Ed still works and will not consider retirement so I'm left with few choices. Leave him alone and go to Florida myself or stay in Connecticut and continue to work. I don't know which way to turn. It reminds me of Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken." Which road will I take? I know whatever decision I make, there will be no turning back. I'm so afraid to be bored again, to wake up each morning and try to think of things to do. My career has brought a sense of accomplishment and pride. I'm afraid to let it go.

How did you feel on Mondays? How did you feel on Fridays? Were you dead tired at the end of the day? Mentally or physically? Or spiritually? Or did you often not want the day to end?

I'm tired when I get home for I'm on my feet most of the time at work, walking around the halls from classroom to classroom. I look forward to Fridays and school vacations but I can't wait for the school week to begin again. I have the type of job where I can take a few days off if I need to. I just have to get a substitute to fill in while I'm gone. This Friday, May 29th, is my last day for the school term. I don't return until the day after Columbus Day in October. There are several projects on my "get it done" list that I'll tackle over the summer. I will visit the children, spend time in New York, go to the beach with Gayle and the girls. In the meantime, I'll think about the future - work or retire, which will it be?

Did you look forward to retirement? Did they throw a party for you at work? Did they give you a gift? What was it? Is there anyone still there whom you miss?

The staff at the library held a dinner in my honor when I retired. It was a lovely evening. I had mixed emotions about leaving a career I loved but looking back, I made the right decision. A few women on the staff that I called friends, retired shortly after so there isn't anyone remaining that I miss.

What is your greatest accomplishment at work?

My greatest accomplishment at work is witnessing the academic growth of the students I tutor. They are very appreciative of my help and show it by thanking me for the great grades they now receive as opposed to the failing ones they used to get. It is the highest gratification anyone could ever get from a job, to have the children you have instructed say "thank you, Mrs. Lemkin."

Have the things you purchased been worth the work you have done to buy them?

I save my salary for special projects around the house. I don't have to ask Ed for the money. I've recarpeted the bedrooms, paid for shrubs and flower beds, purchased furniture for the family room and had several other rooms repainted. I enjoy the fruits of my labors, it gives me great pride.

Were you ever passed over for a position you thought you deserved? Why?

I didn't get the Directorship at the library which was okay. The person the board hired had far more experience and because this person did not live in town as I did, she brought new ideas and vitality into the library.

Did you have a good balance of home and work?

I felt so guilty working while the children had summers off from school that I cut my hours down to 20 to spend more time with them. I soon realized they preferred their friends over me. They were out doing their own activities and I was sitting at home. I eventually went back to my regular work schedule.

Gallup Organization Questions on Leadership

Let's identify some early role models of yours. How would you describe the parenting style of your mother (father)?

My mother, trained as a bookkeeper, worked full time during my formative years. Our maid, Mary, took care of the house and me until my sister came along when I was six. My father worked nights for the Armstrong Rubber Company so I rarely saw him during the day. He also owned a used car business where my mother worked as his secretary and bookkeeper. I adored my mother for she taught by example that a woman could be a mother and have a career as well. When my sister Linda was born, my mother stayed home until Linda entered kindergarten. She returned to work as a bookkeeper for a women's dress shop in New Haven. My mother taught me the value of work. She was a very ethical person, patient and truthful. She always found time in her busy schedule to help with my homework and she exposed my young mind to great literature.
My father loved to travel, by car of course. Every year, just before we moved to the beach for the summer, the family went to the Catskills for a week. I enjoyed this family time together very much. I saw a different side to my father. He had a great sense of humor, dressed well, and loved to eat. During those years, he gained a lot of weight. When I reached my teens, all I can remember of my father was his illness. He spent so much time in and out of the hospital. He suffered from a heart condition that eventually took his life at 62.
My father had a saying that he repeated to me many times. If you can't do something well, don't do it. He carried this motto over to social events, too. Every party he hosted had to be first class, no half-measures for him. I have tried to live up to his standards.

While growing up, who did you consider your role model in terms of your family? What impact did your role model have on your development?

My Bubbe Heller was my role model for she embodied everything I wanted to be. A mother, grandmother, wife and career woman. She was the glue that held the family together. And she was a great problem solver, she could fix any problem we had. Bubbe Heller bought our first home on Goffe Terrace, the one I lived in until I married Ed. She made it possible for my father to own a business, she bought our summer cottage and she took me shopping to the finest shops in New Haven. When the war ended, she rescued cousins Manya and Sol from a deportation camp in Europe and financed their first years in America. She had a way of smoothing out all the wrinkles in our lives. I loved my mother and looked up to her but looking back from a 70 year-old perspective, it was Bubbe Heller who had the greatest impact on my life.

While growing up, who did you consider your role model in terms of individuals outside your family? What impact did your role model have on your development?

I remember most, Alice Hogan, my English teacher in 10th grade. She was probably in her forties when I first met her. Her speech was crisp and concise. Miss Hogan could take a difficult book, like Shakespeare, break the prose apart into little pieces and feed it to her students to make them want more and more. She wore horn-rimmed glasses and often took them off, waving them in the air as she read a passage from memory. My love of great literature exploded in her class. Besides my mother, she was the only teacher who made reading such an exciting endeavor.
She guided me through each writing assignment of which there were many. She edited my essays pointing out ways I could strengthen a sentence by choosing another word or phrase. I consider her encouragement to write well, the hand that led me to my newspaper book reviews.
Miss Hogan dressed impeccably and always wore a smile. She never chastised a student in front of the class. If I hadn't taken her English class, I might not have chosen a library career.

Think back to your first job and describe the type of leader your first supervisor was to you. What did you like best about that person? Least?

Miss LaMonica, Director of The New Haven Public Library was my first boss. Pages in the library usually had little contact with the head of the library but not so with Miss LaMonica. She would descend the marble steps from her second floor office to speak to the pages and circulation staff. We could hear her high heels clacking against the cold marble. I believe her real intention was to discourage the homeless from settling into the soft reading chairs reserved for library patrons. They would scurry out at the sound of her footsteps. She showed respect to everyone, even to them. I learned how to help patrons from her example for they were our customers. A library cannot survive financially without high circulation numbers. There was nothing I didn't like about her. She reminded me of Judy Clark, my boss at the Woodbridge Library, classic style mixed with a friendly yet professional attitude.

Which famous leaders did you look up to while growing up? Describe why you looked up to them in terms of the characteristics, behavior, accomplishments, etc.

Harry S. Truman became our 33rd President upon the death of Franklin Roosevelt on April 12, 1945. He served only 82 days as Vice-President. He made some of the most crucial decisions in history, not unlike what President Obama is dealing with right now. I remember my parents discussing the atom bombs President Truman ordered dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Japan, a subject I would study in high school. Japan quickly surrendered. In June of that same year, the charter establishing the United Nations was signed. Truman boldly expanded Social Security and established the Fair Employment Practices Act which benefited Blacks and Jews. In 1948, Truman was elected President in his own right. I recall the newspaper my father laid on the kitchen table, its bold headlines read "Dewey Won." I was glad Dewey lost. I didn't like his mustache.
Two years later, Communist North Korea attacked South Korea. Truman limited America's role in the war against North Korea. Ed's brother Alan, although not sent to the front lines, served in the army.
These were dangerous times for Americans. I looked up to President Truman for all he accomplished to protect the American people just as a father shields his children from danger. I liked his daughter, Margaret, too. I saw her several times on television and wished I hadn't given up on the piano. She was a young, gifted pianist. Her mystery novels won wide acclaim and were very popular.

How would you describe your mother (or guardian) as your leader?

I've always wondered why my mother waited six years after I was born to have another child. I never had the nerve to ask. The youngest of four siblings, she looked out for them all. Family ties were very important to her. I never heard her say an unkind word about her brothers and sister or her many nieces, nephews and cousins. She was always ready to help with any family crisis. My mother feared driving on interstate highways. But when her brother Nate needed her, she drove alone to Brattleboro, Vermont on I-91 to be at his side. His second wife Leah had died and Nate suffered from cancer. She stayed with him for several weeks then decided to bring him back to Yale New Haven Hospital for treatment. He traveled by ambulance, she led the way in her car. I, too, am fearful of highway driving but if my mother could muster the courage, then so could I. The only way for me to visit Jeff, Jim and Gayle is to get on a highway.
My mother and I became more like friends than parent and child when I reached adulthood. We would meet for lunch or do some shopping together. I accompanied her to the hospital to visit my father when he had open heart surgery and so many times after that.
She was living at The Jewish Home for the Aged when Jeff and Amy were married. My mother, determined to make the wedding in Massachusetts, sent me to Macy's' in search of a dress for her. The store allowed me to bring several choices to the nursing home for try-ons then return the ones she didn't want. I don't think a store would accommodate a customer like that today.
I loved her and felt loved in return although I will admit I was jealous of her affection for my sister. Linda proved to be a difficult child to raise because she was so headstrong and much younger by six years. In retrospect, I was very much loved, I know that now. I wish I had felt that way then.

How would you describe your father (or guardian) as your leader?

I did not have a close relationship with my father. Either he was working nights or fiddling with his used car business during the day. Once I married Ed, our relationship became better for he liked my husband and adored his grandchildren. He came to the hospital every day to see Jeff and when winter's temperature dropped to single digits, he drove to Ray Road and brought the children to school. I didn't ask him to do it, he just did. The one outstanding feature of my father's personality was his sense of humor. He loved a good joke and laughed until he cried. He played pinochle with my cousins Marvin, Harold and Bud. He ate heartily. There wasn't a dish he didn't like. He was a stylish dresser when he and my mother went out to social affairs and he loved to go to the Russian baths on Sunday mornings. I think my father would have preferred a son. Instead he got two daughters.

Who has had the most profound impact on shaping your values and moral perspective prior to leaving home? What did he or she do to shape your values and moral perspective?

I would say both my parents. They were honest, fair-minded people who showed by example what they valued in life. They treated all people who crossed their path the same. There was no distinction between rich or poor, white or black. They lived by the law, never stepping outside for their own gain and they looked unfavorably at anyone who did. I've tried to live up to their example.

Where does your philosophy of life stem from in terms of the people who have had the greatest impact on it? What is your life philosophy?

My life's philosophy is quite simple; live a useful and rewarding life and be helpful to those in need. Love your family and friends and tell them that you do. My philosophy stems from a line I once read. I might be misquoting it but it goes like this: I wanted new shoes until I saw a man without feet. My parents raised me with the same philosophy.

As far as more recent role models and events, describe the characteristics of your first full-time supervisor. What did you learn from this person that shaped your views about work?

Judy Clark, my first boss at the library, cared for the welfare of her staff. I think being a woman, she knew the demands a career placed on us and how difficult it was to balance work and homelife. She would take over our positions if we had a doctor's appointment or had to pick a child up from school. Just before my mother was to have open heart surgery, she came to live with us for a few months. Judy allowed me to go home for lunch and filled in for me when I was scheduled to work nights. She adjusted my schedule to fit my family obligations.

Who has had the most profound impact on your development as an individual during your adult years? Describe how that person has impacted you and who they were in your life?

I would have to say my husband, Ed. I've never known a more honest, giving person outside of my parents. We were at a restaurant some years ago when a waitress dropped $20 on the floor. Another person would have picked it up and stuffed it in his pocket. But not my husband. He chased the waitress down and returned the money. If a clerk makes a mistake in a bill to our advantage, Ed will point out the error. If a friend is down on his luck, Ed will open his wallet, no questions asked. He has taught our children to be truthful, to live within the law and if they have a little extra money to spare, to give it to someone who has none.

Describe what constitutes the ideal person you want to work for.

The ideal person to have as a boss is one who compliments my work effort and encourages me to advance up the ladder of success. I've had that boss in Judy Clark, my former boss at the Woodbridge Library and Al DeCant, the Principal at Peck Place School. Perhaps that is why I am so content with my job.

Romance and Relationships

Do you remember your first kiss?

Yes, it was a wonderful first kiss. I had gone to a house party down by Lighthouse Point with a boy I had dated just once. I was a sophomore in high school, he a junior. To say I had a crush on him would be an understatement. There were around 20 of us down in the basement rec room. We were dancing to music from a record player. The lights dimmed. At that moment, he pulled me closer and kissed me. His lips were so soft, I didn't want him to stop. My entire body felt limp. He did stop, but before the evening ended, he kissed me again and again. I was in love!

What kind of dating did you do in high school? What is your favorite kind of date - even now?

Dating in high school consisted of house parties, pizza on Wooster Street, or miniature golf on the Boston Post Road. In those days, we'd double date. Outdoor movies were in vogue and there were many outdoor theaters to choose from. We'd park the car close to the large screen nearest the concession stand. Each parking spot had a microphone that hooked onto the inside of the car window. You'd raise or lower the volume with the turn of a knob. The concession stand sold popcorn, pizza slices and cold drinks. If I really liked my date, we might not watch the movie at all. Necking in the back seat of a car was as far as it went. My favorite kind of date? definitely, dancing. When Ed and I first dated, he took me to the Phoenix Restaurant in Branford for dinner and dancing. Another couple usually joined us. I remember the time Ed picked me up to go to the movies but he didn't have any money so he drove to his house on Truman Street and borrowed some from Alan, his older brother. I have no idea if he ever paid Alan back.

Were you always attracted to the same type of person? Did you like the strong, silent type, the bouncy blonde?

Yes, I believe I was attracted to the same kind of man. He had to be in good physical condition. An interest in sports was a plus. I admired men who had an inquiring mind, could engage in interesting conversation and have a sense of humor. He had to be intelligent, not book smart, but interested in world events and politics. Writing this, I realize that Ed fit all of my criteria.

Who was your first love? Did you think it was going to last? Who broke whose heart?

My only serious relationship took place during my junior year in high school. He was a senior. We met at a house party given by his friend. I left the house and walked outside to speak to a girlfriend. Music floated from the patio, the song, "Teach me Tonight". He must have followed me outside because when I turned around, he was beside me. There was instant chemistry between us. I crossed my fingers hoping he would stay. My girlfriend introduced us. Before it was time to leave, he asked me out. We went steady all that year. That's the term used when you had a serious boyfriend. I thought it would last forever but he broke my heart. Another girl, a fellow classmate, had her eyes on him and stole him from me. I was devastated. I remember flinging myself across my bed crying. My mother stroked my back as she tried to console me. Aunt Mary came upstairs and said, "There's plenty of fish in the sea." I didn't want another fish, I wanted him.

Do you believe you can be in love more than once?

There's many different degrees of love. My first love I suppose would be termed "puppy love." I thought at the time it was the real thing. Then at a more mature age, I fell in love with Ed. My mother would say, "I know you love him, I can tell just by the way you look at him." I don't think I could love another man that same way. We've spent 49 years together.

Did you know when you very first met your mate that this would be your life's partner? Did he/she know it?

I met Ed by chance during the summer of my junior year in college when I worked at Truman Street School doing craft projects with children from the neighborhood. I had a crush on him and we hadn't spoken a word to each other. The first time he came to our home to pick me up, my mother sized him up. She liked him immediately even though he sat down at her kitchen table and wrote all over the tablecloth. I guess he was nervous. I never asked him why he did that. My father liked the fact that Ed was a football player. A real mench, a man's man and extremely polite to my parents. Ed was always very respectful to my parents. In their eyes, he could do no wrong. Even when I'd complain to my mother about something Ed did, she'd defend him.
I knew, instantly, he would be my husband. All I had to do was convince Ed. He did not show his emotions openly. I would say "Do you love me?" And he would answer, "yes." After we went out on a date, I wouldn't hear from him. I had to initiate the call. As our conversation came to a close, he'd ask me out. At last, I found a strategy that worked.

Describe your wedding, your outfit, your spouse's, your Mom's, your Dad's, the bridal party, the church or hall, the reception, the food. If more than one wedding - tell all!

Ed and I were married at 9:30 p.m. on August 13, 1960 in the ballroom of the Taft Hotel in New Haven. Originally the ceremony was to begin at 8:30 but it had to be delayed until Ed's Uncle arrived from Sabbath services at his synagogue. Two hundred and fifty guests ambled through the hallways of the second floor of the hotel until, at last, the ceremony began. I wanted to seat our guests and begin the ceremony before Ed's Uncle arrived, but Ed was adamant. So we waited and waited. I wore a gown of white peau de soie trimmed with Alencon lace. It had a boat neckline, three-quarter length sleeves, a fitted bodice and a bouffant skirt ending in a chapel length train. My fingertip length veil was shirred to a crown of peau de soie and pearls. I carried my mother's prayer book which she carried on her wedding day. White orchids, stephanotis and sweet peas cascaded over it. My sister was maid of honor. She wore a sleeveless dress made of amethyst silk, while my two bridesmaids wore mauve pink. Ed's brother, Alan, served as best man. Ed had eight groomsmen, some were friends, others were fellow Villanova football teammates. Because our wedding took place in the summer, the men wore white tuxedo jackets, black trousers, black bowties and white silk yarmulkes atop their heads. My mother looked stunning in a deep pink silk dress and although she had put on some weight, the crimped waistline made her appear thinner. Ed's mother chose a stylish off-white dress with lace bodice and tulip skirt. Ed and I stood under a hupa festooned with white and pink gladiolas. Our wedding cake was made of 5 graduated square tiers each separated by white plastic swans. After an hour of cocktails, our guests were ushered into the ballroom for dinner. We ate when most people were sound asleep. I don't know how we served such a lavish dinner so late at night. A five piece band played music and my cousin Manya, a Russian immigrant, sang a few songs. She had a beautiful soprano voice. Zayde Heller made the blessing over the challah. Bubbe Heller had died three years before. How I wished she could have been there. Cousin Bud took pictures with his 8mm movie camera. I transferred them to VCR format and now I must transfer them again to DVD. A photographer snapped hundreds of black and white shots which I have in our wedding album.
After feasting on a three-course dinner followed by a buffet table of assorted desserts, Ed and I left the ballroom to change, I into a two-piece beige Italian silk suit and Ed, into a dark grey suit. When it was time to leave, I threw my bouquet from the balcony and Ed threw my garter. It was now 2 a.m. The woman who caught the flowers and the football player who caught my garter ended up getting married and they weren't even a couple before our wedding. The hotel provided a bridal suite free of charge. We could have stayed there after our wedding but chose instead to return to our three-room apartment on Sheldon Terrace. While I undressed, Ed counted our money gifts. My parents took all the gifts except for the money home to store for us.

Was there anything unusual in your wedding vows? Were your knees knocking? Who performed the ceremony?

Cantor Charles Sudock performed the ceremony. I was more impatient than nervous. We had waited a long time for the ceremony to finally begin. I'm sorry now that I didn't walk around Ed seven times as was the custom in Jewish weddings. I don't remember why I chose not to. There was nothing unusual about our wedding vows for they are prescribed in Jewish law and written in our marriage contract which we both signed prior to the ceremony. The contract is written in Hebrew so neither of us knew exactly what it said. Ed promised to care and provide for my sustenance and I promised to establish a Jewish household and to love him until death do us part. I think we both lived up to our vows.

What do/did you like best about your mate? (A physical attribute, his/her being, his/her laughter, his/her smile, his/her mind.) What term of endearment do/did you call your mate?

Ed was in great physical condition, muscular and trim. He had a strong sense of responsibility and integrity. He showed respect for my parents and his elders. He had a casualness about him, in his gait and his attire. Never a clothes horse, he dressed comfortably yet not always well. I wished he had taken a keener interest in what he wore. I've never been able to change that aspect of his personality although when he dresses up he looks quite handsome. He made friends easily and still has them today although a few have died. He is loyal to a fault, a promise made is a promise kept. I called him "honey", he called me "Rhoda," never "dear" or "darling."

What were the hardest times of your relationship? Was there ever a time that you thought it might really be over?

Ed received a draft deferment when he was in college. He notified the draft board that he had graduated and was getting married. We waited for the letter to arrive with our fingers crossed hoping for another deferment. Ed's classification was 1-A. He was at the top of the list, in great physical condition. Then I found out I was pregnant so again, Ed notified the draft board and this time, the deferment came. This was the hardest time in our young marriage. Another difficult time in our relationship was when the children were young. Ed worked many hours, well into the night even on weekends and I was left alone with five children and a dog. I felt cheated out of a real marriage without a husband around to share the load and our children without a real father. We talked about divorce. It had gotten so serious that he took the boys up to Davis Street playground and tried to explain the situation to them. When he returned he asked me to give him another chance. He promised to change. That summer he decided to take the boys to Cape Cod. At the last minute, I called my mother and asked if she could watch the girls so I could go with them. I was afraid something bad would happen to the boys. In retrospect, I should not have intervened. He needed to be alone with his children, even if it was only for a weekend.

What song do you consider the most romantic?

I like the romantic ballads of the 40's and 50's. I don't consider one more romantic than another and sorry to say, I haven't a favorite.

Did you date much before your chose a partner?

Yes, I dated throughout high school, went steady a few times. Looks first attracted me, how he treated me came next. Was he a gentleman? Was he polite? By the time I met Ed I had refined my list to more serious attributes. Was he smart? Did he dance well? Did he have a car? Did he like sports? Did he have a strong build? I dated a Yale junior for several months, even went to the Yale Junior Prom with him. His name was Miles Weintraub. I forget what his major was at Yale. Miles didn't own a car so we rode the public bus. Most of all I enjoyed our conversations about our families, politics and our future plans. High school boys were such babies compared to Miles. I know my parents were very disappointed when we broke up.

What was your last relationship like? Were you unhappy when it ended? What did you learn in that relationship?

I learned about loyalty and trust when my last relationship ended. I had trusted this boy with my heart and he broke it. All the while we were dating he had his eye on another and in the end, she prevailed. Yes, I was very unhappy when it ended. He never told me our relationship was over, at least not to my face. His new girlfriend very boldly stated that she was his girl now so I'd best look for someone else. I went off to college which was the best thing that could have happened to me. A new environment and new faces offered a fresh start. I began dating again, nothing serious but it bolstered my self-confidence and in the end, I was available when Ed walked into my life. The sun rose again.

Everybody has bad habits -- what drives you craziest about your mate?

I have never been able to figure out why Ed leaves lights on. He'll put on his closet light and forget to shut it off. He will take his jacket out of the hall closet then leave without shutting that light off, too. It just drives me crazy. Before we leave for the evening, I have to run around the house to make certain the closet lights are off. Some days I'll return from work and find the light on in the hall closet or his clothes closet or both. He'll open a drawer but not shut it all the way. These two things irritate me about Ed.
Two years ago, we visited his brother Alan who lives with his second wife, Gail, in North Carolina. Alan would open the refrigerator, take what he wanted, then walk away without closing it. I mentioned this to Gail. "It just drives me crazy," she said, "He never shuts anything."

If you had to do it all over again, what qualities would you choose in a mate now?

I'd choose the same qualities but I'd be wary of any man who was a workaholic like Ed.

Did you ever have an unrequited love?

Yes, but I was unaware just how unrequited it was. It took a long time until I could trust what a man said was really true.

What anniversary gift do you remembering giving? What anniversary gift do you remember getting?

Ed would usually present me with jewelry for our anniversaries. The best gift I received was a trip to Israel for our 25th. We booked a tour with TWA Airlines for 12 days. When our flight landed in Tel Aviv, I felt like we were entering the pages of the Old Testament.

Did you have an engagement ring? What does/did your wedding ring look like? Would you trade it for a bigger, shinier one? Do you wear both rings? Are they inscribed inside?

Ed and I took the Metro-North train into New York City then walked a few blocks to the diamond district. My cousin Marvin had given us the name of a jeweler where Ed looked at the engagement rings while I waited in another room. He exited carrying a small box. The stone was quite small, less than a carat. I'm sure it was all he could afford for he was still in school. I knew that this ring would forever bind us together, its size didn't matter. Our wedding rings are wide gold bands with our initials inscribed, "RH to EL" and "EL to RH." I've never taken my rings off. Ed no longer wears his wedding ring. He keeps it on his key chain. He says it's uncomfortable when he writes numbers and works on his client's financial statements. I do wish he'd wear it./ He's too pragmatic and I'm too romantic.

What did your mate say when asking you to marry? What was the answer? Where were you?

I don't remember Ed asking me to marry him. We talked about it together. We were in his car parked in front of my house. I think I raised the topic. He wanted to work a year but I couldn't wait so we compromised on August of 1960. We both graduated in May. That would give him a few months to work before our wedding date and that September, I would be employed as a teacher. I thought it was a great plan.

How was it when you first met your spouse's parents? Did you get along with your in-laws? What did your own parents say about your mate?

Ed wanted me to meet his parents who had recently moved from a three-family house on Truman Street to a single-family home in Westville on Lakeview Terrace. Their brick two-story home stood on a manicured corner lot with a privet hedge separating the sidewalk from the lawn. Ed led me to the side door and into the kitchen. His mother turned from the stove at the sound of the screen door. She looked surprised to see us. "Didn't you tell your mother I was coming?" No, he hadn't. My future mother-in-law had prepared the usual Sunday dinner of hot dogs and beans. I could tell by the look on her face how embarrassed she was to present this picnic dinner to her future daughter-in-law. She quickly cleared the kitchen table and moved the plates into the dining room. Yes, I liked my in-laws very much. Ed's dad was quiet, just like Ed but when he spoke, the corners of his mouth tweaked in a smile. We ate our meal and tried to answer all their questions about our wedding plans. They were enormously generous people, hardworking and thankful that Ed had chosen a nice Jewish girl to be his bride. My parents adored Ed and when they discovered that he planned on becoming an accountant, they liked him even more. My mother, being a bookkeeper, understood the importance of numbers to a family's budget. Throughout the years, my in-laws became a second set of parents and I took the place of their daughter, Harriet who died. What my parents thought of Ed's parents I never knew for not a bad word was ever uttered.

Where did you go on your honeymoon? Did you ever take a second honeymoon?

We went to Mount Airy Lodge in the Pocono Mountains where we booked a room in the main lodge above the dining room. There were individual cabins with heart shaped bathtubs and canopy beds but they cost more than we could afford. I didn't care about the accommodations. I slept next to my husband, my arm draped over his chest. That was enough for me.

Talk about your first place together...was it a place you loved or were you making due?

We rented a second floor apartment on Sheldon Terrace in New Haven for $70 a month plus utilities. It only had three rooms - living room, small kitchen and bedroom. My Uncle, Joseph Heller, owned the complex and gave us a new refrigerator and carpeting. Ed painted the living room and bedroom walls a soft off-white color. My father-in-law gave us a sofa and chair with matching ottoman. I remember the shag carpets were gold so I chose green for the upholstery. Those were popular color combinations in the 60's. We bought shades for the windows and a kitchen table and four chairs. I never liked our bedroom furniture. The bed had a bookcase headboard, matching night table and one dresser which we shared. I didn't love the apartment, it was rather small. I did like our neighbors, newlyweds just like us.

Looking back now, did you get married at the right time or should you have waited longer or done it earlier?

In retrospect, I think Ed and I should have worked at least one year before we tied the knot. Having some money in our coffers would have made our first years together so much easier. But there was a problem with that scenario. Unmarried couples did not live together. A long engagement was too dangerous to contemplate. We made the right decision.

In your years of being together what have you learned about your mate that you didn't know when you met?

I didn't realize how much time Ed would spend away from home, working. I know he has deadlines to meet, tax returns to file by a date certain, clients that require his services. I wanted to be on his schedule, too along with our children. You can never relive the years gone by. You cannot wish them back into the womb to restart their lives over again. Sometimes life offers second chances but not in this instance. What's gone is gone!

Parenthood

As a woman, do you remember telling your mate that you were pregnant? As a man, what did you think when she told you she was pregnant? Was it a surprise, or a long-planned for event? Do you remember telling your parents?

I had missed a menstrual cycle soon after Ed and I returned from our honeymoon. This occurred in the middle of September, 1960. We talked about the possibility that I might be pregnant and the implications it would have on my job as a new teacher. We had been living on my salary and banking Ed's. I made an appointment with a gynecologist, Dr. Krosnick. He confirmed our suspicions but cautioned to wait another month to be certain. October came and went and still no menstruation. I told Ed. He was as overjoyed at the news as I was. No, my pregnancy wasn't planned but was very welcomed. I had always dreamed of having a child. That weekend we told my parents. My mother counted out the months on her fingers. To her relief, my pregnancy was legal. We then went over to Ed parents' house and told them. My mother-in-law was concerned that I'd have to give up teaching so she offered to care for our baby so I could continue to work. I decided to take a leave of absence from teaching. Today, I would have taken her up on the offer. She also suggested that if the baby were a boy, we should name him Raphael after Raphael Lemkin, a famous cousin who had just died. No way was our child going to be called Raphael. We choose Jeffrey David after Ed's grandfather and mine.

Question for the women: What did your maternity clothes look like? Did you share with your friends? Did you suffer from morning sickness or have other problems?

Now that I think back, maternity clothes were rather stylish. A-line dresses, some with a bow in the back, skirts with expanding elastic tummy inserts and blouses that flared out rather widely at the base. We didn't wear maternity slacks or jeans. I didn't share maternity clothes with my friends for we were all pregnant at the same time. I suffered with morning sickness only with Jeff, our first born, and it didn't last for very long. Grocery shopping was far worse than morning sickness. I could not tolerate the sight or smell of chicken which in our home, was a staple. Every time I passed the poultry aisle of Grand Union, I'd feel sick to my stomach. It took a long while for this nausea to pass.
I did have problems with the births of Jim and Jonathan but not Jeff's. His was easy. I was given an epidermal needle to dull the labor pains and birthing. Fourteen months later I gave birth to Jim. My labor was so rapid that the umbilical cord broke, cutting off his oxygen supply. The doctors rushed me into the delivery room and when I looked down, there were two doctors practically laying across my stomach pushing down with all their weight. This was definitely not normal. I later found out that Jim had only a few minutes of air left. The doctor yanked him out with forceps. The first time I saw Jim, he had a pointed head and deep indentations on either side of his forehead. Thankfully, they disappeared by the time I left the hospital. With Jonathan, my third pregnancy, I began spotting blood in my sixth month. Dr. Krosnick warned me that he might have to abort if the bleeding didn't stop. I was put to bed for the next two months. That was very difficult with two other children to care for especially when Jeffrey, only two years old, became so ill. He suffered from a bowel blockage called intercerception when the intestine telescopes into itself. Ed and I brought him down to the hospital where he underwent emergency surgery at seven that evening. We almost lost our beloved son. My parents and in-laws cared for the other children while Jeffrey was hospitalized. I went every day. Then, just two days after his initial operation, I found Dr. Krosnick and an intern bent over Jeff as he lay in bed. Intuitively, I knew something awful had happened. His intestine telescoped once more. Jeff was in grave danger. I phoned home and told my mother that I had to stay. Ed was out-of-town on business. His boss tracked him down. When Ed walked into Jeff's room, his graven face spoke volumes. Jeff was rushed into surgery again. The doctors told us to go home, they would call us that night. Jeff survived, I doubted if I would.
Ed hired a nurse who came to our home every day for two months after Jonathan was born. He was a colic infant and cried constantly. In November of 1965 our first daughter, Gayle, was born. My father-in-law was so excited that he made a chair for our bedroom so I could sit and feed her. He owned an upholstery business called Pride Upholstery on Dixwell Avenue in New Haven. I still have that chair although its been recovered many times. Ed's parents had lost a daughter, Harriet, when she was five from a brain tumor. I wanted to name our first daughter after her, but my mother-in-law said no. It was against the Jewish tradition to name a child after someone who had died so young. In 1967, I became pregnant again with our second daughter, Carolyn. Ed and I made the painful decision to have my tubes tied immediately after delivery. Because my labor had been so rapid with the other children, the doctor suggested that I be induced so we knew Carolyn's birthdate before she was born, January 15, 1968. As the nurses were prepping me for the injection, I fooled them all and went into labor.

What are the names and birthdates of your children? What are the names and birthdates of your grandchildren and their parents? Name some of their idiosyncrasies.

The children's birthdates are as follows:
Jeffrey David Lemkin May 15, 1961
James Marc Lemkin July 8, 1962
Jonathan Stuart Lemkin April 19, 1964
Gayle Ruth Lemkin November 22, 1965
Carolyn Inez Lemkin January 15, 1968.

The grandchildren's birth and death dates:
Maxwell Adam Lemkin July 15, 1994
Emily Mikela Lemkin April 7, 1995
Brianna Simcha Lemkin July 21, 1996
Molly Jordan Lemkin May 6, 1997
Shainna Ganet Lemkin August 5, 1997
Edina Sophie Lemkin October 24, 1997
Jack Andrew Lemkin June 26, 1999 died August 7, 1999
Abigail Elizabeth Alpert March 16, 2002
Sophie Emma Alpert March 25, 2004.

Why did you name your children what you named them?

Jeffrey was named after Ed's grandfather and his middle name, David, after mine. James was named after my grandfather, Jacob, and his middle name, Marc, after Ed's grandfather. Jonathan, too, was named for Ed's paternal grandfather and his middle name, Stuart, after a cousin of mine that I loved very much. Gayle was named after my paternal grandmother and her middle name Ruth, after Ed's. We named Carolyn after my grandmother Heller's sister who I was very close to. Carolyn's middle name Inez, was chosen in memory of my grandmother, Ida.

Which hospital did you deliver in? Do you remember the ride there?

I remember the ride to the hospital to deliver, Jeffrey, our first born. My water broke just as Ed was leaving for work. We waited until my contractions were a few minutes apart then Ed helped me down the two flights of stairs to the car. The gas tank was below a quarter of a tank which was modus operandi for Ed. He ran every red light while I sank to the floor in pain. We did make it but at that point I didn't care if Ed had enough gas to drive home, I was so annoyed. Yale New Haven Hospital, where I delivered all five children was a twenty minute drive from Sheldon Terrace without any traffic. I don't remember getting to the hospital to deliver Jim or who drove me there. I'm sure Ed took me. We had moved to a flat on Ellsworth Avenue not far from Edgewood Park where I often went with Jeffrey. My sister took me to the hospital when I gave birth to Jonathan because Ed was out of town on business. He arrived that evening to greet his new son. By the time I was pregnant with Gayle, we had moved to Ray Road. My mother-in-law babysat with the three boys the day I had my doctor's appointment. I had a slight backache that morning. When I arrived home, I told my mother-in-law that they were admitting me. I had dilated six centimeters. Ed rushed home and took me to the hospital. This time, there was plenty of gas in the car. It was November 22, 1965. I had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner at the hospital. No cooking, no dishes to wash, just a perfect holiday meal and a beautiful baby girl. We were prepared for Carolyn's birth for it was pre-scheduled for January 15th. My suitcase was packed and early that morning, Ed and I drove off. I was so worried that we'd have a snowstorm to impede our trip but as I remember, the day was cold but clear. In the 60's when our children were born, it was the practice for the birth mother to stay hospitalized for at least a week. After giving birth to Carolyn, my tubes were tied to prevent any more pregnancies so my stay extended to two weeks. My parents and Ed's parents shared caring for the children each time I gave birth.

How much weight did you gain each time? Was it difficult getting back in shape?

I don't remember my weight gain with Jeff. It was probably more than it should have been because I craved butterscotch sundaes almost every day. I gained very little weight carrying James. I think around 12 pounds. Was it difficult getting back in shapes? Of course, it was. I remember exercising with a fitness guru on television when the children were napping. I tried to regain my original weight but was unsuccessful. I never wore a size 5 dress again.

Were you afraid to become a parent? Why, or why not?

No, I was not afraid, absolutely not! I spent several afternoons at my cousin Leah's house, practicing child care on her baby Layne. I'd feed her, bathe her, diaper her (real cloth diapers), play with her, then put her back into the crib and left for home. I felt very much prepared except our first born turned out to be a boy.

Whom did you call first to say "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"? Can you remember what you said or thought when the doctor or nurse first handed you your baby? Can you remember what your mate said?

I think we probably called my parents first and then Ed's. This was when our first son was born. As for the other children, it was probably the same. I remember that Dr. Krosnick placed Jeff on my stomach. He was wrapped in a small blue blanket. He smelled delightful, warm and cozy. Ed was waiting in the labor room when they wheeled me back. He unwrapped the blanket and checked out all of Jeff's exposed parts, his fingers and toes and everything else. Perfect! The baby was just perfect. He bent over and whispered in my ear, "I love you." We didn't have ultra sound then, so the sex of our children was a surprise. When Jim was born, I didn't see him for awhile due to the difficulty of his birth. The umbilical cord had severed during delivery cutting off his oxygen supply. It was several hours later when the nurse finally brought him into my room. His forehead had deep indentations on either side from the forceps and his head was slightly pointed. The doctor assured me the marks would fade quickly and his head would smooth out. Jim was a beautiful baby with golden hair and blue eyes. Jonathan was born on the way into the operating room. The nurse kept telling me not to push. I couldn't control the pressure of birthing, Jonathan intended to be born right there and nothing I did would stop the process. He was a beautiful baby with a mound of dark hair, nearly black. We phoned Ed's parents first when Gayle was born. They had wanted us to have a girl to replace the daughter they had lost. And then, Carolyn, came along, our beautiful second daughter. My mother-in-law was at the hospital when Carolyn was born, my mother was at our home taking care of the other children. The next morning I was taken back into the operating room to have my tubes tied. There would be no future pregnancies. Each child was a miracle from God, each one unique and precious. I believe Ed felt an overwhelming obligation to provide the best life for his family. Just recently he confided that he had promised my mother, on our wedding day, that he would care for me and any children we might be blessed to have. He has fulfilled that solemn promise.

Did you send birth announcements when your babies were born? Did you have help in the house? A nurse or nanny? Did you have a separate nursery all fixed up? How was it papered and painted? What did the crib look like?

I'm certain we sent birth announcements, although I can't remember doing that. Yes, we had a nurse come to our apartment to care for the infants for the first two weeks after I returned from the hospital. I was given the name of a nurse who cared for a friend's child. Everyone I spoke to knew her and recommended her highly. Nurses didn't come cheap and we had little money to spare but with Jeff so ill and Jim a toddler plus Jonathan so colic, it was absolutely critical to have her. The boys were circumcised eight days after they were born according to Jewish law so help with their minor surgery proved necessary. We did not have the luxury of a separate nursery as there were more children then available bedrooms. My parents bought us our first crib which we used for Jeff. We also had a bassinet given to us by my cousin Leah which she had used for her children. We kept both in constant use until Jonathan broke the crib by rocking it back and forth against the wall. The crib, made of dark walnut with spindle sides, one of which lowered to gain access to the infant, had blue teddy bears painted on its front and rear panels. The bassinet, covered with white lace material that fell to the floor, moved easily on wheels. We also had a portable crib made of strong, vinyl material that we'd pack in the back of the station wagon whenever we traveled from home.
I don't believe there were nursery mobiles hanging over the crib, at least I can't remember having them. The children did have rattles though, lots of them unless the dog got to them first and chewed them up.

What were some of the greatest joys of being a new parent? What were some of the greatest difficulties?

I had seen children with down syndrome and some born with physical disabilities. Knowing that our children were heathly was the greatest joy. We never knew the sex of our children beforehand. Ultrasound had not been available. We didn't care as long as they were normal. There were difficulties of course, raising five children, keeping them out of harms way, away from drugs and crime. Now that they are adults, I can interact with them on a whole different level. I so enjoy being in their company. And the grandchildren are so beloved, words cannot express the joy they bring into our lives.
I am so proud of our children's accomplishments, in their chosen field of work and in their homelife. Although Jonathan, our third son, is unemployed at the moment and his wife does not work. The best time now is when we gather together to celebrate Chanukha. Jeffrey, being the eldest, has taken on the role of caretaker for Carolyn, who lives in New York and is single. She seeks his advice. He smooths out the winkles in her life. All the children are a joy beyond measure and I know, that if Ed were to leave me, I would not have to face life alone.

What was the transition like when you went from being someone's child to someone's parent?

I had the support of my parents and Ed's, so the transition from child to parent seemed seamless. I never stopped being someone's child just as our adult children are still our children no matter their age or whether they have children of their own. We worry about them and help them however we can. If you have children, parenting never stops.

What pet name did you use for your children when they were babies? Did you keep using them, even when the children grew older?

No, we didn't have pet names for our children. However, Ed had one well into adulthood, "Eddie boy."

Did any of your kids have an imaginary friend growing up? Were they afraid of the boogeyman or the monster under the bed? What was your children's favorite bedtime story or poem?

Gayle had nightmares as a small child. She'd climb into bed with us and her monsters would go away. Carolyn loved a particular story titled "Nightmare in my Closet." We'd borrow it time and again from the Westville Library. Once, she threw a fit when she found out someone else had checked it out. I finally broke down and bought that book. I'd sit next to her on the sofa in the living room with the book opened on her lap. By the time she was 4, she had memorized every word, page by page although she couldn't yet read.

Could you share some free-flowing memories of those eighteen years? Just let it flow, perhaps starting this section with I remember ...

I remember the boys would go up to the Yale golf course behind our house on Ray Road and come home with their pockets bulging with golf balls. They were so proud of their great find until I told them that the golfers were at this very moment, searching for their golf balls and what an awful mess they caused. Jeffrey's entrepreneurship began at an early age. He and Jeffrey Brownstein, a friend who lived on Curtis Drive, ran a landscaping business. I'd pack the station wagon with their supplies- lawnmower and hedge clippers, rakes and brooms and drive them to their jobs then pick them up when they were finished. Jeff has owned a successful bakery in Framingham, Massachusetts, a hot dog stand at a beach community in Hull, Massachusetts where he lives, and a handyman business. He is now looking to buy a pizza restaurant besides everything else he does. Jim, the sportsman of the family, displayed athletic ability on the little league baseball field, on the basketball court and entered Hofstra University on a baseball scholarship. None of the boys took to football, which I'm sure disappointed Ed, although he never said anything. Jonathan would take things apart, but was never able to put them back again. He would dismantle our watches and once built a desk from the extra hardwood floor planks we'd stored in the basement in the event the floor had to be repaired. He's very talented with his hands. He once built a deck for our friends, Helen and Richard Ross. Gayle, the student of the family, had an interest in fashion design. She went to Bridgeport University, graduating with a degree in that field but never pursued it. I must say she dresses very well. Carolyn had a talent in gymnastics and can still do cartwheels. We enrolled her in a fine program at the Jewish Community Center in New Haven where the gymnastic coach was highly regarded. Carolyn competed in many meets across the state of Connecticut. When the gymnastic coach left, we made the mistake of not enrolling her in another program. I regret that decision now, but at the time we didn't have the finances to pay for the cost of lessons and competition fees. The girls are petite, like me, and the boys imitate their father's height at around 5'10" give or take an inch.
We sent the children to nursery school, except Gayle, who refused to get on the bus. They enjoyed summers at the beach in Woodmont or at the Bethany Pool Club which we joined when we moved into the Ray Road house. At age 13, the boys had their Bar Mitzvahs and Carolyn, her Bat Mitzvah. Gayle didn't want one. All but Jonathan graduated from college. He dropped out after two years. I think his epilepsy had a lot to do with his decision although we didn't know of his illness at that time. We financed three weddings, Jonathan's, Carolyn's and Gayle's. Carolyn divorced her husband after four years of marriage, yet they remain friends. If our children needed help financially, we gave it. How did we do all this? It boggles my mind.

How did you decide which school to send your children to? Public, private or parochial school? Why?

There were several options to choose from in educating our children. Hopkins Grammar School, a private institution for grades 1 - 12 a few block away, a Jewish School called Ezra Academy in Woodbridge, or Davis Street School, the local public school. Ed being an accountant, crunched all the numbers. The decision was clear. We'd send the children to public school. I sincerely believe that any child can get an excellent education in public school if his ambition and parents demand it. We moved to Woodbridge because of the deteriorating schools in New Haven. Forced busing to integrate white and black children was being considered by the Board of Education. We did not want our children traveling across town to attend school in an unfamiliar neighborhood. As I look back, it was a wise decision to sell our home and moved to Woodbridge where the schools were highly rated and offered the children extra curricula activities they couldn't get in New Haven.

Did you use any parenting books when you were raising your children? What was your greatest concern or worry when you were a parent? What were your greatest hopes for your children? What was the scariest moment in parenting? The toughest? What was the moment that made you most proud?

I bought a paperback copy of a parenting book written by Dr. Spock, the parents bible at the time. All of my girlfriends had a copy. I also owned a book on childhood diseases. I consulted it when I needed to known if a rash was the chickenpox or something insignificant. My greatest concerns were when Jeffrey had rheumatoid arthritis and when Jonathan was struck by a car and dragged for several feet underneath it. In Jeffrey's case, Dr. Goldstein, an associate of Dr. Krosnicks, wanted us to move to Arizona. The climate there would help Jeffrey recover. He placed before us on a table special eating utensils and braces that Jeffrey might need if his condition worsened. The thought of uprooting our entire family and moving so far away from our parents and friends was our most frightening moment. Both my parents had a history of heart disease. The doctor told us that Jeffrey's future was definitely uncertain and he too, might suffer from heart troubles. We decided to roll the dice and stay put. When Jonathan was hit by that car, I thought we would lose him. He was placed in intensive care for over a month. The woman who struck him came by the hospital with a large stuffed dog in her arms but I refused to allow her into his room. She gave me the stuffed dog and left. I was just so angry at her, I couldn't think straight. I realize now how she must have suffered from knowing she nearly killed a child.
There was never one moment that made me proud of our children. Everyday of their growing years offered snippets of pride. The time Jim hit a home run, the time Jeff won a writing award for a piece published while in high school for Black History Month, the time Jonathan built a deck for our friends, the first time Gayle drove home from college alone, the time Carolyn won a ribbon for her parallel bar performance, all were moments of great pride. And there were so many more moments like these.

Did you send your kids to camp? Where? Far away or close to home? Did you sew name tags on their clothes? Was it difficult to have them gone, or a relief?

We sent Jeffrey to the YMCA summer day camp one year on our doctor's advice to strengthen his leg muscles. Jonathan went to Camp Laurelwood in Madison for a month one summer. I can't remember the year. Yes, I sewed name tags on their clothes. Jonathan came home with more clothes than he brought. He probably lost some of his, as well. It was a relief to send Jonathan off to camp, I hate to admit. It gave the family a brief respite from his troublemaking. Carolyn wanted to go to gymnastic camp in Moodus, Connecticut for a two week session one summer. She lasted two days. She said she hated it and begged to come home. So we drove to Moodus and brought her back. That episode ended any future attempts to send the children to camp during summer vacations. We took out a family membership at the Bethany Pool Club on Amity Road in Bethany and spent many wonderful summers there.

Did you buy your children a set of encyclopedias? What were some of your at-home sources of learning? Did you emphasize reading or learning time at home?

Yes, we had a set of encyclopedias at home. Ed won the set from Villanova University. It was awarded to him for high academics and athletics. Each volume has his name engraved on the cover. We still have them. We also had dictionaries and National Geographic magazines. As a librarian and teacher, I encouraged the children to use the informational resources at the public library. We didn't have computers, they weren't invented yet. Reading was paramount in our home. I enjoyed a good book then as now. The children had books of their own to read and I read to them as often as I could. There is no substitute for books, even with all the new technology, best readers read BOOKS!

What did you do to punish your children? Was this hard for you to do? How did your children feel about your choice of discipline?

This is a very painful question for me to answer. We spanked our children when they misbehaved and yes, it was hard on me. I resisted hitting them only as a last resort. We'd take away privileges but I, being a softie, would usually recant. I'm sure the children did not like to be punished. Ed doled out the discipline which was not a good thing. He suffered from a hot temper that often blew out of control. Age has mellowed him considerably. He very rarely looses his temper now. Today parents use "time out time." Because I work in an elementary school, I come in daily contact with rude children who are discourteous and ill-mannered. They will interrupt me when I'm consulting with their teacher or bang their pencils on their desks during instruction. This just drives me crazy. On occasion, I will sent gifts or cards with money in them to the grandchildren. Emily and Molly will call to say thank you. Abby and Sophie do as well. Shainna will call, Max, not so often. Brianna and Edina never do. I have to phone and ask "Did you get the gift we sent?" Isn't it just common manners to say "thank You" when you receive a gift? I've learned not to make a fuss about it, though.

Which child needed the most discipline? If you could do it all over again, what would you have done differently to discipline your child?

Jonathan required the most discipline. The method we used never worked. I would have sought intervention much earlier than I did. He was in his late teens when I took him to the hospital of Mental Health at Yale. I needed answers, he needed help. Everytime he mentions something that his son Max did, I'd say "what goes around, comes around." Jonathan has experienced tragedy with the loss of his newborn son, Jack, he's jumped from job to job, none secure or lasting. I've tried to suggest ways he could make his life better and more financially productive, but as far as I can see, he has not accepted my advice. Ed and I will never turn our back on him or his family. Whatever we can do to help, we will do.

What did your children call you? Basic "Mommy" and "Daddy" or something more unusual?

The children called us Mom and Dad. I recall the warmth that surged through my body when the children called me Mom. It is the most endearing word. I never tire of hearing it.

Did your kids play in the back yards in the neighborhood or did you take them to a park? What did your kids love to do for fun? What did you love to do with your kids?

I loved to travel with the children. Whether it was a day at the beach, or a weekend at the Catskills, or a flight down to the Bahamas, they were the best traveling companions. We'd travel during their February vacations, just them and me. Ed had his C.P.A. practice and could not join us during his tax season. The children looked forward to this vacation ritual as did I. Of course packing for myself and five children, plus doing all the laundry when we returned, was definitely not my favorite part of the trip. But seeing their sun-tanned faces and jubilant smiles made it all worthwhile. I just recently threw away the jar of sand Jim brought home from one of our island trips.
During the winter months we'd pick a weekend and drive to Brattleboro, Vermont and ski then pay a visit to Uncle Nate and Aunt Leah who loved to see the children. Or we would drive down to Edgewood Park and iceskate at the outdoor rink. On one such trip I fell while skating and broke my arm. I gathered the children and drove home. I don't know how I did this but I did. Ed took me to the emergency room where they set my arm in a cast. The children must have understood for I don't remember them being upset. No more iceskating that winter!

What TV shows do you remember your children watching? Did you watch TV with them?

I don't remember the names of the children's shows they watched except they were broadcast on Saturday mornings. While the TV had their attention, I would catch up on the laundry and other chores around the house.

Who was your children's pediatrician? Did you ever have to take them to the E.R.? Why? Are there any childhood diseases or surgeries important to note for any of your children?

Their pediatricians were Drs. Goldstein and Krosnick. We took Jeff to the emergency room when he fell out of the tree house and broke his collar bone. Carolyn went to the emergency room when I pulled her shoulder out of joint by attempting to lift her from the car. Gayle caught her gloved hand in the car door. We took her to the emergency room where X-rays showed her fingers weren't broken. Jonathan went to the emergency room when he fell on his metal fire truck and slashed his leg. Several stitches were required to close the wound. If he looks carefully, he'll probably find the scar. Jonathan spent several weeks in intensive care after his car accident. Jeffrey, too, spent time in intensive care after his surgeries. He was later diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Jonathan developed epileptic seizures as an adult, a result of his car accident. They are controlled with medication and he leads a very normal and productive life. I can't remember if we ever had Jim in the emergency room, but odds are, we did.

Whom did you hire to baby-sit? What was the going rate of pay for a babysitter?

Our parents watched the children for a time. Then when our brood swelled to five, we hired babysitters through a bonded agency which we used if we were going on vacation. Some of the women were wonderful, others awful. I'd never leave the children with anyone I didn't know personally if I were raising them today. I guess we paid between 75 cents to $1.50 an hour for babysitters. The children were wonderful about staying with a stranger, they didn't cry or whine when we left. They probably felt security in numbers, a five-to-one ratio. My parents and Ed's parents would drop by to check on them. I'd call home every day that we were away. It was grand to get away, it was heaven to come home.

Where the teenage years hard for you and your children? What were the biggest issues or "growing pains" your kids dealt with?

I'm sure there were difficulties when the children were teenagers but time fades memories so I can't recall the issues we dealt with.

What were some of the best vacations you took with your kids? Why were they so good? Any funny moments to share?

The children and I vacationed in Disney World, in the Bahamas and at a resort in the Catskill Mountains. They were the best traveling companions. Carolyn took her doll, Hahan Hahan, along when we went to Paradise Island. She asked the waiter to hold the doll while she went to the buffet for breakfast. She smeared suntan lotion on the doll and placed her on a chaise lounge by the pool. By the time we left to return home, Hahan Hahan had a bad sunburn. She also lost all her hair. We found Jonathan in the elevator charging people for a ride to their floor when the elevator was self-service. We had such good times together on those vacations.

How did you cope with taking them to college? What were the first months like when your children no longer lived with you?

The house had a hollow, empty sound. Their bedrooms were clean until they returned for vacation. I remember a shopping trip with one of the girls. A mother was standing next to her daughter shifting through sweaters on the rack. The mother turned to her daughter and said, "How do you know what sweaters you have when they are piled on the floor?" Every time our children came home from college, they appeared more mature, more worldly. They were getting older. Soon they would leave and not come back. I dreaded that day. The most difficult time I had was preparing meals for two people instead of seven. I washed laundry once a week instead of every day. I quickly adjusted to a quiet house with time for myself.

What was the best part of being a parent? What was the worst part of being a parent?

The best part of being a parent is the love you get in return. I see my children, no longer as babies, but mature, successful adults. Life doesn't end with your death for your children carry your seed and their children after them. It's life reinventing itself that takes my breath away. If there is a worst part of being a parent, I don't know what that is. Sure, there were difficult, hair-pulling times. Times they were out late, wondering what they were up to, were they safe. They are all on their own now, living a life they created for themselves. Their spouses have become our children as well. My granddaughter Shainna just phoned. "Bubbe," she said and my heart melted away.

Is there anything you would like to say to your children that you never did? Is there anything you would you like them to know? Advice to share?

The only thing I would tell my children is that I love them very much, but I've told them that repeatedly through the years. At the close of our telephone conversations I will say "love You." There's a hesitation on the other end as if they don't know how to respond or feel embarrassed hearing those words. Don't be, my children. Love is the greatest unifier in the world. I'm certain I wasn't the best mother that ever lived. I've made mistakes, I'm far from perfect. But I love all five of you. Each of you have enriched my life and I speak for Dad, too. He may not openly display his love, he may not know the words to convey his feelings, but his love for you is undeniable.

The House You Raised Your Family In

Was the house you raised your family in big enough for all of you? Did your kids share a room?

After living in rental apartments, we finally purchased a four bedroom house at 148 Ray Road in the Westville section of New Haven. I would have preferred a six bedroom house. If Ed and I were millionaires we would have bought one. Yes, it was big enough for all of us but it needed a lot of love. The previous owners had gone to Florida for the winter and neglected to drain the water pipes. As a result, the pipes burst damaging the hardwood floors and several walls had gaping holes where the pipes were repaired. Warped floors, gaping holes in the walls and that putrid smell of decaying wood - we loved it. The neighborhood, comprised of similar one-family homes, was quite pleasant and Davis Street School had a fine reputation. The education of our children was a prime consideration in the selection of where we would take root. We brought both sets of parents over to see it before we made our final decision. My mother saw great potential if we put some elbow grease into its restoration. My in-laws loved it since it was close to them which turned out to be a bonus.
We had three children when we moved and I was pregnant with Gayle. Jeffrey and Jim shared one corner bedroom, Jonathan had the smallest bedroom to himself, and the third room we reserved for the new baby, not anticipating she would be joined by her sister in two years. Ed and I took the largest room across from the only full bathroom. Our bedroom seemed very spacious, but in retrospect, it was small by today's standards for master bedrooms. Two windows faced Ray Road while a third looked down upon the west side of the house and a lovely dogwood tree. As the children grew and a dog joined our family, we enlarged the house, expanding the kitchen and adding a large family room and deck.

Did you ever move? Was that particularly hard on anyone?

We moved several times. When we were first married, we lived in a three room apartment on Sheldon Terrace in New Haven. We paid $70 a month which was a great deal of money as Ed was only making $50 a week. We banked his salary and lived off mine which was larger. We had no children at the time although I soon became pregnant with Jeffrey. We set up his crib against a wall in our bedroom. When I became pregnant with Jim, we had to look for a larger apartment.
We found a five room apartment on Elm Street, also in New Haven. My back ached from bending and packing, lifting and shoving. The apartment on the second floor had a very nice yard for the boys to play and many of our friends lived in the neighborhood. It only had two bedrooms and one of them was ours. The strangest thing about the apartment was the lack of electrical outlets in the living and dining rooms. A year and a half later, I became pregnant with Jonathan so we decided to move again. I was happy to leave for I didn't like our landlord who was constantly chastising us for leaving the stroller and toys in the rear hallway. Where did she expect us to store them?
This time, we found a lovely second floor flat on Ellsworth Avenue in New Haven within walking distance to Edgewood Park. The apartment also had two bedrooms so we turned the dining room into our bedroom and put the two boys in one room and Jonathan, our third son, in the other. We bought a red flyer wagon so I could pull the boys to the park which was quite often. They would play in the sandbox and on the swings while I socialized with the other young mothers, many of whom became good friends. I remember we were in the park on November 22, 1963 when we got the news that President Kennedy had been shot. I scooped up the boys and rushed home to watch TV Everyone was in shock and crying. Jack Kennedy was our beloved President and now he was dead.
Barbara and John Listro, friends from high school, lived directly across from the park on Edgewood Avenue. I would often take the children there to visit with Barbara while the boys and Barbara's children played together.
Each move was very difficult and physically draining. One day, after I had gone to the grocery store then came home to hang the laundry out to dry, I noticed that the diamond in my engagement ring was missing. I must have lost it either in the store or it had fallen out the window as I was hanging the clothes on the line. We collected the insurance money and Ed asked me if I wanted a new ring or a house. Of course, I said "Please buy me a house."
The insurance money went toward our down payment on the Ray Road house. We shoved our furniture and belongings in the garage and moved into Ed's parents' house on Lawncrest Road for the summer. There were problems getting a clear title. Besides, we had to repair all the damage to the house before we moved in. Sally and Joe Lemkin, Ed's parents, rented a cottage in Woodmont, a shoreline village in Milford, so we could stay in their home with the boys. I didn't ever want to move again. Ray Road would be our home forever and ever. We lived in that house for 13 years and then we moved once more. This time, we bought a two and a half acre lot in Woodbridge, a small, rural community just outside New Haven's city limits that had an excellent school system. The lot was the last on a dead end street called Fraser Drive. We bought it directly from Jack Fraser, the son of the owner who had to approve our building plans before Ann Fraser signed over the deed. We put The Ray Road house up for sale and began building our dream house. The high school in New Haven had severe problems with security and academic achievement. Jeff was a junior and Jim a sophomore at the time of our move. The children didn't want to move out to the boonies as they called Woodbridge where cows and farms and horses dotted the landscape. We promised to bring them to see their friends often, a promise we intended to keep. Jeff had his drivers license and Jim would get his soon. We bought the boys a yellow Pinto automobile they shared. It gave them the mobility to return to our old neighborhood and be with their friends. The car did need work, which the boys tended to almost immediately, cleaning and polishing until it looked showroom new. Jeff was especially adept in oil changes and mechanical repairs, although the car did have a few structural problems like holes in the floorboard that he could not repair.
The Ray Road house sold before our new home was ready. Ed and I split up, each of us taking some of the children with us. He stayed in a motel with the three boys and Gayle, Carolyn and I went to live with my mother in her three room apartment on Mix Avenue in Hamden. This was the most difficult move of all because we had to bring the children to different schools each morning. Our clothes and belongings were scattered among family and friends. Gayle entered the Bethany Junior High School not knowing a soul. It was an unsettling transition for her. Carolyn went into 5th grade at Beecher Road School. There she met Michele Gervasi who took Carolyn under her wing. They have been close friends ever since. Jeffrey, just entering his senior year at Lee High School in New Haven, remained there so he could graduate with his class. I drove Gayle, Carolyn, Jonathan and Jim to the schoolbus stop at the corner of Fraser Drive and North Racebrook Road each morning and picked them up at that point each afternoon so they could have an opportunity to know the children in our soon-to-be new neighborhood. It benefited me as well for I met Myrna Kroeger who recently moved into their new home and had four children, some of whom were the same age as ours. Finally, in late September of 1978, we settled in to our brand new home.

What was your address? What was your phone number? What color was the house? Was your house a one-story or two-story, stone, wood or brick? Did you have a garage? What was the floor plan? Can you envision each room and certain things that went on there? What was the view out your front window?

The house at 148 Ray Road was a two story wood colonial on a tree-lined street. It had a one car garage, the rear portion of which we used to expand the kitchen. The house had a high foundation which I didn't like and a very unattractive cement retraining wall between the garage and front lawn. Ed and I planted tall shrubs to camouflage the large expanse of grey cement. There was a small strip of land to the left of the garage dominated by a rather large swamp maple tree whose branches shaded the ground below so no grass would grow. I begged to have the tree cut down but Ed refused so as hard as I tried to make the side yard attractive, it always looked unkept. On the west side of the house, a beautiful dogwood bloomed white petals atop its branches each spring. I adored that tree. Five steps led to the front door. Upon opening, one was led into a small foyer with a coat closet. The living room had a brick fireplace and three windows that fronted Ray Road. From the living room, one entered the dining room and off of that, a small den. A staircase against the side wall in the living room led to the second floor bedrooms of which there were four. As you climbed the stairs, the only full bathroom, faced the landing. A short hallway led to three 10' by 12' bedrooms and in off the center of the hallway, a larger bedroom, the master. The kitchen was very small with hardly any counter space until we remodeled and expanded it, adding a large family room and rear deck. The backyard was the most attractive feature for it had a running brook that cut through its width and no other homes were visible just woods beyond. The woods beyond our rear border were owned by Yale University which the real estate agent assured us would be kept as open space. We needn't have any fear of future development. I enjoyed seeing the first light of day come upon the woods as I sipped my morning coffee. There were too many trees for good grass to grow. Every spring, I would sow annual grass that did thicken the backyard at least until a cold frost killed it. Against the side of the house near the dogwood tree, a row of overgrown shrubs grew, a few snowball shrubs and a witch hazel. I lost no time in pruning away their tangled branches to make a clear passage around to the front.
After my father died at age 62, my mother sold the Goffe Terrace house and moved to a small apartment in Hamden. We took the baby grand piano for our living room and tucked it into a corner beside the staircase. Our daughter Gayle was the only child to take lessons on it, which I'm afraid to say, didn't last very long. The best room in the house was our new family room and deck which faced the rear yard. It was such a peaceful place to relax and watch the seasons unfold. Ed was handy in those early days of our marriage. He refinished the basement as a playroom for the children and, with the boys help, built a treehouse out back. Jeffrey fell out of the treehouse one day and broke his arm. He and his brother Jim were very rambunctious boys as was Jonathan who imitated Evil Canevil by jumping his bike over several trash cans that he lined up on the front sidewalk. I remember being in the kitchen one morning when our son Jim walked through the back door. How did he do that? The boys had been upstairs in their bedroom playing superman. Jeff told Jim to jump out the window and he did. A hedge of shrubs broke his fall and saved his life but nearly caused me to have a heart attack. Nothing appeared broken and he wasn't crying. Nevertheless, I gathered the children up and off we went to the doctors, just to be certain. Yes, I remember our phone number. It was 387-3584. I believe the house color was a light tan or cream with black shutters and door. Coming from a small apartment, the house on Ray Road was like a castle although it lacked ample storage space, so when we built the deck we insisted the space underneath not be wasted but enclosed with a door.
We spent many wonderful years in that house. The only negative was Ray Road itself. There weren't any corner stops signs to slow traffic which had grown heavier as the years went by. Jonathan was struck by a car one morning as he and Gayle attempted to cross Ray Road to get to Lakeview Terrace which led to the school. Jonathan was 8 years old.

Was your neighborhood that of single family homes, apartments or rural? Were you friendly with your neighbors? Did you ever have a quirky neighbor? Explain.

The neighborhood, known as Westville, several miles north of New Haven's downtown business district, was serviced by Whalley Avenue and Fountain Streets. The homes were a mixture of colonials and ranches with a few contemporary styles thrown in the mix. It was a wonderful neighborhood to raise a family. We were very friendly with the majority of our neighbors on Ray Road and several surrounding streets like Lakeview Terrace, Judwin Avenue, Curtis Drive and Kohary Drive. The house on our left was owned by an Italian couple who had no children. The husband grew a variety of vegetables in his yard which he shared with us and gave me tips on gardening which I enjoyed very much. He also had a boysenberry tree from which he made the most delicious jam. I didn't have a clue about gardening, his manicured lawn and his glorious blooming shrubs gave me the incentive to learn. A privet hedge defined the side border between our homes. Over time, the children and Princess, our dog, carved a hole through the branches from going back and forth into their yard so many times. On our right lived a couple with two young sons. The husband was a political science professor at Yale and a staunch Democrat. One summer afternoon, Paul Newman and his wife were in their backyard enjoying a barbecue. I went out on our deck hoping to get an invitation but none came so I had to settle for peering through the tree branches to get a close-up view. We'd see that couple walk arm and arm in the early evenings and then like a bolt of lightning, they were getting a divorce. Their house sold to Arthur and Betty Levy. He was an oncologist and his wife later became an attorney. They had two sons around Carolyn's age. They were the best neighbors. We still see them on occasion at our synagogue. Everyone watched each others children. I once received a phone call from a woman who lived up the hill on Lakeview Terrace. "Your son, Jonathan, is up near Fountain Street on his bike." Fountain Street is the main thoroughfare serviced by buses to downtown New Haven, a heavily traveled two-lane road. I thanked her and sent Jeffrey to find Jonathan and bring him safely home. The boys made friends easily with the other boys in the neighborhood. Jeffrey has kept these friendships even though some have moved to distant places like Florida and Chicago. The homes were close together, only 25 or 30 feet apart so seeing your neighbors every day was inevitable. Westville was a predominately Jewish neighborhood, close to two synagogues, and ringed with many Jewish delis. My sister-in-law lived a few streets away on Judwin Avenue. The children would walk over to play with their cousins or they would come to our home. Thinking back, we made the right decision when we purchased the house on Ray Road for it proved to be the perfect home for us at this time in our lives.

Was everyone in and out of each others' homes? How did you pick the neighborhood? Was this your or your spouse's childhood community?

The children always had friends over to the house on Ray Road. When we initially moved in, many of the home-owners were seniors. As they sold their homes, the neighborhood began to change. Young couples with children moved in which delighted us. Ed's brother and his wife and family bought a house just two blocks away on Judwin Avenue. The cousins became close friends and we were in and out of each others homes quite often. We selected this area of New Haven because of its close proximity to a Jewish Conservative Synagogue, Beth-El Keser Israel, where the children would get their religious education. Ed's parents lived on the other side of Fountain Street on Glenview Terrace, a five minute drive away, so he was more familiar with the neighborhood than I was. Ed and I formed close friendships with many young couples who were also members of our synagogue and who lived in our neighborhood. We have moved away from each other geographically yet still remain friends to this day. It was a good neighborhood for bonding lifetime relationships. When Jeff and Jim were around 16 and 17, they'd spend a week in the summer on Fire Island, New York with their neighborhood pals. This rite of passage lasted for many summers.
We enlisted the the aid of a real estate agent as we began our search for a home. At first, we concentrated on homes in Hamden, a community to the north. Either the houses we looked at lacked four bedrooms or were too expensive. Then by chance, Ed heard of a house on Ray Road in Westville that might be up for sale. We took a drive by the house and liked what we saw from the outside. Once inside, we had our doubts. The house was a mess, but it had the four bedrooms we required, a large rear yard for the children to play in, and the homes on the street were well kept up. Besides, the price was right and with a lot of hard work, we could renovate it to its original glory. We made the right decision. We spent 13 glorious years there.

Did anyone, except you, do chores for the upkeep of the household? Did you insist everyone make their own beds everyday?

We had hired help twice a month to keep the house clean with 5 children and a dog running through it. We insisted that the children pick up their own messes, put things back where they found them, share their toys with each other and take care of the dog which they promised to do if we bought one. It didn't always work out that way, so naturally, I had to do most of the picking up and putting away. I reached the point where I just closed the children's bedroom doors. The girls did keep their room tidy, but sharing was a big problem for them. Instead of constantly scolding them, I bought Gayle a lock box to keep her personal belongings safe so that Carolyn would not take them. The closets were not large enough for all their belongings. It proved a constant challenge to find space to store their ever growing collections of stuff. The formal rooms, the living and dining rooms, were for the most part company clean. On weekends, we insisted that the children make their beds or they couldn't go off to play. Sometimes this plan worked, oftentimes it didn't. The children were so busy with other important interests like little league baseball, gymnastics, Hebrew school, bowling and homework they could not afford the extra time to complete their chores. It would have been nice of them to make their beds every day but that chore was not practical. They had to get up early, bathe, have breakfast then get off to school. Who had time to make beds?
I tried to organize the laundry by stacking the clean clothes on their beds for them to sort and put away. And I made a rule that if their dirty laundry wasn't in the basket, it would not be washed. The floor of the boys bedrooms were usually covered with clothes, some never found their way to the laundry basket. Jim was much more careful with his clothes than Jeff or Jonathan although it was hard to tell what belonged to whom, they were so close in age and wore the same size.

Did anyone, other than family members, live with you? Where did you all go to relax?

No other family members lived with us in the Ray Road house. My mother did stay with us for a short while in Woodbridge after her open heart surgery. As to where we'd go to relax, it was to the beach in the summer and Vermont in the winter. We joined a pool club up in Bethany during the summer for we couldn't afford to send five children to summer camp. During the children's February school vacations, I traveled alone with them to many different vacation spots. Ed couldn't leave his accounting practice during tax season to join us. I drove the car to a Catskill Mountain resort one year, road the Amtrack train down to Disney World in Orlando, Florida another year and even flew to Paradise Island in the Bahamas. On that trip, my mother joined us to help with the children. She wanted to try her luck at the gambling casino at the resort. Children under the age of 18 were not allowed in. I stayed outside with them while my mother went inside to drop a few quarters into the slot machines. She returned shortly, a loser. Carolyn, our youngest, had a doll she named "Hana-hana" who traveled everywhere with her even on the plane ride to the Bahamas.
Our best summer vacations were at the pool club in Bethany. Jeff worked as a life guard there one summer. We'd pack lunch and snacks or eat at the restaurant next door called "Teddy's." The children played ping pong, basketball or just swam in the pool. We formed many friendships together. It was a wonderful experience for all of us. The pool club is no longer there, but the restaurant remains.
Ed would relax, sprawled on the sofa in the family room, watching his football games on TV. He also had a fetish for growing tomatoes which he planted each summer on a small patch of sun-filled land in the backyard. This is how he liked to relax, away from his office, his hands in the dirt. The harvest was small however, for once planted he hardly ever weeded or fertilized.

Where did the homework take place? Did you help any child with big projects?

The children worked on their homework at the kitchen table in the Ray Road house. Being a teacher and later, a librarian, I helped the children with most of their projects giving them suggestions on how to make their projects winners. Never did Ed or I do their homework for them but we did look at their papers when they had completed them to insure they were done correctly. The Woodbridge Library where I worked, was across Newton Road from the high school. Often the children would come by to pick up research information that I photocopied for them or to just sit at a table and do their homework before we'd all drive home together.

What were the rules of the house?

The children had to tell us where they were going and with whom. I wish we had cell phones then, it would have been so much easier to track their whereabouts. I don't remember if we set curfews for them, I'm sure we must have. Ed was pretty strict on having the children home at a certain hour and I expected them to be home by dinner time. They were not allowed out in the evenings during school days, only on weekends or vacations. They were supposed to care for the dog, that was the deal we made when we agreed to get one. But guess who ended up doing the feeding, walking and grooming? ME.

Did you ever have a break-in? Did you ever have a fire?

No, we never had a break-in but we nearly had a fire. It was a close call. Jonathan and his cousin Peter went into the woods behind our house and lit some dry brush. I don't know what their intentions were but the fire spread quickly to within feet of our neighbors house and ours. The fire department came and put it out. I believe Peter and Jonathan were attempting a campout in the woods, found some matches and decided to light a campfire. The firemen scolded the boys for what could have happened had they not put the fire out in time. I was so embarrassed, so apologetic to our neighbors, all I wanted to do was run and hide.

Did you ever undertake a big remodeling job? If you had a basement, what was it used for? If you had an attic, what was it used for?

Yes, we added a familyroom, a rear deck and enlarged the kitchen. It took many months to complete. We stayed in the house during the construction. We were without the use of the kitchen for about two weeks and had to eat our meals out, either at our parents homes or at restaurants. I remember dining at The Red Lobster on Derby Avenue because kids ate free. The children could order anything off the menu but their choice was always the same - hot dogs or hamburgers and french fries. I selected a vegetable pattern for the wallpaper in the kitchen. Ed, ever the handyman then, decided to put up the wallpaper himself rather than hire a professional wallpaper hanger. Three-quarters of the way through this project, I noticed that the vegetables were standing on their heads. He had hung the paper upside down. There wasn't anything we could do at that point but live with upside down vegetables. We had a good laugh at his handyman skills. He also refinished the basement into a playroom for the children adding a full wall of closets for all our extra stuff, especially the boys sports equipment. Ed used shaker shingles for the walls because they were easier for him to handle than large sheets of wallboard. We had an outside basement inside. The attic was assessed by pull down stairs. We never used it for anything except extra storage space.
One day as I was cleaning the window trim in Jonathan's room, my hand went right through the wood. Carpenter ants spilled out from the opening, thousands of them crawled across the walls and onto the floor. I ran from the room screaming and phoned Ed in a panic. He called an exterminator who came right over. We had to replace the window and trim. What a mess that was.

Was your house a gathering place for your children's friends?

Our children's friends were welcome any time and come they did. They played in the playroom in the basement, in their bedrooms and when weather permitted, outdoors in the yard. I'd rather have them at home than wandering the neighborhood. I'd grocery shop on Saturdays and by Sunday all the food I bought was gone. There weren't any Cosco's or BJ's at that time where you could buy in bulk.

What types of food were regularly eaten? (i.e., organic, vegetarian, fast food, meat, restaurants, cuisine from around the world)

Typically, the foods were Jewish favorites. Bagels and lox on Sunday mornings, chicken soup with matzo balls on holidays and winter dinners. Chicken was certainly a staple in our home for it could be prepared so many different ways. The children loved hot dogs, kosher of course, and meat loaf. We did have a Macdonald's on Whalley Avenue which I took the children to when Ed was working nights during tax season. I think breakfast was probably the children's favorite meal with all the sugary cereals then popular with kids: fruit loops, apple jacks, cocoa krispies and lucky charms. Their favorite snacks were ice cream and Hostess cup cakes. I baked chocolate cakes piled high with frosting and brownies. It's plain to see our diet was not at all nutritious. Gayle, the fussy eater in the family, disliked vegetables of any kind and she'd smell her food before lifting her fork. All the children enjoyed Chinese food and pizza. Ernie's Pizzeria on Whalley Avenue became our local watering hole. We'd go there often for Sunday dinner.

Did you have a garden and what was grown?

Living in our own home gave me the opportunity to garden and I loved it. I was forever buying books on flowers and subscribed to Flower and Garden magazine. But their wasn't enough sun to support a good garden and so I had to resort to mostly cultivating weeds. Ed grew tomatoes in a small patch of sunny dirt which always looked untidy. I tried to grow roses beside the deck. That effort failed, too. All was not lost, however, for I gained a great deal of knowledge in the process which I used to build beautiful gardens and shrub borders at the Fraser Drive house in Woodbridge.

Tell us about the pets that lived with you.

I believe we had five dogs although not at the same time. One just followed the other. Our first dog, named Princess, was a shepherd-collie mix. We loved her and thought the feeling was reciprocal but it wasn't. She'd wander off to a house on Stevenson Road, sometimes she'd return, more often she didn't. Finally, after months of coming and going, she made her preference known. She never returned. Our next dog, a terrier-mix we called Scamp, was a big mistake. He'd bark constantly, nip at the children and nearly bit our neighbor, an elderly woman. He ran away one day and I celebrated his departure. The children were not upset at all for he was not the type of dog they could pet and play with. Just prior to our move to Woodbridge, we bought Sam, a shepherd-mix from the dog shelter. He was truly a loyal pet, we loved him. He suffered from kidney disease. Gayle and I found him prone on the kitchen floor one day, he would not move. Together we lifted him up, put him in the back of my station wagon and drove down to the animal hospital on State Street in New Haven where the doctor advised us to end his misery. We were broken hearted. A dog becomes a member of your family and when he dies the loss is so great. I didn't waste any time replacing him. A week later, I brought Sam (we stuck to the name) home from the animal shelter. He had so many breeds mixed in, a large head, small body and the personality of a love bug. Ed would jog with him along the country roads in Woodbridge. The children sat him at the kitchen table, bib and all. He sat there, perched on a chair and ate his dinner. He died of old age. Our fifth and final dog belonged to Jeff. He had bought this little ball of curly white fur as a companion in college. However he barked. Dogs were not allowed at school, so Jeff brought him home to us. We named him JJ after Jeff and Jim. He lived with us for 18 years until the Vet decided it was time for him to go. He wore doggy pampers during the last years of his life. I think JJ took the ribbon for being our best pet. I vowed we'd never have another, the pain of losing him was just too great. There wasn't a leash law when we had our dogs as there is now. Sometimes I think perhaps a dog would be a nice companion for us now that we are in the late stages of our lives. Then I hear the rain and see the snow piling up. We'd have to walk the dog on a leash, clean his poop from the yard, board him when we are away. The yearning for another dog fades immediately.

Did you ever have the house to yourself? Did you enjoy it or did it feel lonely or empty?

I have the house to myself now which I rather enjoy. It fills with laughter and activity when the grandchildren visit. If I don't have to run errands, I stay in my bedclothes. There's no need to dress for I'm not going anywhere. I did feel lonely when all the children moved out but I quickly got used to being alone. I enjoy the solitude and the house all to myself.

Is there a place you would have lived if you didn't have to consider others' needs?

We should have built a ranch. The stairs are a challenge especially after my hip surgery. So far I can manage them but the day will come when Ed and I will have to make other living arrangements. It is always in the back of my mind.

Favorites

What is your favorite candy bar? Where do you usually buy it? Grocery? Drug store? Gas station? Airport?

It's not a candy bar, just a bag of chocolate covered peanuts. I usually buy it at the grocery store or the drug store. I don't make a special trip for this fat building goodie. If I'm shopping, I'll go down the candy aisle and pick some up. Ed bought me a bag of double-dipped chocolate covered peanuts. I appreciated the gesture but they were too sweet. I prefer the gourmet single-dipped bags that I sometimes see at Trader Joe's.

What is your favorite birthday cake? Do you buy it in a store or does some you love bake it? What ice cream do you like? Do you get it at an ice cream parlor or in the freezer section of a store?

I'm not a big cake eater which is good. But I love butterscotch sundaes with butter-pecan ice cream and hot butterscotch sauce. It has to have whipped cream and a cherry on top. I remember when I was pregnant with Jeffrey, I'd have such a strong craving for the sundae that Ed would have to go out, sometimes late at night, and get some for me. We would buy it at an ice cream parlor. The food stores don't stock this, at least I've never found it in the freezer section. And that's a good thing for I'd buy tons to keep in our freezer at home. I'm trying to lose weight so I haven't had any in some time. But summer is coming, so I'm sure I'll give in to my craving.

What's your favorite dessert? Can you prepare it yourself?

Favorite dessert? I really can't say. I do love puddings, though. And Ed likes rice pudding. We order it for dessert when we are dining out. I've tried to make it at home but it's been a disaster every time so I've stopped wasting money on the ingredients.

Where is your favorite beach? How far did you have to drive or bicycle to get there?

I spent summers at the beach in Woodmont, Milford which I thought was my favorite beach until our son Jeff moved to Hull, Massachusetts and bought a house near the water. In Woodmont, the beach was Long Island Sound but at Jeff's it's the Atlantic Ocean which is just majestic. The waves crashing against the shore, the beach dotted with an assortment of shells, yes, Nantasket Beach is by far my favorite. It's a long three hour ride from our home in Woodbridge. I'd love to spend more time there in the summer but Jeff rents his house out, which I can't blame him. I shouldn't spend hours in the sun anyway for I have skin cancer. I like to walk along the strip of beach front stores to Jeff's hot dog stand, get my snack then cross the road to the beach.

What is your favorite cartoon character or comic strip? Which comics do you remember reading when you were growing up?

I remember the "Dick Tracy" comic strip that I read as a child. I also had "Wonder Woman" comic books that I devoured. What a figure! What an outfit! My mother must have thrown them away when she moved out of the Goffe Terrace house. I don't read the comics now. I'm too engrossed in political news stories.

What is your favorite perfume or cologne? What fragrance gives you the nicest childhood memories and which one gives you the best adult memories?

I've tried many different perfumes but I keep going back to an old favorite - "White Shoulders." A woman I worked with at The New Haven Library always wore the same perfume, a wonderful scent of lily-of-the-valley. I never found out the name of it for if I had, I'd buy gallons. Some women prefer not to wear perfumes. I am not one of those women for I enjoy wearing perfume although I can't smell it on me.

Name your favorite books.

I've read novels by Theodore Dreiser which I've enjoyed, "Sister Carrie" being a favorite. I've read most of O. Henry's short stories, the most famous of which is "The Gift of the Magi." When I worked at the library, I read constantly and everything - biographies, essays, romance novels, political thrillers. Another favorite book is "Trumpet of the Swan" by E.B. White which I read with my first grade reading group toward the end of the year. Lately, I've been absorbed by Bob Woodward's books about the Bush years and the war in Iraq. I have all his political books. I find them most readable and enlightening. A must read and reread for me is the unfinished autobiography of Raphael Lemkin. I've scanned much of it at the New York Public Library on microfilm. I own a print copy which I've photocopied and given to our children.

What is your favorite rock group?

NONE! I hate that kind of music especially when it's blaring from open car windows.

What are your all-time favorite movies?

My all-time favorite movie is "A Place in the Sun" which I saw in 1951 when I was 13. It stars Montgomery Cliff, Elizabeth Taylor and Shelly Winters. That movie had a profound effect on my young, innocent mind. It's about a young man, Montgomery Cliff, who is involved romantically with two women. One, Shelly Winters" works in his rich Uncle's factory. The other, "Elizabeth Taylor" is a wealthy socialite. Montgomery gets Shelly pregnant and kills her by taking her out in a rowboat and dumping her overboard so he can be free to pursue Elizabeth. Another favorite movie is "Rebel Without a Cause" with James Dean. I was totally in love with him and was crushed when he was killed in a motorcycle accident. I've been a movie brat all my life, I so enjoy a night at the movies but today's movies never affected me the way those two black and white movies did.

What's your favorite beverage?

Coffee, yes lots of coffee. I used to drink regular but I now have to use decafe, doctor's orders. I like an ice cold glass of water, too, with a slice of lemon in it.

What foods do you look forward to eating in the summer? Autumn?

A real summertime treat is a lobster, cooked either stuffed or steamed. In autumn, I'd have to say, lamb chops. Ed doesn't like them so I never cook them at home.

Do you have a favorite Broadway show or musical? Who is your favorite author or literary figure? Who are your favorite movie stars? Who are your favorite TV stars?

I've seen many Broadway shows, it's hard to single one out as a favorite. "Alice Walker" is one of my favorite authors and "Bob Woodward." I don't have a favorite movie star except for Sean Penn. All of his roles have been memorable. He's so good,I forget he is playing a role. I don't watch many TV shows except for Cable News.

Different times of life are satisfying for different reasons. Which has been the most satisfying for you? (i.e., Three kids and station wagon stage, when you became the boss, when you were pursuing your education? The least satisfying?)

The most satisfying time in my life is right now. The children are adults and on their own. I don't have to stay up nights waiting for them to come home. And they have given me grandchildren, a most precious gift. The least satisfying time was when I was raising our family for I lost ME in order to concentrate on THEM.

Who are your best friends? Why are they your best friends? How long have you know each of them?

I'm hesitant to list the names of my best friends for fear I might leave a special one out. Barbara and John Listro have been friends since high school. Helen and Richard Ross, as well. Bernice (Bunny) and Burt Glassman I met when our children attended elementary school with their children. I consider them part of our family for I love them so. We are together through thick and thin. When I had a hip replacement and broken arm last year, they were there for me. I didn't have to ask for their help. We celebrate good times together and support each other in times of tragedy. Thankfully, there hasn't been many of those.

What is your favorite holiday? Where do you celebrate it? Where did you celebrate it when growing up

My favorite holiday is "Chanukah" because all the family members get together. When the children were young, Ed's family celebrated the holiday in a synagogue hall. Now we get together at Diane and Jim's, Gayle and Jay's or here at our home.

Where is the special place you go that gives you calm? Who is your favorite person to give you calm? To make you laugh? To listen?

I love my bedroom. The decor is so calming and I love to slip into bed with a good book and read but I often fall asleep in the process. Ed is my favorite person to talk to, to laugh with and to listen to his views on everything from our faltering economy to discussing our children and grandchildren. I value his opinions.

What's your favorite restaurant? Favorite dish?

My favorite restaurant is "Central Steakhouse" downtown New Haven. I've had the best lamb chops with raspberry sauce I have ever tasted at that restaurant.

Is there a toast you use time and time again?

Yes. I say "L'Chaim" - To Life, time and again.

What is your favorite saying and what does it mean to you?

My favorite saying is "But for the grace of God go thee." I see the sad faces of the homeless, the poor and the disabled. My life is blessed, but it could have turned out differently if "but for the grace of God" I had to walk in their shoes.

What is your favorite flower? Favorite color?

I really don't have a favorite flower although I love roses. I do not have them in my garden, they require constant tending which I haven't time nor the physical ability to give. My favorite color is a bronzy orange. I have several sweaters in that color and recently purchased a pair of pants that shade. The color is rich and deep and goes well with my grey hair and beige complexion.

What is your favorite time of day? Are you a morning person or a night owl?

I'm definitely a morning person. When I visit Diane and Jim in Newton, Diane will ask "what time do you want your coffee in the morning?" She sets her coffee to perk at a certain time the night before. "Five a.m." I answer. I crawl into bed around 7 p.m. to watch the news and then HGTV at 7:30. By 9 p.m. I'm sound asleep. I could never stay up late at night even when I was younger. And I never need a wake-up call in the morning for I'm my own alarm clock. Ed's an early riser, too. He may be up late at night watching television in the family room but if I come downstairs for a cold drink, I find him sound asleep.

What sense would you regret losing the most?

I have some hearing loss and wear a hearing aid in each ear. I would most regret losing my sight. Ed and I have traveled to Israel, to England, to our western National Parklands and recently to Italy. Not to be able to see those wondrous sights would be so tragic.

What were some of the best days of your life?

There were many best days. The day our first child, Jeff was born. The day Jim, Jonathan, Gayle and Carolyn were born. The day Ed passed his CPA exam. The day we settled into our home on Ray Road. The day Ed opened his own CPA firm. The day our home in Woodbridge was completed. The day of our children's weddings. The day our grandchildren were born. The day our granddaughter Abby said "When will I see you?" And the best days yet to come!

Food

What do you prefer for breakfast on a weekend as opposed to during the week?

On Sunday mornings, Ed and I usually bring breakfast to our daughter Gayle's home in Madison - bagels, lox, Ed's favorite herring in cream sauce and my speciality, noodle kugel. Our grandchildren, Abby and Sophie have developed a taste for bagels with lox and devour the sweet noodle kugel. It's wonderful to have this special breakfast with people you love. Sometimes, Ed and I will treat ourselves and drive down to Westville village to have Sunday breakfast at Bella's Cafe. Ed orders one of their special omelets while I prefer their pancakes with fresh bananas and whipped cream. Everything on the menu at Bella's is freshly prepared and very gourmet.

What are your favorite restaurants?

I enjoy Italian food. Lisiano's is a restaurant next to Ed's office on the Boston Post Road in Orange. They make the best eggplant parmigiana, their tomato sauce is thick and on the sweet side just the way I like it. We have no lack of Italian restaurants in New Haven yet we keep going back to Lisiano's. In New York, where we own an apartment, we dine at Pomadoras on Columbus Avenue at 72nd Street. We've been there so often the owner knows us by our first names. Their Italian food and especially the garlic bread sticks with tarragon and garlic dipping sauce they serve while we wait for our dinners, is the best I've ever tasted. I also like Katz's, a Jewish deli on Litchfield Turnpike not far from our home. The waiter brings a heaping dish of their famous coleslaw and a bowl of pickles to nibble on while we look over the extensive menu and specials of the day which are written on a chalkboard. I haven't been there in awhile, I think it's time for a visit.

What recipe are you famous for? Did anyone ever insult you regarding your cooking skills? What dish you usually bring to a pot luck or picnic?

I think I'm famous for my chicken soup with matzo balls and the special cinnamon rolls I make every year for the Jewish High Holidays called "plitzlah." The recipe was handed down from my Bubbe Ida to her daughter Esther, my mother. I treasure the recipe for it is written in my mother's beautiful handwriting. Although the paper it's written on is fraying and stained, I'll never recopy it. I hope this tradition will continue after my death. The only person who has ever insulted my cooking skills would have to be Ed. If I ask him how dinner is, he'll say "okay" never great or even pretty good, just okay and after I've spent hours preparing it. I don't bring any particular dish to a picnic or friend's home. It all depends on what part of the dinner they would like me to bring. It could be desert, or an appetizer or a selection for the main course. I consider myself a good cook and have a very dependable collection of cookbooks that I rely on again and again. The best place for meals is at home. I wish Ed were home more often for dinner instead of just on the weekends.

When were you first introduced to coffee? How do you take your coffee? Do you have a favorite mug?

Both my parents were coffee drinkers. I tasted coffee for the first time at around 3 or 4. My mother scolded me for taking a sip from her cup. She said coffee would stunt my growth. I guess she was right for I stand only 5 feet tall. I drink decafe now, doctor's orders. I like a robust, rich coffee which I take with hazelnut flavored cream. Our daughter Carolyn, who lives and works in Manhattan, took Ed and I for Spanish coffee in Harlem recently. Now that was a great cup of coffee, very delicious. I don't have a favorite mug but I prefer to drink coffee from a mug. A small cup, the type they use in restaurants, just doesn't hold enough coffee for me and I need it refilled 2 or 3 times. When we visit Claudia, my college roommate, she serves coffee in mugs she and Jon collected from all over the world. I might get one from Ireland, or Italy and probably, next time Africa, for they were there this past December.

What is your favorite Campbell's soup?

I don't use canned soups, the salt content is too high. Ed's favorite is Campell's tomato soup so I'll have a few cans in the pantry.

Do you follow any nutritional "rules" such as strictly vegetarian, kosher, organic, etc.?

No, I don't follow any nutritional rules per se, however I use only Kosher meats and enjoy fresh fruits and vegetables. Ed plants his vegetable garden each summer at the community gardens in town. Some years the bounty is plentiful other years it's just some zucchini which seems to flourish untended. Lately I've brought home organic foods for there seems to be a proliferation of them at Stop and Shop.

Have you ever had breakfast in bed?

I've had breakfast in bed on Mothers Day when the children were little and recently in the hospital when I had my hip surgery. I have a bed tray that I've never used. I prefer to eat breakfast at the kitchen table where I can gaze out the window at our woods.

Have you ever been on a successful diet? If so, how many pounds did you lose?

In my 50's, I went to Weight Watchers and lost around 15 pounds down to a size 10 from a size 12. I didn't keep it up so I'm back to a size 12 in my 70's. My main problems with diets is that I enjoy food too much and have little willpower to push a dish aside. I have learned to eat half my meal at a restaurant and take the balance home for lunch the next day.

What's the water like in your town? Is it drinkable? Do you drink bottled water by choice?

We have well water in Woodbridge which is very good. We do have a filter for the kitchen tap to prevent minerals and sediment from entering our water pipes. We purchase bottled water by choice although my niece, who is an environmental engineer, says that tap water is much better for you than bottled spring water. Our well water comes directly from an underground spring.

What personal staples are always and always in your kitchen or refrigerator?

The staples I always have in the pantry or refrigerator are white and chocolate milk, bagels, eggs, butter not margarine, lettuce, tomatoes and onions. I keep sugar on hand in the pantry although I rarely use it except for baking. And I always have green tea for Ed. I keep a shelf in the pantry for the grandchildren so whenever they visit, I'm prepared - macaroni and cheese boxes, small juice drinks and their favorite fruit candies. Ed has his own staples - Hershey's kisses and caramelized corn. He has a dangerous sweet tooth.

What's the best snack? What's the best dinner? What do you usually have for lunch?

I snack on fruit, mostly grapes. The best dinner is our Rosh Hashanah meal where I prepare everything from scratch: homemade chicken soup with matzos balls, brisket or chicken, orzo rice with mushrooms, asparagus, and sweet cinnamon buns called plitzlah for dessert. Lunch depends where I am. If I'm at school, I'll grab a yogurt and some cheese sticks. If I am at home, I'll have a salad or left-overs from the previous nights dinner.

Describe some of the picnics you've been on. Family? Romantic? Do you eat seafood? Have you ever eaten it at the shore?

I haven't been on a picnic in many years so I have little recollection of the foods I might have packed. Ed and I go to the outdoor concerts on the New Haven green some summer evenings. I'll pack finger foods such as baked chicken pieces, pickles, vegetable sticks and wine. I bring glasses for the wine of course. Yes, I've eaten seafood. I love it. Shrimp, lobster, cod and trout. At Nantasket Beach, where Jeff lives, I'll have fried clams from his hot dog stand. Brianna and Edina, Jeff's girls, prefer hot dogs at the shore. They eat so many, they are going to turn into one.

Do you have a favorite cookbook? What cookbook do you remember your family using?

I own a shelf of cookbooks and recently purchased a new one which has become a favorite. It was compiled by the Jewish Community Center in Woodbridge and has tasty, easy to prepare dishes. I don't remember my mother ever using a cookbook. She wasn't known for her cooking ability. My father liked to cook except he left the kitchen a mess.

What is your weakness? Sweets?

My weakness is butterscotch sundaes made with butter pecan ice cream and hot butterscotch sauce with a dollop of whipped cream on top.

What do you consider the best pizza? What's your favorite Chinese dish? What other ethnic foods do you like?

The best pizza, bar none, is from Sally's on Wooster Street in New Haven. The crust is very thin like in Italy and the sauce, terrific. They are known all across the United States for their pizza. I know folks who fly it home from Sally's. I do like Chinese food but I don't have a favorite dish. I do not like sushi at all. The ethnic foods I like is anything Italian and everything Jewish, especially sweet and sour stuffed cabbage. I could eat that morning, noon, and night.

What do you remember as either of your parent's specialty item? Your grandparents?

My mother made a dish called "grebenes" for my father. She'd pull the skin off a chicken, cut it up into small pieces, then cook it on the stove. By adding diced onions and a slice of apple, she would stir it until the skin of the chicken curled up into brown bits. My father would eat the entire pan full. It was just awful!!

Do you eat better or worse now than when you were a child?

I eat better now than when I was a child. Who knew about trans fats or cholesterol and none of the packaged foods listed the calorie intake. However, Jeff told me I'm better off eating natural foods that don't contain any chemicals.

Moments From Your Adult Life

Did you and your mate often go dancing? Where? What music did you dance to? Did you and your mate have "our song"? Which dances were popular?

Yes, Ed and I often went dancing. That was one of the things that attracted me to Ed, he loved to dance and was very adept at it. Live bands not DJ's played at restaurants for dancing. I'm pleased to see that ballroom dancing is having a resurgence in popularity. We danced to the music of the 50's and 60's. We went to "The Phoenix Club" in Branford to get a bite to eat and dance, usually another couple would join us. I think Barbara and John Listro double-dated with us. We'd glide around the dance floor doing the foxtrot, the waltz, the rumba and swing. Oh, and the Cha-Cha as well. We did them all. We don't dance apart gyrating to the rock sounds the kids dance to these days. At a wedding or Bar Mitzvah we often have to request dance music for us "old folks." Ed and I didn't have a favorite song or "our song" with the exception of "After the Loving." Whenever Ed hears that song played at an affair, he turns to me and says " Want to dance?"

When you and your friends got together, what did you do? Whose home did you go to most often? Did your children become friends with your friends' children? How did you meet the friends you are most comfortable with now?

Yes, we did get together with our friends, usually on weekends. During the week, I'd wheel the children to my friends' homes so we could chat and the children could play with their children. No, I don't think those visitations formed lasting friendships with our children. They were friendly with the children in their own neighborhood whose parents were not necessarily close friends. I met other mothers through the elementary school the children attended and through our synagogue, Beth El-Keser Israel. We joined the synagogue in 1967 and are still members though not as active. I'm very proud to say the friends I had then are still my friends today. I work to keep these friendships alive, not letting distance end our relationships. Now that I have a cell phone, keeping in touch is easy and inexpensive.
Ed has childhood friends from the neighborhood where he was raised. Once we married, I embraced them as my friends. We've vacationed together and gone to dinner many times. I treasure these people for they are very special.

What kind of movies do you find yourself drawn to....adventure, epic, violent, comedy? Do you go to movies now as much as you used to? Why or why not?

Now that we have hi-definition television and movie rentals, Ed and I don't go out to the movies that often. I lean toward the romantic comedies and Ed likes a fast -paced thriller. I don't like to spend an evening watching violent films at all. I watch old movies, especially musicals, on the Turner Classic Movie channel. The movies are still very entertaining though I've seen them many times. Often, Ed and I are too tired to go out at night. We'd just as soon rent a DVD or borrow one from the library, change into comfy clothes and fall asleep while the movies plays on the TV.

What books do you like to read? Novels, biographies, romance, science fiction? Do you have a specific part of the house for books? What is the last book you read? Why did you choose that one? Where were you sitting when you read it?

We have a room over the garage which we call "the studio." Bookshelves line one entire wall and are filled with reading materials. When I worked at the Woodbridge Library, part of my job was to know our public's reading tastes and suggest titles that I thought they might enjoy. I had to read many books in order to provide this service. I would take them home by the armload and read two or three a week. I also wrote a column for our local newspaper reviewing books. I don't like light fiction, Danielle Steel and all those romance authors. I enjoy biographies and history. I like to read in bed which I should not do because I fall asleep with the open book in my hands. The last book I read was by Bob Woodward titled "The War Within," the last in his series about President Bush's decision to go to war in Iraq. I've read through "Bush at War," "Plan of Attack," and "State of Denial." Woodward makes politics very assessable to the average American. I enjoy a good thriller, not a mystery. I have two books on my night stand waiting to be read. One is by James Patterson "Run For Your Life," and the other is "Born to Run," by James Grippando, an author I've never read before.

Are you friendly with your neighbors? Do you sit down for an evening together on the porch or patio or are you merely cordial with them, nodding acquaintances? Have you ever had a neighbor whom you've loved and lost? Were you close to a family that later moved away?

Yes, I'm friendly with a neighbor right across the street, Bob Blossey. He's in his 80's, a widower, and a fine man. He watches our house when we are away and picks up our mail and newspapers. He says it gives him something to do. He has no family here. His brother lives in Colorado and has been begging Bob to move there for many years. But Bob is comfortable in his large house with its familiar rooms. I can understand that. Ed and I live in a four bedroom colonial, no children, no pets. Some of our friends have downsized to condos or apartments. I love our home and don't want to give it up until health forces us to or if I'm left alone one day. Myrna and Owen Kroeger, who lived on our street. had four children around the same ages as ours. Myrna and I would hold a tag sale every year in July. We were good friends. The Kroegers owned a summer house in a tennis community in Vermont and one summer, several years ago, she died there suddenly. Owen sold the house on Fraser Drive and moved to Quincy, Massachusetts to be close to his daughter. I've heard that he has since remarried. I miss Myrna very much. Shirley Chan and her husband bought the Kroeger house. I see Shirley at the Jewish Community Center where we both take aerobic classes. She also worked with Carolyn at Boys and Girls Village in Milford. They are a delightful couple but I am not as close to Shirley as I was to Myrna. I have a nodding acquaintance with the other homeowners on our street. The Goldfarbs used to lived next door. Being on two acres of land, next door is pretty far away. Len Goldfarb would help everyone on the street. I especially remember when hurricane Gloria struck. We were without water and electricity for over a week. Len had a generator in his garage and brought water to all eight homes. He used his chain saw to cut branches from the trees that had fallen across our driveways. Eventually, the Goldfarbs sold their house and moved to a condo community. They were the type of neighbors you'd love to have. I've never seen the folks who bought his home. An interesting thing happened on my way to the podiatrist. Dr. Key had been telling me, on each and every visit, that his wife wanted to move to Woodbridge. They finally bought a house in Woodbridge on North Racebrook Road, across the road from Fraser Drive. Dr. Key was stunned to hear that of all the homes they looked at to buy, they chose my neighborhood. This past summer he hosted a neighborhood get together. He has a lovely wife and two adorable little girls. And he wasn't wearing his lab coat. Ed and I couldn't stay very long, just enough time to introduce Ed to my doctor and present his family with a cake I had baked for the occasion. I still have to go to his office for my feet, however.

Are you a member of any club or social group? Have you ever spent time doing charitable work? If so, why was the charity important to you?

I'm not really a club person. In the early days of my marriage, I joined "The Jewish Council of Women." This organization raised funds for projects in Israel. With the children demanding more and more of my time, I eventually dropped out. Ed and I were members of the social arm of our synagogue called "The Couples Club." We were very active for many years. The club eventually disbanded from lack of new members. One Thanksgiving several years ago, Ed and I bagged groceries for a Black organization serving poor families in their community. I found it very rewarding to help those less fortunate. No one should go hungry in America especially on Thanksgiving. On Wednesday evenings, I play mah jong with my cousin Ina and three other women. My mother was an avid mah jong player, too. I have her set of ivory tiles in the hall closet. Today's sets aren't made of ivory since the elephant is a protected animal. The Salvation Army is a wonderful charity as all the money it raises goes directly to help people in need. I make a donation to them each year at Christmas time. Ed is extremely charitable to the Jewish Federation of New Haven, actually he gives what he can to anyone in need. He never says "NO" to his children when they need help financially. Why not give while we are still alive to see them benefit, then to give money to them after we are gone.

Is there anything you need that you don't have?

Need and want are very different. There is nothing that I can think of that I need. My children and their spouses are very respectful and loving but I want to see our children and grandchildren more often. If I were to move, I think I'd move east to Massachusetts, close to our sons Jeff and Jim. Now that Jeff is divorced, he needs someone to take care of him. I see the grandchildren only 3 or 4 times a year. We do spend Chanukah together as a family. I look forward to that holiday because I know we will all be together. Ed and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary next year. My wish is to gather all our 5 children and their spouses and all the grandchildren and take a vacation together. I thought a cruise next summer would be a wonderful choice but it seems that Jeff has work obligations and some of the grandchildren go to summer camp, so I don't believe this "want" of mine is going to become a reality.

Do you take a little respite for yourself everyday? For example, a drink before dinner, a walk before dark, or a quiet moment in a spot where you're all alone to collect your thoughts?

Yes, I take a little respite for myself everyday. I nap in the afternoon after I get home from work. I should walk more. Actually, Ed and I used to take long walks in the evenings after dinner and sometimes on Sunday afternoons. Since I have problems with my bladder, I can't be far from a bathroom. The doctor prescribed medication which I take some nights before bed. One of the downsides is these pills can damage the kidneys, so I do not take them every night. Gardening is my solace. At this moment, we are expecting a major snowstorm to hit Connecticut again. I'm anxious for the warm days of spring so I can get busy in the garden. There in my garden, I feel so calm and peaceful and I do my best thinking with a spade in one hand and a weed in the other.

How do / did you exercise?

The school where I work is built in a circle with the media center in the middle. To get from one classroom to another, I have to walk round and round. This has become my daily exercise. When school ends for summer vacation, I take gentle aerobics at the Jewish Community Center on Amity Road, a five minute drive from home. After class on Fridays, my cousin Mickey and I have lunch at a local restaurant. My garden chores are another way I exercise, bending, kneeling and pushing the wheelbarrow with its flat tire. I had my right hip replaced last year. The doctor told me that my left hip would need to be replaced as well. It's beginning to give me problems. I find bending and lifting my left leg painful but I'll put off the surgery as long as possible.

What do / did you do for fun?

Fun for me is spending time with family or going for a drive in the car with Ed, not having any destination in mind. We'll drive through country towns, stop at a tag sale along the way or head for the beach then walk the boardwalk. We meet interesting people and discover little Connecticut towns we've never heard of. Sometimes we'd get lost, take a wrong turn and windup far from our destination. Now that we have a GPS for the car, our drive is under control.

What are your hobbies?

I don't have a specific hobby but I guess you could call my garden a hobby. I wish summer would last all year. I like to knit, mostly afghans and have made a few during my adult life. I had to put my knitting needles away for I can't keep track of the pattern. My mother crocheted beautiful afghans. I regret I never took the time to learn her craft.

Have you ever had a time when you had to concentrate on getting back on your feet? If so, how did you wait out your time? At times did this challenge seem too great?

Last July I had hip replacement surgery. From the hospital, I went to a nursing home for a week. It was very challenging for me to get back on my feet once I returned home for the bedrooms are upstairs and I had to use a walker and cane to get around. I couldn't prepare a meal or do the laundry or take a shower myself. A visiting nurse and occupational therapist came to the house twice a week for two weeks. They taught me how to get in and out of bed, how to walk unassisted and how to dress myself. I lost the summer. It was a most difficult time and I'm thankful to be fully recovered. I know I will have to have my left hip replaced but I'll put that thought aside as long as I can.

What has been the worst time in your life?

The worst time in my life was the night my mother died. I had talked to her on the phone Saturday afternoon and at 8 that evening I received the call that she had died. I should have been by her side, I should have held her when she took her last breath. There isn't a day that goes by that my heart doesn't ache. I will take the regret that fills my soul to my grave. I just pray that she forgave me for not being the daughter she deserved.

Have you had to take legal action against anyone? Has anyone ever taken legal action against you?

As a matter of fact, my husband and I went to court over our newspaper delivery man. We stopped our subscription to the New York Times. He continued to deliver the paper and became quite nasty. We are sure he was the person who damaged our mailbox out of revenge. We refused to pay him for the newspaper that we had canceled and as a result we had to go to court to get a judgement against him. After many months, the issue was finally settled. Sometimes we will run into him and he still holds a grudge against us.

If you're retired, has it been a positive or negative experience? If you are not yet retired, what are you looking forward to? At what age would you love to retire?

I did retire in 1993 after working 13 years at the library. It didn't last very long. I became bored with not doing anything useful. I suppose I could have volunteered for a charity but then I saw this ad in our local newspaper for a Title 1 tutor at the Orange Public Schools. Having been a teacher, I thought it would be the perfect job for me and it was part-time 4 hours a day. I guess the Director of Special Services thought so too for she hired me on the spot. I've been a Title 1 Tutor since 1998. If Ed agreed to retire, I would also. Then we could spend the winters in Florida. Ed won't consider it, though. He told me once if he retired, he'd die. I may entertain the thought again perhaps next year. I must admit, I'm getting tired of working although I love being with the school children and the talented teachers. Our principal, Al DeCant, said I could work at Peck Place as long as I want and when I die, he'll bury me under the jungle jim on the playground. That's a pleasant thought, isn't it?

Did you ever have to help a family member, mate or friend through a difficult medical time?

My father died at age 62. He suffered from a diseased heart. The doctor's suggested that he might have had rheumatic fever as a child. Being from Russia, health records were nonexistent. Bubbe Heller remembered him suffering from high fevers during their escape and long journey to America. My father spent the last years of his life in and out of the hospital. My mother had to have her aorta heart valve replaced a few years after he died. She suffered from the same malady. I went with my mother to the hospital many times over the years when my father was so ill. Just before he died, I would pick Carolyn up from kindergarten and together we would help my mother care for him at home. He went into a coma and died surrounded by his family. His death had a profound effect on Carolyn. She was too young to understand what had happened. She exhibited signs of stress so much so that we took her to the Child Study Clinic at Yale for evaluation. They determined that Carolyn feared that I would die as well although she could not express those fears. With our loving support and reassurance that we'd be here for a long time, she slowly recovered enough to return to school knowing I would be waiting for her. My mother, too, had open heart surgery. It was supposed to extend her life which it did for 5 years. But she had no quality of life. She died at age 76 at the Jewish Home for the Aged, all alone.
Jeffrey's surgery at 2 and his rheumatic arthritis that he thankfully outgrew, along with Jonathan's injuries due to being hit by a car were the most difficult medical emergencies we had to face as a family.
My mother-in-law died from lung cancer at age 74 but her troubles began long before that. On the day of our wedding, while getting dressed, she noticed a lump in her neck just below her earlobe. She didn't say a word to anyone until we returned from our honeymoon. The doctor's examination revealed she had a cancerous lump. It was removed successfully. I drove her to her radiation treatments at the Yale Cancer Center. She lost a clump of hair at the back of her head which greatly distressed her. She suffered in silence, never complaining. It was a tough few years for everyone.

What magazines do you subscribe to? Which do you pick up every once and awhile?

I subscribed to decorating magazines such as "Home," "Traditional Home," and "House Beautiful." I've canceled them all. It became too costly. I canceled "Real Simple," as well. We now get "Time" magazine each week. Ed ordered that one. I do sit down and read it over a cup of coffee. I use our library's extensive collection of magazines which I can borrow for two weeks. I make a copy of an article that interests me and I don't have all those magazines piling up on the coffee table.

Have you ever had surgery?

Yes, I had my appendix out at 11, my tubes tied after Carolyn was born and last July, a right hip replacement. I hope that is the end of it.

Do you think you're using all the brain power you've been given?

I know I am. I'm in the 5th and 6th grade classrooms every day where I tutor math and writing. My brain power has increased as I, along with 11 and 12 year olds, grapple with the teachers' lectures and instruction. Math is taught differently today than when I taught school. Children learn to apply their math skills in real life situations instead of just memorizing math tables and formulas. They learn what operation to use and why. And they can use a calculator. Imagine that!

What item have you saved through the years that means the most to you?

My mother's gold watch encrusted with diamonds and rubies has sat in my jewelry box for over 20 years. It's a wind-up watch and never kept the time so I never wear it. I'll keep it forever. I also have my mother's silver candelabrum. I think of her hands passing across the flames every time I light the Sabbath candles. It's another treasure I shall never part with.

Politics and History

Who was the best president of any country ever? Who was the worst president? Which president of the United States did you admire most? Did you ever meet a famous politician? What happened?

I think our best president was Franklin D. Roosevelt. He provided great leadership during one of the most difficult times in American history. The great depression, the war in Europe and the growing menace of the communist bloc. His fireside chats soothed a nation like a father calms the fears of his children. Eleanor Roosevelt, a gifted and forceful first lady, showed by example that women had a vital role to play in politics. Our worst President I think was Jimmy Carter. The only thing I remember about his presidency was the fact that he was a peanut farmer from Georgia. He had little impact on our nation and served only one term. I admired Jack Kennedy. If only he had lived, he might have been our greatest President. Yes, I met a famous politician. He wasn't that well known at the time of our meeting. His name is Joseph Liberman, United States Senator from Connecticut. My husband's Uncle, Aaron Estra, was Senator Liberman's campaign manager when he ran for the Connecticut State Senate. He attended the same synagogue as the Lemkin family. The first black mayor of New Haven, John Daniels, was a very close friend of my husband. He and Ed attended Villanova University together. We went to John and Bess' wedding and I would call John frequently if I thought he knew the answer to a question a library patron asked me. He would say, "When you are downtown, stop in a have a cup of coffee with me." I never did. Ed and I met Mayor Ed Koch in 1987 when we were invited to the New York Public Library's acceptance of Raphael Lemkin's papers to their research library. We were ushered into a grand hall, served hors d'oeuvres, introduced to many famous people who were there, then listened to the speakers praise the work of Raphael Lemkin. Very exciting day!!

Do you have a strong political party alliance? Have you ever worked on a campaign? Have you ever worked at a polling place?

My family were die-hard Democrats. I would vote a straight Democratic ticket but not anymore. Cousin Edward Klebanoff was Probate Judge in New Haven. His influence paved the way for my first teaching position at Welch School in New Haven. I don't vote a straight Democratic ticket, I vote for the candidates I think will do the best job, regardless of their party affiliation. I don't agree with the Republican party platform. Just look at George W. Bush's record and low opinion ratings. The Republicans brought this nation down so far that President Obama has a steep hill to climb to bring this nation back to its former standing in the world. No, I have never worked on a campaign or at a polling place.

Which domestic problems are most important in your town today? In your country? In the world?

The most important domestic problem in Woodbridge is the drug and alcohol abuse by teenagers. In our country, I would say child sexual abuse. Every day the media reports another child sexually molested or found murdered. It's appalling that our law enforcement authorities cannot stop this crime against innocent children. Registering sexual predators is not enough, stronger laws need to be enacted and enforced. If my grandchild were to suffer such a devastating crime, I'd go out of my mind. I believe the problems our world faces today are so complex that I cannot grasp them fully. The right of Israel to exist in peace with its neighbors is a paramount problem we must solve. Terrorist, especially Al Qaeda and their legions of followers, must be eradicated forever. Climate change is another grave problem. And our failing economy is another serious concern. Ed believes if we do nothing, the economy will eventually turn itself around. I do not agree. I believe strongly that the present administration has no choice but to implement the stimulus plan. We have some very rough times ahead of us but as my grandmother used to say,"The wheel will turn."

What have been your causes over the years? What did you do about issues that bother you?

The causes that have and still are important to me are the viability of the state of Israel. Ed and I took a trip to Israel for our 25th wedding anniversary. The feeling I had stepping onto Israel's soil was so overwhelming, it brought tears to my eyes. After all the Jewish people have endured, the nation of Israel must survive and flourish in peace. The beauty of the country is truly remarkable, they turned a desert into a garden of Eden. Homelessness in America concerns me. With all our riches, no one should sleep outside and beg for food. Ed and I donate money to the Jewish Federation and to homeless shelters. We take unopened food, such as fruit baskets we receive as gifts to a local homeless shelter in Milford, Beth El. We brought the highchair and crib our grandchildren outgrew to them as well. I have told our children many times, "But for the grace of God, go thee."

Which campaign slogans stick in your mind? Why?

The only campaign slogan that sticks in my mind is from the 2009 election of President Obama, "Change we can believe in."

Have you ever gone against popular opinion or beliefs and, if so, has this caused any problems?

Ed and I disagree on the solution to our economic woes. Our discussions haven't caused any rifts in our relationship but it might if our economy worsens and proves him right. Perhaps his opinion is colored by the fact that he is an accountant and deals with finances every day. Ed thinks we should let the economy take care of itself, go through the down cycle without any assistance from the government. The markets will reach a high again if we just leave them alone, according to Ed. Yet people are losing everything in the meantime, their jobs, their homes, their retirement funds. We can't sit back and do nothing. Jonathan lost his job and Jeff wants to buy a restaurant. They will need help, of that I am certain.

Have you seen racial injustice first hand? Have you ever been the target of prejudice?

Yes, I've seen racial injustice first hand when I was in college. Members of the black race were my father's customers, our family's hired help and my friends in school. I was totally unprepared for the discrimination I witnessed when I traveled to Georgia on a college internship in 1958. A classmate, I've forgotten her name, and I stayed with a family in Camden County, Georgia for a month where we were teaching interns at a local white public school. Blacks were segregated to their own schools of which I was not permitted to enter. I remember walking down the street in town on the way to the post office when I saw a black woman walk toward me. She crossed the street and walked on the other side as I continued on my way. I learned that evening that Black people were not allowed to walk on the same side of the street as white folks. There was a small coffee shop next to the post office. When I entered, the waiter directed me to a seat at the white counter which was very clean. Across the room, black folks stood at a dirty counter with torn seats and they had to serve themselves for no white person would wait on them. There were separate bathrooms and water fountains. I can just imagine the horrible condition of their restroom compared to the one used by white folks. Later that evening I questioned our hosts. Their reply, "We treat our Negroes like dogs, and we don't appreciate you Yankees telling us what we should do." That was the last time I opened my mouth about this injustice. I had stepped into another world, one I didn't belong in.
In the 50's and early 60's Jews were discriminated against in college and career placements. Colleges had a quota system in accepting Jews. It didn't matter how good your high school grades were. If you were a Jew, you fell to the bottom of the list of acceptable candidates.
Candlewood Lake, a resort community near college, prohibited Jews from owning homes there. And they made no bones about it. I remember a sign near the lake, "no Jews allowed." Can you imagine how this sign made me feel?
During the 1970's I worked as a Real Estate agent for a short time. I remember one Sunday in particular. I showed a house on Stimson Road to a young, well-dressed Black couple. They seemed impressed and I thought I had made a sale. When I returned to the office, Mr. Abbot, my boss, told me they were probably testers, people sent out to see if our agency discriminated against Blacks.
I have never been the target of prejudice, at least I didn't see it that way. Yes, my peers sometimes teased me about being Jewish, said that we killed Christ or that Jews had all the money in America and controlled Hollywood and the large businesses. I rebutted their claims. They were just repeating what they heard at home. This prejudice against Jews became more pronounced during the energy crisis in the late 70's when it was nearly impossible to get gas for the car. I was in graduate school at Southern Connecticut State University when I overheard someone say that our energy crisis was the fault of Israel. The Jews caused this to happen. I had nothing to do with the energy crisis nor did Israel. People look to blame others when they are suffering. The people controlling the oil supply were not Jews but Arabs. At the time, our new home in Woodbridge was nearing completion. The plans called for two fireplaces, one in the living room and the other in the family room. We removed the one in the living room because of the energy situation. It was a mistake. I wish we had a fireplace in the living room. You see, the wheel turned.

Is there a government policy that you strongly disagree with? Did you ever demonstrate about it?

I've been suspect of the welfare system. It's much better than it was in the 70's and 80's. People who could work, didn't. It was easier to get a check each week from the welfare department than to work 8 hours a day. Single mothers had many children for the more children you had, the more money the government gave you. No, although I felt strongly about the abuses, I never demonstrated about it. The Clinton Administration changed many of the rules in the Welfare Department which cut down on the abuses.

How do you feel about the United Nations?

The United Nations is central to all nations of the world living in harmony although I feel it does not have the power to exert against nations that threaten the welfare of other nations. Let me clarify that statement. Why can't the United Nations stop Iran from producing nuclear weapons aimed at the destruction of Israel or Afghanistan's intrenched terrorist groups that continue to kill American soldiers and threaten American interests around the world? The United Nations seems ill-fitted to resolve these and other problems. The nation-members talk about these issues but can't affect change. In 1948, Raphael Lemkin spoke daily to the members of the United Nations trying to persuade them to endorse the Genocide Convention, a treaty he had written that makes genocide a punishable international offense. The United Nations finally adopted the Convention in 1948 and it came into force in 1951. Although 132 countries had ratified the convention, a number of countries did not. Countries where mass crimes against ethnic or religious groups have been committed: Indonesia, Nigeria, Sierra Leone and the Sudan. More than half a dozen Latin American and Caribbean nations have not ratified this treaty. The United States did not sign the treaty into law until November 4, 1988. President Reagan, upon signing the bill into law, praised the remarkable leadership of Raphael Lemkin. On June 12, 1997, the Clinton administration's ambassador for war crimes, David Scheffer, and Secretary General Kofi Annan's wife, Nane Annan, spoke to the United Nations members of Raphael Lemkin's legacy to the world. Ed and I did not attend.

Do you think the welfare system is run correctly?

During the Clinton administration, major changes were made to the welfare system. However, I do not know enough about the administration of the welfare department and its levels of compliance to answer this question. When a bureaucracy is as large and complex as the welfare system, abuse is bound to happen. This is not a pessimistic opinion just a dose of reality.

Are your social security benefits what they should be?

Yes, I guess they are. I've worked most of my life and a portion of my wages goes into the social security system. It would be nice if I received a larger check each month as living costs climb but the amount I receive is calculated according to my earnings and Ed's, so I can't complain. The check I receive is justified.

Do you follow local goings on in city government? Have there been cases of corruption or scandal that rocked your town?

We live in a small town and having worked at the public library, I know most of the people who run our government. Recently, a secretary in our high school was arrested for embezzling funds from the drama productions account. I do not know this person yet I suspect the economy makes smart people do very foolish things. She has been arrested.

Have you ever run for office? Did you win? Have you ever been on jury duty? What was the case? Did you decide the defendant guilty or innocent? Was it a hard judgment call?

I've never run for office. Yes, I've been called for jury duty many times but never selected for a panel. Usually I'm dismissed because I know one of the attorneys or one of the attorneys on the case is a client of Ed's.

Did you personally know anyone victimized during the McCarthy area?

My father had a friend who was fired from his job at the Armstrong Rubber Company because he was thought to be a Communist. I did not know him personally. I liked to tune into "What's My Line," on television during the McCarthy era. Some airings had different panel members and the talk was that some were fired because they were "commies," and had to be replaced. That era disgraced America in front of the world.

What are your feelings about the space program? Where were you when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon? Do you believe we actually landed on the moon?

That was such an exciting time. I watched the actual landing and moon walk on television with our children although the boys were too young to appreciate the importance of this momentous event. Yes, I believe we actually landed on the moon, I saw it with my own eyes. We had to compete with Russia on the space program. Look at the many benefits we've reaped from space. We have a better scientific understanding of how the universe formed, we have up-to-the minute Doppler radar weather reports, we get driving directions from GPS positioning systems, most people have wireless communications and many airlines have TV's at every seat. This amazing technology, all due to our exploration of space, is certain to grow in the future.

Do you own a flag? Do you display it?

I don't own a flag. Gayle and Jay display the American flag on a pole in their front yard. On July 4th, nearly all our neighbors have tiny American flags stuck in their mailboxes. It's a proud sight to see the flag waving in the wind.

Did you build a bomb shelter and, if so, how did you supply it?

We had a bomb shelter in our basement at 170 Goffe Terrace. My parents outfitted it with blankets, bottled water, flashlights and a box of candles. That's all I can remember. We never had to use it. My elementary school had a bomb shelter in the basement but I can't remember what it looked like or what supplies were in it. I remember the loud sirens that pierced the air with their shrill sounds. These were practice drills, not the real thing, thank heavens.

Where were you when you heard about Pearl Harbor?

I was only 3 at the time. Where was I at the time? Probably napping in my crib.

Do you mostly vote for losers or winners?

I don't understand the implications of this question.

Did you have loved ones who went to war?

Norman Powell, who married my aunt Mary, fought in the war. He flew fighter planes. He brought his silk parachute home so my Aunt Mary could sew slips to wear. She put it up in the attic. I don't remember if she ever used the material. Both my cousins Marvin Wallach and Bud Chorney served during the war. I can picture Bud in his sailor suit, so handsome. Now in his 80's, he looks just as dapper. Marvin died recently. I don't remember whether he served in the Army or Marines, I know it wasn't the Navy. Ed and I watched the movie "Saving Private Ryan." Some scenes I just couldn't watch. I buried my head until they were over.

Where were you when Franklin Roosevelt died? Where were you when John F. Kennedy was shot? Where were you when Robert Kennedy was shot? Where were you when Martin L. King was shot? Where were you when you heard about September 11th?

I was very young when Franklin Roosevelt died. I distinctly remember where I was when the news came that John Kennedy had been shot. It was a warm November morning. The boys and I were at Edgewood Park, where we often went so they could run around and I could visit with the other mothers in the park. A car drove by. The driver rolled down his window, honked his horn and shouted "President Kennedy has been shot." I scooped up the boys from the sandbox and headed home as did everyone else that was in the park that day. Tears rolled down my face. I couldn't stop crying. As soon as we arrived back home, I turned on the television and sat glued to the set the entire day. Walter Winchell announced to the world, "President Kennedy is dead." His voice cracked as he repeated those words. I met Walter Winchell at The Roosevelt Four Freedoms Award ceremony and was surprised to see how tall he was, well over 6 feet. Of course, I'm short, so most people appear tall to me. And what question was he asked? "How did he feel announcing the death of Kennedy?" I thought it was the most stupid question to ask this man. I stood next to him as he answered the young reporter. "Same way you would feel if a good friend of yours died at the hands of an assassin's bullet." I'm sure I prepared lunch for the boys that day of November 22, but I don't remember doing anything but watching the TV screen. I can't remember where I was when Martin Luther King was shot. September 11th I remember very clearly. I was sitting at the kitchen table having my morning cup of coffee. I love September. I glanced out the kitchen window admiring our green lawn. Sunlight filled the kitchen. Cable news channel 67 was on the TV when they switched to a plane crashing into one of the twin towers in Manhattan. As the newscaster was speaking, another plane hit the second tower. Cable news played these scenes over and over again. A few hours later, I received a call from Carolyn. Would I let people stay in our apartment who had survived the attack but couldn't get out of New York? Yes, of course I would. It turned out that no one used the apartment. Ed and I went into the city that weekend. We walked around Chinatown and little Italy. The stench in the air was horrible. People walked around dazed. Some wore face masks. Police were everywhere. We couldn't get close to the site where the twin towers once stood. The police had blocked off the streets. Terrorists had come to our shores!

What do you think was your country's grandest moment during your lifetime? What do you think was your country's lowest national moment?

I think our country's grandest moment was during the Kennedy administration with the signing of the Civil Rights Act. Our lowest moment had to be the McCarthy era and the fear that Communists would takeover our country.

Do you believe in gun control?

Yes, I believe in gun control. Too many young people get their hands on guns for no purpose other than to commit murder. The only way they know to settle an argument is to shoot one another. We don't need guns in the hands of unbalanced people.

Is there a time in history you think it would have been fascinating to live in? Why?

The Victorian era in the late 1800's would have been a fascinating time to live. It was a period of high culture and manners. It produced some of our greatest authors, poets, architecture, furniture and art. And the fashions the women wore were fabulous. Gentlemen treated women with the utmost respect. It was a very romantic period. I would have enjoyed living during that time.

What direction do you think the country is going in today?

This is a perilous time in our nation's history. Rampant greed and criminal behavior has reached the highest sectors of our society. A few of our government officials have been found guilty of many offenses : fraud, sex for money, lying under oath and more. What kind of example do these officials set for the general population? I feel that President Obama is the right man to lead this country in a new direction. We must all give his administration our support and we will be a better and safer nation for it. I pray for our country and its honest leaders.

Have you always been proud to be an American? How does being American feel differently than being an American 40 years ago?

I have always been proud and thankful that I am a citizen of this country. Every period in our history, whether 40 years ago or 100 years ago has had its problems. We are resilient, we will bounce back and be better for the tests we face today. Having said that, I am troubled by the terror threats we face from militant Islamic groups. I have a feeling cells are already planning another attack here in America. Ed and I sometimes attend Macy's' Thanksgiving Day parade in New York. Who among all the thousands of bystanders are bent on doing us harm? Is there a suicide bomber standing nearby? I worry about my grandchildren's safety.

What does your nationality mean to you?

My answer to this question might seem unclear. On the one hand, to a Jew, Israel is our final homeland. We say "Next year in Jerusalem." On the other hand, I am an American living in the greatest country on Earth. Even with all its faults, I would never want to live anywhere else which might sound like a contradiction to my first statement. Visit Israel. Ed and I did some 20 years ago. When we landed at Tel Aviv airport, Jews bent down to kiss the ground. There is an overwhelming feeling of national allegiance when a Jew steps on Israel's soil.

How have your political views changed over time? Have you become more passionate and political or do you kind of just ignore politics nowadays?

I am fascinated with politics. My views are far more passionate then they were when Ed and I were married. Of course, non-stop cable news coverage, which we didn't have in my formative years, has educated me greatly in the personalities and issues that affect our country. Watching the news is far more entertaining than a sit-com. When Ed and I are with a group of people, I can enter political conversations with knowledge and conviction.
I tutor several Asian students at Peck Place School. I'm amazed and a little jealous on how well versed they are in their native country's politics and history. Ask an American student about their country's history and most haven't a clue. They don't even know the names of the local selectmen who govern their town. Ed and I witnessed this phenomenon when we visited London, England. The average man on the street could list the Kings and Queens of England going back centuries. They had strong opinions on England's politics and policies. We Americans lack basic knowledge of our history and current events. I feel strongly that schools should again teach American history in the elementary grades. One Chinese boy, Ru,a 6th grader, had to do a writing prompt on the American Revolution. He didn't understand the terminology until I explained that the war was fought to gain freedom from England. Suddenly a light bulb went off. He connected our revolution for freedom to China's wars. He named battles, Emperors, dates and heroes of China's wars for independence. Wow!!

Is there anything more you would like to add about politics? Perhaps a favorite quote that is your abiding philosophy?

My cousin, Edward Klebanoff, a Democrat, who was involved in New Haven politics in the late 60's, once told me, "If you don't like dirt then stay away from politics." One day he drove his car into a stone overpass on the Merritt Parkway. It was rumored that he committed suicide.

Your Community

Some people prefer to describe the community in which they lived most of their years rather than where they are living now. What is the name of the community you would like to describe in the following series of questions? In what city, state and country is it located? What are the dates you lived there?

I would like to describe Woodbridge, Connecticut. I have lived in this rural community, on the northern boundary of New Haven for over 30 years. The state is Connecticut "The Constitution State" for its leaders wrote the first draft of the United States Constitution. Ed and I purchased a two and one-half acre of land on Fraser Drive in 1976 and began building our home. It took two years to complete. We officially became residents of the town in September of 1978.

What were the big businesses? Did you know any of the community leaders? Did you become one?

Woodbridge was a farming community. Tomatoes, lettuce, corn and pumpkins grew on acres of land known as "the flats" near the West River. Today, nursing homes and assisted living facilities have replaced the crops. There aren't any big businesses in Woodbridge. Office parks and The Jewish Community Center are the only large enterprises. I knew most of our community leaders because I was the town's Reference Librarian for 13 years. The town's First Selectman, Russ Stoddard, was in office when we settled here and resided on North Racebrook Road. He died this year at age 87. I meet our local leaders at the town's hot spot "Blue Check Deli" and on the walking trail that circles the corn fields and community gardens. I enjoy living in a town where everyone knows your name. The Lender brothers, who once owned Lenders Bagels, but sold out to Kraft Foods, originally lived in town. I believe Marvin Lender still owns a home here. However, his brother and partner, Murry, retired to California some years ago. No, I did not become a community leader but I did serve on several town boards such as our Senior Advisory Board and our Community Activities Board. I do not serve at the present time.

Were there major highways going through your town? What and how far is the next largest city? What is the nearest airport? How do people get to the airport in your town? Cab? Shuttle? Good friends?

The Merritt Parkway and its extension, the Wilbur Cross Parkway known as Route 15, runs through Woodbridge. It's a very scenic two-lane highway and is on the registry of historic highways and byways. The town line of Woodbridge abuts New Haven's town line on Amity Road and Fountain Street which is the nearest large city. The center of New Haven, where many fine restaurants and cultural attractions exist, is just 5 miles from Woodbridge's border. East Haven has a small airport with shuttle service to major airports. We wish it would expand to allow larger jets and direct flights to Florida but the town of East Haven has fought any expansion plans over the years. Ed and I use Bradley International Airport outside of Hartford, Connecticut which is about a 45 minute drive. Recently, we have flown out of Westchester Airport in White Plains, New York. Lack of parking facilities at this airport requires us to hire a driving service to take us to and from the airport which is about the same distance as the Hartford airport. Jet Blue has direct flights and lower fares to Florida from Westchester, so we prefer to fly from there.

Which public buildings do you use? The library? The municipal swimming pool? Town tennis courts? What is your local newspaper? Has you name ever been mentioned in one? Has your picture ever appeared?

I use the library quite often for anything from magazines to research to dvd's. Beecher Road School, the elementary school in Woodbridge has a swimming pool that the public can use but I prefer the pool at the Jewish Community Center in Woodbridge. Woodbridge is known for its recreational facilities which I hardly use. There are tennis courts on Center Road and a playground for toddlers which is next to the ballfields. We have two local free papers, "The Amity Bulletin," and the "Bethwood News." When I worked at the library, I wrote a weekly book review column for the "Bethwood News." After I retired, a library patron who happened to be a reporter for the "Connecticut Post" wrote an article about me which did include my picture.

Was there a heavily delineated rich side of town and poor side of town? Did they have specific names? Did you spend much time in either?

I wouldn't call it a rich side or poor side of town. Down in the "flats" as it is known, on the lower part of Litchfield Turnpike, the homes are much smaller and older than where we reside. The homes there were built before zoning rules required one and a half acre lots. As a result, the houses down in the "flats" are close together. Many of the people who live in those homes are very rich. The Perrotti family lives in the flats. They own hundreds of acres in Woodbridge as do the Luciani's who live there as well. These were the original farmers. Their descendants own garden centers and local produce stores. Very wealthy people, indeed. North Racebrook Road which leads to Fraser Drive, was once referred to as "the gold coast" of Woodbridge. But this is a misnomer for not everyone who lives in our area is wealthy although many are. Many of the homeowners are professors, administrators or doctors affiliated with Yale University. We have our share of writers as well. I do spend a great deal of time in the area around "the Flats" which is at the southern edge of town for that is where I shop for groceries or run errands - the dry cleaners, the tailors, and my hairdresser.

Do you use public transportation? Is it decent and fairly easy to use? Is it safe? How much does it cost? Where do you catch it?

I wish we had public transportation in Woodbridge but we do not. The senior center offers van service for shopping and doctor appointments. I have never used the senior van for I can still drive my own car except at night. I travel to Manhattan often, boarding Metro-North rails at the Milford depot, a short drive from Woodbridge. Once in New York, I take the public bus to get around. New York has an excellent transportation system and the price is right. I have a senior metro card with my picture on it. Each ride on the bus costs $1.00. I love it. It's easy to use and very safe. The bus drivers are the most patient people always ready to answer questions from tourists and locals.

Have you ever had any dealings with the local police or firefighters? Have you had friends or relatives on the force?

Yes, I have. One time when I was on duty at the library, a teenage boy exposed himself. I had to call the police. They handcuffed him and took him away. Another time, two young boys around 7 or 8, left Beecher Road School in the middle of the day. The police came to the library searching for them. The boys were finally found, to the delight of their parents, outside the library sitting on a picnic bench. No, I do not have any friends on the police force. A year after we moved into our home, I was outside raking the stones from the front yard. I found skeleton bones. I called the police. They confirmed that I had raked up the bones of a wild turkey.

Is there a local parade every year? Annual festival? Tourist draws?

Every September, the volunteer firemen have a carnival in town that lasts for three days. We also have a fun run through town in October. There aren't any tourist sites that I can think of that would draw out-of-towners into Woodbridge unless they are seeking solitude and serenity.

Which buildings come to mind when you think of your downtown? How would you describe your skyline?

The center of town around Meeting House Lane, is comprised of the library, the fire and police stations, town hall and The First Church of Christ. There are tennis courts and hiking trails along with a toddler play area near the center. The only building that pierces the skyline is the steeple atop the church and the cell tower behind town hall.

Where do you shop? What is the big department store in town? Do you prefer small boutiques? Is there a mall in your town? Is there a farmers' market nearby?

I drive down Amity Road to the Amity Shopping Center near the New Haven town line that has a Stop and Shop grocery store, my hairdresser, a dollar store and a Tuesday Morning retail shop. There is no mall in town. We do not have a farmer's market but we do have several small stands that sell local produce during the warmer months. They are closed for the winter. Down on a stretch of land that runs from lower Amity Road across to Litchfield Turnpike, the Perrotti's grew vegetables and pumpkins. The land has now been developed into an office park and senior housing. I prefer to shop along the Boston Post Road, a very short drive from home. Along this stretch of road, there is a Walmart, Target, T.J. Maxx, Marshall's, Trader Joe's, Lowes, Home Depot and a host of furniture stores. A wide variety of high-end stores are further up the road in Milford along with a large shopping mall. I hardly ever shop at the mall for I prefer small specialty shops. We are getting a Whole Foods grocery store soon. I only shop when I need something personally or a gift. When I was younger I loved to window shop, spending hours in and out of the car, going from store to store. Now it's just too tiring and really serves no purpose. I guess I'm no help in stimulating our economy. Ed's office is on the Boston Post Road as well.

Who is your most famous local celebrity?

The Lender brothers are famous local celebrities but they aren't the only ones. David Beckerman who owned Starter Sportswear, a 500 million sports marketing empire, lived near us but recently sold his home and moved to the shoreline with his wife RuthAnn. David coached Jim's basketball team at the Jewish Community Center. His son Brad was married to Paula Abdul. They've since divorced. Dr. Bernie Siegel, nationally known best-selling author for his books on faith, mind and healing for people with cancer, lives in Woodbridge. Dr. Siegel began his medical career as a pediatric surgeon. He operated on our son, Jeff.

Was there ever a crime spree in your town that you remember particularly well? Was the criminal caught? How did the community react? Is there much homelessness in your town? Is your community safe to walk through in the evening?

I consider Woodbridge a very safe place to live and raise a family. I don't recall any crime spree. We do have speeders who race up Fountain Streets and Center Roads but they are stopped by our police who park their squad cars alongside our country roads. There isn't any homelessness in town that I am aware of. It is not safe to walk in Woodbridge after the sun sets unless you are on a hiking trail or walking tract for we do not have sidewalks. On a nice day our roads become crowded with joggers, bikers and walkers. Drivers have to be extra diligent and observant. The deer outnumber the cars on the roads. They cause many accidents as they jump over bushes to cross to the other side of the road.

Is there a most popular park in your town? Do/did you go there?

We have "Alice Newton" Park which has a walking trail marked with blue paint. It's called the "Blue Trail." It begins on Meeting House Lane in the center of town and travels many miles south to Milford. Our lot which was the last one on Fraser Drive, abutted one of the entrances. Ed and I would walk it on a cool summer evening. We do not walk through the trail anymore. Ed prefers to jog early in the mornings usually on Sunday and although I love to walk, I cannot go the distance any longer. Another popular park is next to the ball fields and was built with donations from the Lions Club for young children. It was a favorite spot to take our grandchildren when they were toddlers. There are newly constructed public tennis courts adjacent to the park. Preserving open space for recreation is a priority in Woodbridge. Recently the town leaders offered to purchase the Woodbridge Country Club that had gone into bankruptcy fearing the land would be overtaken by mcmansions. My only reservation is that we will lose the tax revenue the club generated if it becomes a public entity. Another walking trail circles the community gardens on Center Road and Beecher Road. It's quite pleasant to take a morning walk and hear the birds chirping and smell the lovely scents that drift from the corn fields and vegetable plots.

Has any area of town been gentrified and changed very much since you were there?

Yes, the town has changed. When we moved here in 1978, the land between Amity Road and Litchfield Turnpike was farm land. Pumpkins sprawled on their vines dotting the land with orange polka dots. Now the land is all developed with office buildings and assisted living facilities. The Jewish Community Center moved to Woodbridge from its downtown location. It sits on several hilly acres on Amity Road. Several years ago our First Selectwoman, Nan Birdwhistle, beautified the stretch of road leading from New Haven into Woodbridge by planting cherry trees and yellow lilies. The plantings were free but the businesses who benefited from this landscaping had to promise the town that the plantings would be maintained. The best time to drive up Amity hill into Woodbridge is in the springtime when the cherry trees and flowers are in bloom.

What was the most popular restaurant in town? Are any areas of your town picturesque? How many parts of town have you lived in?

Woodbridge is very picturesque. I love the rolling hills and cornfields and the magnificent stately homes. In fall when the leaves are changing, Woodbridge bursts into color. I quess the most popular restaurant is Katz's Deli. It is always packed especially at lunchtime. We've lived in our Fraser Drive home for over 30 years. I've driven through other parts of Woodbridge but I prefer our area. It is close to the center of town and only a mile or so from the Amity shopping plaza. Ed and I looked at many lots and almost bought one on Ford Road near the Ansonia town line. I'm happy we didn't for the Ansonia Gun Club is in that area and one can hear the constant battering on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. I used to ride my ten - speed bike down North Racebrook Road to my job at the library. Now, at age 70, I can only peddle a stationary one.

What's the best school system in your community? What are the most popular sports? Does your town have a famous statue or sculpture? When out-of-towners think of your town - what is the attraction?

The school system is Woodbridge is very highly rated. There is Beecher Road School, the only public elementary school in town and the regional high school which enrolls students from Woodbridge, Bethany and Orange. Soccer has become the most popular sport along with little league baseball and our high school's football team. What is the attraction for out-of-towners? I'd have to say peace and fresh country air. Yes, Woodbridge is a very tranquil, peaceful place. As soon as weather permits, members of our high school tract team hit the road. You can see them running all around our town in huge groups of boys and girls. The bicyclists are out too, peddling up the hills and down the valleys. Police cars park on the grassy area between street and lawn making sure everyone has a safe trip. The one statue in town really isn't a statue at all but a small monument to our veterans which is on the front grounds of The Center building. Every Veterans Day our local officials lay a wreath on the monument and hold a short ceremony attended by any townsfolks who care to participate. I'm sorry to say I've never been inclined to attend.

Is your family buried in your town? What are the names and dates of tombstones that can be found?

No. Both Ed's and my family are buried in Jewish cemeteries in New Haven and nearby towns. There are no Jewish cemeteries in Woodbridge. There are however, several old cemeteries located on Racebrook Road and North Pease Road that date back to the founding of Woodbridge in the 1700's. School groups and historians study the old tombstones as well as visitors searching for their ancestors. It quite educational. The tombstones at these ancient cemeteries are thin, gray slabs about 2 feet tall. Women and children died young probably from disease. Only a few men lived beyond 80 years. Artists visit the tombstones to take charcoal rubbings. Historians take note of the founding elders of Amity Parish and Reverend Woodbridge from whom the town is named.

What are your special memories about your town?

I remember the first time we planted vegetables at the community gardens in the center of town. The master gardeners would advise us on what vegetables to plant and how to tend them. Many of the gardens are works of art, glorious in color and shape. One special memory I treasure is the first time I went to work at the town library. The librarians would sit outside on the picnic tables having lunch until the library opened at 1 p.m. It would close at 5 p.m. then reopen from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. In the winter, the fireplace in the front reading room would draw the patrons to pull up a wing chair, pour a cup of fresh brewed tea and settle in for the afternoon with a good book. A new modern library was built in the mid 90's but the original Federal style brick building became a central showpiece in the construction.

Your House Now

Some people prefer to describe the home in which they lived most of their years rather than the home in which they are living now. What is the address of the home you would like to describe in the following series of questions? What are the dates you lived there?

We lived at the Ray Road house for 13 years then built our present home on a two and a half acre lot at 14 Fraser Drive in Woodbridge. This is the home I prefer to describe. I finally convinced Ed that we had to look for a better school system for the children. Private school for 5 kids was out of the question so I began to search for a building lot. Fraser Drive was not even on the Woodbridge town map yet. There were eight lots on the street, only one was available. Two homes were under construction at the time. The lot had several things going for it and one negative. It was the last lot on a cul-de-sac. It was a level heavily wooded 2 1/2 acres. We walked the land noting the tulip trees, the cedars, the swamp maples and a fragrant swamp azalea. All positives. The negative? The Tennessee Gas line ran through the eastern portion of the lot cutting diagonally across a marshy portion of land. Ed and I considered the pros and cons and decided that the positives far outweighed the one negative. We completed the house in 1978 after two years of sweat construction. The house consists of 11 rooms encompassing 3400 square feet of interior space. Ed and I still live there, 31 years later. It was to be our dream house. The house was designed by a client of Ed's and a builder who was and still is a client, assisted in the construction. I took the role of general contractor. Ed thought the building inspector, George Michaels, who had a reputation of being very difficult to work with, would go easy on a woman. Ed was right. It helped that I was also an employee of the town.

Why do you like your home? What do you dislike about your home? Do you have an attic? If so, what is in it?

I like the colonial design of our home and the manner in which it is sited on the lot. The second floor overhangs the first by 6 inches and the garage has a gambrel roof, very attractive. We stained the siding a light cedar color which complements the greenery. I especially like the portico fronting the entrance into the family room. It's large and has a slate floor, a wonderful spot to sip a cup of coffee and watch the deer dining on our shrubs. A 250 foot driveway leads to the two-car garage which has a room above it which we call the studio. It is an oversized garage with two overhead remote-controlled doors and an entrance door. I love having a door that opens into the garage instead of raising the overhead doors each time you want to enter or exit. The front of the house spans 80 feet and has two entrances. The first door leads into the family room which we felt would be convenient for the children to use as it adjoins the kitchen. The second door opens into a central foyer which separates the living and dining rooms. Having the children enter through the family room kept the formal areas of the house guest neat. I dislike not having a separate laundry room which is entirely my fault. I should have told the architect that I wanted one, but I did not. The laundry facilities are in the first floor guest bathroom behind a set of folding doors. With 5 children and a dog, I washed 2 loads of laundry each day. I was embarrassed to have guests use that bathroom, it was always a mess. Now that the children have left and our dog is no longer alive, I don't mind it as much. Yes, we do have an attic. Large ductwork lay across the attic floor to heat and cool the second story of the house, so we don't use it for anything except storage. There are a few boxes that belong to the children up in the attic. I wish they would come and take them away or throw the stuff out.

What is the most comfortable room in your home? What is your favorite chair? Favorite place to read? Where do you usually sit to talk on the phone? Where do you usually do your computer work?

The studio above the garage is the most comfortable room aside from the family room with its two leather sofas. After the house was completed, we had a Yale student architect draw up the design for the studio for it was an unfinished shell. I envisioned a study with enough bookshelves to hold the many books we had, a place to watch television and a bar for entertaining. We placed a very large sectional sofa across the width of the room facing the bookshelves and entertainment unit that houses the television and audio equipment as well as family photos and nic-nacs. Centered on that wall are three sets of windows. The whole is made from honey stained oak. There is a windowseat with cabinets below the windows, a perfect spot to curl up with a book and look out the windows at the countryside beyond. On the right side of the room, we installed two skylights. All you can see is the green lawn of the backyard and the woodlands. The children had a telescope where we gazed at he moon, the stars, and all the space blanketing the earth. Because our lot has a Tennessee Gas easement, there aren't any homes behind ours, so the view of the lawns and woods are unmarred. I would talk on the phone in the kitchen, but now that we have 2 portable phones, I can be anywhere in the house or out in the garden. We finished off a room in the basement for office space. A friend of Ed's gave us a large office desk and credenza plus two chairs which I'd like to toss. We never use those chairs, they just eat up space. I hope to redo it this summer - rip up the carpeting and lay laminate flooring, then repaint the walls. We have a cedar closet down there as well. A close friend of Ed's finished the basement for us. He meant well and I appreciate all his hard work but he wasn't a professional and the wallboards were not installed properly. The walls along the staircase that leads into this office space will have to be redone.

Do you have the same furniture as when you were raising your children? Do you have the kitchen you want? How would you change it? Enough room for books? How would you change your current home if you decided not to move? What addition would you make to your house now if you could?

We do not have the same furniture from the Ray Road house. For a year, the living room and dining room remained unfurnished until my parents gave us a house gift to purchase new furniture. I enlisted the help of a designer for the furnishings in the living room: two pink velvet sofas, a round glass coffee table on a brass base on top of a lovely oriental carpet, two blue and pink stripped patterned chairs and a wonderful hand-painted chest we found at ABC Carpet and Home in Florida and had shipped to Woodbridge. My mother's piano sits in a corner near the french doors that lead out to the brick patio and gardens. I placed my grandmother's beautiful rococo chair with its elegant carved frame against a wall opposite one of the sofas. In the dining room, we bought a banquet-sized table and six upholstered chairs in a french style that I love. The table has three leaves and when it's opened to its full length, it spans 14 feet. The builder had to shorten the length of the kitchen to accommodate the washer and dryer in the adjoining bathroom, the architect's error. Ed and I have thought about adding a first floor master bedroom suite. Of course, the cost would be huge and right now we're able to climb the stairs to the second story bedrooms.

What type of trees grow on your property? Describe what your garden looks like each year and what is in it.

We asked an arborist to identify the various trees on the lot and recommend which ones to cut. I was naive. He marked the best trees, cut them down and most likely sold the wood. Gone were several maples, tulip trees and birches. What remained were swamp maples, one tulip tree, several unattractive cedars and a few pines. Over the years we have removed 11 more trees to establish a healthy lawn. I'd like to remove more, but Ed is steadfast against it. Planted on the lower front lawn is a cherry tree that blooms profusely each spring. It is not a good specimen for I purchased the seedling for very little money at a Railroad Salvage store. It has never branched out. Instead, one main leader reaches 15 feet with just a few branches. Still I'm afraid to cut it down though our gardener recommends that we do so. Gardens need at least 6 hours of sun. I spent a sunny afternoon planning where to place the flower garden. I found a sunny patch on the west side of the house which would be visible from the living room windows. The garden shape is a semi-circle with a white rhododendron as its centerpiece. I had to replace most of the flowers I originally planted for they proved to be a fine dinner for the deer. Iris clumps and pink and white astibles have done fine. Some of the pink azaleas' lower stems appeared to have been eaten this year. I've since planted several wintergreen boxwoods which I clip each spring to restrain their growth. Sunny daffodils give the garden some bright color that the deer leave alone. As soon as the weather warms a bit, I'll plant border annuals all around the edge of the planting bed. Perhaps impatiens would be a good choice. I'll need to check first to see if they are on the deer diet list. Against the base of the rear porch a hedge of fragrant pink peonies bloom in early summer. Unfortunately, their bloom time is short so I cut the stems and bring them inside to perfume the house. Two years ago, I designed a shrub border on the west side of the property next to the woodland. Large red azaleas and barberry grow within this border which I must finish this year. Since my hip replacement, I have difficulty bending on my knees. The east side of the house is all lawn. One mother's day, the boys presented me with a dwarf peach tree which we planted on the lawn. I didn't like its placement so I moved it into the rear yard and it died. A lilac bush, or small tree, blooms violet perfumed globes against the west side of the house between the two living room windows. I often raise the windows and let their perfume float in. It's the beginning of May now and the air is still chilly. I can't wait to get my hands in the dirt and plant some summer flowers if only they'd do battle against the deer.

What do you see from your kitchen window?

From the kitchen window I can see the woods beyond the green span of grass and the deer emerging from the woods to feast on the plants that rim the brick patio. But I fooled them this year, for I ripped out their favorite leaves and planted boxwood which they do not like. Only blue irises and daylillies still hold court next to the patio.

What is your decorating style now compared to the decorating style with which you were raised?

My decorating style is similar to my mother's. Federal style, mahogany and cherry woods, oriental carpets and silk floor to ceiling drapes. The family room and studio have a relaxed style with leather furniture that my father favored. I like the warmth of this style, the richness of the woods and the deep colors in the rugs. I have brass pieces that belonged to my mother displayed in the formal rooms. The hardwood floors are stained dark, which are very appealing. The floor from the kitchen to the front foyer is tiled in a deep, brown Spanish brick. It is so easy to care for and never shows any dirt. Even our bedroom repeats this Federal style I am so fond of. We have a high, four poster cherry wood bed, dresser and two nightstands with marble tops. This style warms Connecticut's cold and snowy winters. I have found that this style of furniture never goes out of fashion. I do not like Scandinavian or modern furniture. When we purchased our Florida condo, mica furniture was in vogue. Now the furniture stores are stocked with dark woods popular up north. We have redone the living room and dining room with these period style furnishings.

Have you ever had a feud with your neighbors? What happened? Is it resolved?

No never! Our neighbors are wonderful.

Tell us about your dream home. Where is it located? What does it look like? What is special about it?

My dream home is the one Ed and I built and still reside in 31 years later. How it ever got out of the ground is a miracle for we had monumental problems with the man Ed hired to pour the footings. He wouldn't show up for work. Ed had to drive into Bethany where he lived, bang and scream at his door until finally the footings were poured before winter. Ed asked a construction client for help. He sent a crew down from Rocky Hill to build the foundation for us so the framing could begin. We watched the house rise from the ground over the winter and into the spring of 1978. It was completed September of that year. Our home is a cedar-sided gambrel colonial with two front entrances, one being the main door, painted red, the other an entrance through the portico into the family room. We had to site the house a far distance from the road to accommodate the septic system. As a result, all of the utilities went underground for the house was too far from the street to string electrical or telephone wires. When cable came to town, those lines went underground too. This turned out to be a good thing for the house is not obstructed by anything but nature - woods, grass and native shrubs. I think its a beautiful house. Our neighbor, Bob Blossey, once told me that he and his wife loved to look out their front window at our home. What a kind compliment. What makes our home so special? The comfortable look of it. It's not grandiose but it's large, the entire house spans 80 feet. It has a serene appearance, peacefully sitting in the center of nature. Often I will pull a lounge chair onto the front lawn and just stare at it. Our home is our refuge tucked away in the quiet town of Woodbridge, Connecticut. A country home that says WELCOME to all who pass by. We are constantly repairing something to keep it in pristine condition. At the moment, we are having a new driveway installed. The old 30 year asphalt was so riddled with cracks and gouges, I couldn't walk or drive on it any longer. I never want to leave this house but I know the time will come when I will have to empty its contents, shut the door and not look back. That will be a very difficult day, indeed.

Any advice to your family about "homes"?

The advice I would give to our children is "buy or build a home you can afford. Don't be house rich and cash poor. Pay close attention to its location for you can alter the house but you cannot change where it is."

Everyday Life

What have been your personal landmarks in your life? (e.g., restaurant in your neighborhood, gas station, museum, barn)

The Red Barn and Blue Check Deli have been Woodbridge landmarks since we moved here 30 plus years ago. Both are located opposite each other on the corner of Amity Road and Center Road, the gateway to Woodbridge. The original owners of the Red Barn sold lovely small decorative items. I purchased a Howard-Miller chiming wall clock not long after we moved here that still hangs in the family room. After years in business, the owners retired and sold the Red Barn to an antique dealers consortium. I shopped there often for I love antiques. I bought a lovely antique oak dresser with attached swing mirror, a perfect fit for our guest bedroom. Changing hands again, The Red Barn became a gift and toy shop of the highest quality. I enjoyed browsing there for special gifts. It recently changed hands again but, to date, I have not gone inside.
The parking lot of Blue Check Deli is always packed with construction and service trucks as the drivers stop for coffee or lunch. It's a local hangout for our police, firemen, government officials and residents. The food is excellent, always freshly prepared and the conversations even better. People tack their business cards to a board outside where all kind of services can be found: painters, tree work, plumbing, roofing, landscaping - the list is endless. I stop there on my way home from work to pick up a ready-made salad or pasta dish for lunch. The deli catered a holiday party Ed and I hosted one December for the library staff. The delicious assortment of food was so artfully plated our guests were hesitant to disturb the arrangements. They are great landmarks when giving directions to our home for everyone seems to know The Red Barn and Blue Check Deli.

What grocery store do you use? How much do you usually spend each trip?

I shop for groceries at the Stop and Shop in the Amity Plaza. It's close to my hairdresser and dry cleaners so I can multitask in one trip. Now that it's just the two of us, I rarely spend more than $60 each trip. However, I've noticed that I spend more each trip and bring home less. Food costs have risen dramatically in the past few months. I never buy a weeks supply of anything except sundries like toilet paper and toothpaste. By car it's a 5 minute drive to the store. I might buy larger amounts when the weather is predicted to be especially bad so I won't have to drive in the snow or rain. Of course if the grandchildren are coming to visit, my grocery bill is greater, usually $90 to $100.

Favorite drug store? Know your pharmacist by name? Favorite drycleaner? What's your favorite book store, hardware store, cookwares store?

Walgreens', down the road from the grocery store, is where I get my prescriptions. Ed likes to pick up some candy there to satisfy his sweet tooth. I used different dry cleaners until I discovered American Cleaners on Amity Road. Everything is done in house. They wash, starch and hang Ed's shirts and they do a beautiful job. My favorite book store is The Woodbridge Library. They have all the current bestsellers and plenty of DVD's and non-fiction titles. I usually go to Home Depot for hardware supplies but I use our local ACE Hardware, too. I like the personal service I get there and I don't have to push a cart up and down aisles to find what I'm looking for. I never shop for cookware items for our son-in-law Jay is president of a fabulous catalog and Internet store called "The Cooking Enthusiast" where I can get anything I need. His items are of the highest quality and last forever.

Are there birds or squirrels in your yard? Raccoons or deer?

Yes, there are birds, squirrels, deer, raccoons, wild turkeys, an occasional skunk and red fox. Cars stop on North Racebrook Road to let families of wild turkeys cross. They are everywhere. Raccoons toppled our trash cans until I asked our refuse company to come into the garage to pick up the trash. Grey squirrels scurry up the trees in the yard and used to jump on our bird feeder until I had to take it down. A wood frog has made his home in a hole in a swamp maple tree in the front yard. The grandchildren like to peek into the hole and check on him. The deer are a huge problem. Yes, they are graceful and beautiful but they rummage through the gardens snacking as they make their way back into the woods. I've waited so long for the flowers to bloom and as soon as the buds swell, they're gone, chopped off at the stem. I try to scare they away but they just stand steadfast and continue chewing. And those wild turkeys! I can hear their sounds early in the morning as a whole family, perhaps as many as 10, come wobbling across the lawn, pecking. They make the funniest noises. At least they have enough sense to run when they see me, unlike the deer. We had garden snakes last summer come into the garage and coil themselves underneath our freezer. I was afraid to walk into the garage and get into the car - I DON'T like snakes, even the garden variety. I used to remark to our First Selectman how disappointed I was to never see a deer in our yard. Now I realize why. We had JJ, our little white dog, who could bark up a storm. Now that he's gone, the yard is filled with roaming deer.

What time do you get up in the morning?

I can't sleep late in the morning, believe me, I've tried. I rouse at around 5 a.m., sometimes 4:30. It's no problem when I am home. The problem arises when I sleep over at my children's homes. I don't want to awaken them, so I'll tip-toe downstairs and start preparing my breakfast. Gayle and Diane have a TV in the bedroom where I sleep so after breakfast I'll crawl back into bed and watch TV until they get up. I haven't slept at Jeff's in a long while. When I did, I'd take a walk on the beach or go around the corner to the pick-up-store and get my coffee.

What part of housework do you dislike the most? Do you have a housekeeper or a handyman?

I dislike washing floors, having to move furniture and carpets, wait for the floor to dry then put everything back again. We have central vac in the house, so I'll just plug in the hose and suck up all the grime. Yes, I have two women who clean for me every other week. They have worked for me two years now, yet I still have to leave a note as to what needs attention in the house. Ed says no one can ever meet my requirements so just be happy with what they do. He forgets they are not cleaning our house as a favor, we're paying for it and at a hefty price, I might add. We have a man who fixes things for us but he's not a handyman. He and his partners are skilled craftsmen, master carpenters. Doug, Rob and David remodeled our kitchen, retrofitted our master bath with a hand rail in the shower, new wall tile and floor tiles. They will stop by to repair anything for me, all I have to do is ask. Because of their care, we can remain in our large home, at least for the time being. Jonathan will drive over and repair things for me. He recently cleaned the garage and installed new doorknobs in the family room. I've asked him to repaint the iron railings by the front door. I hope he hasn't forgotten.

What's your daily routine?

I get up around 5 a.m., brush my teeth, then head downstairs to the kitchen. Ed is in the shower. By the time he comes downstairs, I have prepared my breakfast of coffee and a bagel. He leaves for the office, I wish him a good day. After breakfast I take my pills, then head upstairs, crawl back into bed, watch a little TV until it's time to bathe, dress and drive to school. I work from 8 to 12 most days. Two days a week, I leave at 12:30. I have lunch at home unless I meet friends at a restaurant for lunch. After lunch, I head down to the basement office and check my e-mail. Then its upstairs to my bedroom where I change out of my work clothes and lie down for a short nap. Around 4:30, I'll call Gayle to see how the children are. Abby will pick up the phone and talk with me. She's 7 and really likes the phone. I have to ask to speak with Sophie who is 5. She never has much to say but that will change, I'm sure. I don't speak with Gayle every day, perhaps twice a week. I'll catch up on the laundry, then watch the news until it's time for dinner. Ed doesn't come home for dinner during the week, only on weekends. Sometimes my friend Bunny will invite me over for dinner. She knows Ed's routine and doesn't like me eating alone. I retire for the night around 7:30 p.m. but I don't sleep. I'll read in bed or watch HGTV's "House Hunters." I'll watch cable news and Larry King at 9:00 and then I fall asleep to begin my routine the next morning all over again.
In the summer months I am outdoors most of the day either gardening or visiting friends. And I'll bed down later in the evening for I can sleep late the next morning.
Monday, Wednesday and Fridays from 11 to 12, I take a gentle aerobics class at the Jewish Community Center. My cousin Mickey and I have lunch together on Fridays which I look forward to all week long.

Is there someone you talk with everyday?

I talk to Carolyn and Gayle but not every day. Carolyn is more into e-mailing me which I try to answer right away. I speak to Jeff and Jim but not as often as the girls. As soon as the warm weather comes, Jeff will be very busy at his hot dog stand and Jim and Diane will head for the Cape. I hardly ever hear from Jonathan unless he has a problem, then he will call. I wish my children would call me just to ask "how you doing, Mom?" I talk to Ed everyday, sometimes twice a day if I've forgotten to tell him something. He carries a cell phone but rarely turns it on which is so upsetting when I need to speak to him right away.

Talk about getting older. Do you ever feel slowed by age? When did you start feeling this?

Age has not slowed my gait at all only the distance is a little shorter. People look at me and know I'm old. I don't feel that way about myself even when I look at my reflection in the mirror. I am shrinking, that I know. Every year it seems I've lost a half an inch. But I'm not bent over although I have osteoporosis. Aside from my hip surgery, I've felt no pain when climbing stairs or riding a stationary bike. Turning 50 was far more difficult for me than turning 70. No, I don't feel slowed by age, why? am I old?

How did you spend your time outdoors? How do you spend time outdoors now?

Ed and I would walk long distances. He runs marathons. He thinks nothing of going for a three mile walk. When we moved to Woodbridge, Ed decided it would be fun to walk to the center of New Haven which was about 8 miles. Before we started out, we asked Gayle to pick us up when we called and drive us home. We walked down North Racebrook Road, turned left on Center Road until we reached Amity Road. Then we followed Amity Road downhill until it joined Whalley. Walking straight down Whalley we finally reached the green and downtown New Haven. Those days are gone now, at least for me. Ed still runs weekend mornings.
I tend my garden, prune the shrubs, tidy up a bit. I'll take a walk around the neighborhood or hop in the car and drive over to Gayle's house in Madison where I'll join the children out in the yard. "Push us on the swings, Bubbe, push us please."
I like to sit on the patio in our backyard and read. I have skin cancer so I can't stay in the sun too long even though I'm smothered with sun bloc. I love to walk along the beach. I do that early in the mornings when we visit Jeff at Nantaskett Beach in Hull, Massachusetts. His house is a short stroll from sand and surf. This past winter was quite harsh, lots of snow and cold temperatures. I don't like to be cocooned in the house for long periods of time, that is why I like to work a few hours a day. My mind stays active and my body gets moving.

Do you have heirloom quilts? If so, who made them?

I have two quilts on the twin beds in the guest room but they are not heirlooms.

Do you keep old photos and take many pictures? Who was always the photographer in your family? What kind of camera/s do you have? How do you feel about the new digital photography?

I have boxes of photographs in the cabinet underneath the windowseat up in the studio. I took Ed's old family photographs and mine, framed and matted them, then displayed them on beautiful wood ledges in the studio. Some are very old, around the late 1880's. A few I had to have repaired. I had a 35mm camera but purchased a Sony Cibershot digital camera to take pictures at Emily's Bat Mitzvah. I must have left it on a table or at the hotel for I searched the house and can't find it. Ed promised to buy me a new one. I just can't get the hang of taking pictures with a digital camera - you have to hold it away from you which I have trouble doing. I want to add photos to this autobiography but I don't know how. I'm hoping the boys will do it for me. We need to have a family picture taken and I'm hoping to do that at Brianna and Edina's Bnai Mitzvah in September. The beach would make a beautiful backdrop If we can get all 18 of us together for the shoot.

Do you lunch with friends? Who and how often?

Yes, I lunch with friends. The other reading aides and I have lunch on the Boston Post Road about every month or so depending on our personal schedules. I'll meet Bunny and Barbara at Chips Restaurant, also on the Boston Post Road every now and then for lunch. My cousin Mickey and I have lunch after aerobics class on Fridays. Now that Helen is back from wintering in Florida, I'm trying to set a time to lunch with her. She has a packed schedule, she's such a social person it's hard to pin a day down. We are having breakfast together May 17th. My friend Irene, who recently moved to New Jersey after her husband died, will join us. I'm looking forward to it very much.

What is the first thing you see in the morning when you awake? What is the first thing you do in the morning? What routine do you have before you go to bed at night?

The first thing I see in the morning is the back of Ed's head. He sleeps on his side facing away from me. I get out of bed and use the bathroom. Then I'll go downstairs to the kitchen while he showers. I have somewhat the same routine at night. I use the bathroom, then crawl into bed and watch TV or read until I fall asleep.

Are there other aspects of your daily life that you would like loved ones and others to know about you?

My children know I nap in the afternoon so they wait until early evening to call. They all know I'm up at the crack of dawn and I retire early in the evening unless Ed and I are going out. I think they know what my daily life is like, at least they should by this time.

What are seven things you want to do before you die? What are seven things you cannot do? What are seven things you like about your country? What are seven things you often say?

There's only two things I want to do before I die. I want to take a trip with my children and grandchildren, all together. The second thing I want is my husband-I want him to come home for dinner, I want to do things with him during the week and not just on weekends. I like everything about the United States. I feel so blessed to have been born here in this country. The things I often say? "I love you." I say it so often to my children and grandchildren they are probably tired of hearing it. It makes me feel good to say it and I want them to know it's true. I love them dearly.

Habits

Are you usually late or early?

I am usually early. My children know this very well. If I tell them I'll probably arrive around 9a.m., they anticipate seeing me at 8.

Are you more comfortable speaking or writing? Do you enjoy talking on the phone more than writing letters?

I am much more comfortable writing my thoughts down rather than speaking off-the-cuff. Yes, I do enjoy talking on the phone to friends and family as long as the conversation is relevant. I just can't talk aimlessly about nothing at all. I gave book reviews for community groups when I worked for the library. I enjoyed this aspect of my job and wasn't nervous at all.

Do you have any superstitions?

I'll avoid walking under a ladder, but I'm not a superstitious person. When I was pregnant with our first child, someone tossed a small box at me. I thought my mother-in-law had gone mad for she screamed "Don't throw anything at Rhoda, you will harm the baby." I found out later that throwing something at a pregnant woman is an old Jewish superstition.

Do you have certain days of the week you do certain chores?

I water the plants Sunday mornings and I try to catch up with the laundry on Saturdays. I'm so tired when I get home from work, I just can't face chores during the week. I only work part-time, still walking for 4 hours around the school building tires me out. I just want to get home and relax. I have hired help with housecleaning twice a month. Although it's only the two of us roaming around such a large home, it still needs keeping up, especially the kitchen and bathrooms. The two women who clean our home where angels sent from heaven when I broke my arm and had hip surgery. They changed the linens on the bed, did the laundry and brought my lunch upstairs to me.

Do you eat your meals at the same time everyday? What do you most often eat?

Yes, I have breakfast around 5:30 for I need to be at work by 8 a.m. and I must leave time to shower and dress. Lunch is anywhere from 12:30 to 1:30 depending on what errands I do after work. I usually sit down to dinner around 6:30. I dine alone. Ed does not come home for dinner but for an occasional Saturday night during tax season and Sundays the remaining months. I feel cheated for I still have my mate and I love to cook. It has been this way even when the children were small.

Do you sing in the shower?

I don't sing in the shower or anywhere else. I can't carry a tune!

Do you garden? Vegetable, flower, herbs?

Yes, I love to garden. I've planted a semi-circular bed of flowers and small pink azaleas on the west side of the house and I'm proud to say, that the young lilac I planted 20 years ago has, at long last, bloomed. I have been influenced by the master gardeners in Woodbridge and the garden books I ordered for our library's collection. Years ago, I planted antique rose shrubs by the side of the rear porch which bloomed pink and white fragrant buds once each spring. However, I soon discovered they required more care than I had time, besides they attracted tons of bees. Climbing rose bushes clawed their way up the east side of the garage nearly to the roof but I had to pull them down when the house needed painting, so they are gone now, too. We have a gardener who mows and fertilizes the acres of lawn. Ed did it originally, but it took a whole Sunday afternoon and I wanted to do other things like take a Sunday drive. I am very fussy about curb appeal. I want the foundation plantings to be kept tidy, pruned and fertilized and the rhododendrons clipped within bounds. My adversary are the deer. They have eaten one-third of the rhody's and every flower bud except for the peonies. They have left those alone to bloom glorious in late spring. Jimmy, our gardener, has replaced many shrubs with boxwood, a plant the deer detest.

What is the first thing you usually do when you come home from work?

The first thing I do when I come home is change out of my work clothes into something more comfortable. A close second is getting the mail which is usually delivered late in the afternoon.

Do you play the lottery? Have you ever won?

I play the lottery on occasion. I'd rather go to the casinos an hours drive away. I like to play the slots but I've never been a big winner and I've never won more than five dollars on a lottery ticket. I guess I'm not a lucky person. Ed and I went to Las Vegas a few years ago. The van driver who took us to the airport for our trip home turned to everyone in the van and asked "anyone a winner?" Not one hand went up. "I didn't think so," he said "only the house wins."

Have you ever been addicted to anything?

Yes, I've been addicted to cigarettes.

Do you have a habit you'd like to break?

Yes. I'd like to sleep a little later in the mornings for I've developed a habit of rising at 5 a.m. Because I get up so early, I'm drained and ready for bed at 7. I'd like to shift this pattern so I might enjoy the evenings with Ed. I do stay up later if we have plans for a movie or late dinner. Still, I'm up before dawn the next morning. I should have been a farmer's daughter for I'm well suited to very early morning chores.

Have you ever smoked cigarettes?

If it was easy to quit, I would. I've tried many times over 40 years to throw the cigarettes away and never buy another pack. I guess I'm weak for I still smoke though not as much. I make a pack last two days.

Are you a list maker?

Absolutely. I keep a magnetic pad on the refrigerator and when I think of something I need, I jot it down. I make a grocery list and stick to it at the store. I make a list of errands I need to do. I make a list of the people coming to our holiday dinners so I can set the table the day before. I have a permanent list of our children and grandchildren's birthdays and anniversaries. I also keep a list of our friends' special days, too. It's the librarian in me to be so organized.

What is your bedtime ritual? Do you read before going to sleep or watch a late-night talk show?

I wash up, brush my teeth and slip into my nightgown. Two or three books are usually on my nightstand which I pick up and read until 7 p.m. then I turn the TV on. I'll watch cable news or the Hallmark channel. Sometimes I'll fall asleep and miss the show I wanted to see. I can't stay awake to watch a late night show. I'm up so early in the morning.

Do you do crossword puzzles most every day?

Yes, I do crossword puzzles and word search puzzles nearly every day. On my way home from work, I'll stop and pick up "The New York Post" just for the word puzzle in the paper.

Where is the desk in your house? What do you usually do there?

My son-in-law Jay bought an antique slant top desk for me, bless his heart. It's against the wall nearest the kitchen in the family room. I keep personal papers and correspondence in the divided slats and also a monthly remembrance book filled with birthday and anniversary cards. Two small drawers hold address labels and stamps. The desk has a narrow top where I've placed a framed photograph of my parents. I hope Jay knows how much I appreciate his gift. I have to pull the chair out a good distance so I can open the writing surface. What do I do there? Pay bills, address cards and THINK!

Is there somewhere in town you stop every day? Every week?

I don't shop every day, perhaps every third day I'll stop at the grocers for lunch or dinner. I don't like to stockpile food for it spoils before I use it. I only purchase what I need for a few days.

Do you make New Year's resolutions? Did you when you were younger? Did / do you ever keep them?

I did make New Year's resolutions, but not in a long while. What's the point if I can't keep them?

Appearance

Describe what you look like now. Have you been happy with the way you look? What did you look like as a teenager? As a young child? If you had to name a famous person whom you looked like, who would it be? Who would you most like to look like?

Let's see. What do I look like? I look just like my mother but shorter. My hair is salt and pepper grey and curly. I keep it cut short around my ears and at the nape of my neck. I shampoo it, comb it and I'm done - it curls up by itself, very manageable. Brianna, my 13 year old granddaughter is taller than me. I stand about 5 feet. Twenty years ago, I was 5 feet 2 inches but I've shrunk. My eyes are a brownish green and my face is wrinkled, but not that much for 71. I just had a facial, my first. I've scheduled another for although I was apprehensive at first, I really enjoyed the relaxation and my skin feels so smooth. This was a birthday gift from Diane and Jim. I weigh too much for my height, around 130 pounds and my stomach bulges. My hearing has lessened to the point where I wear a hearing aide in each ear. I also have psoriasis mostly on my elbows and on my scalp. I get steroid shots to kill the scales. I think I was attractive as a teenager, at least the boys thought so. As a young child, I had long dark hair that my mother coiled around strips of cloth so when my hair dried, I'd look like Shirley Temple. I can't remember when my hair was cut. I'm sure I cried for my hair fell down to the center of my back. I don't look like any famous person, I look like me. I'm happy with the way I look. I did try to dye my hair when it first turned grey but I'm allergic to the chemicals in the dye. Besides, it's very expensive and you have to redye often. My hairdresser likes my grey hair, so It has stayed natural. The children at school wanted to know how old I was. I told them to guess. When they said 50, I congratulated them for being right.

Has your appearance played an important part in your getting along in the world? Do you think it's been detrimental or beneficial?

It's not just your appearance that matters, it's the way you dress and your personal hygiene. Yes, my appearance did help me in the workplace, in my professional life. I try to buy clothes that enhances what God has given me. I bathe often, my hair is clean and neatly coifed and I like to wear perfume and makeup when I go out in public.

What is your best feature? Your worst? Do you have any birthmarks or scars that differentiate your looks absolutely from anyone else?

My hair used to be my best feature. I wore my dark hair shoulder length swept back at the sides. It was thick and curly. Now of course it's short and grey but still curly yet not as thick. I have no birthmarks but I do have scars. Thankfully they are not on any exposed part of my face or body.

Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, did you end up doing it? If not, why not? In all truth, are you vain?

I have never considered plastic surgery. Our daughter, Carolyn, had her nose done a few years ago. She met me at a restaurant and was so disappointed that I hadn't noticed the difference. I had a skin tumor removed from the nose. It left a deep indentation. The doctor suggested plastic surgery. I declined. I've had enough probing and cutting on my skin.

What would you change about your appearance? Do you wish you were taller or shorter?

I wish I were taller, 5 feet 3 inches would be perfect. I have 3 inch heels but since my hip surgery I find I cannot wear them for any length of time. When Ed and I dance together, my head lays against his shoulder. It would be nice if I could lean against his cheek.

Do you remember getting your first suit and tie? Your first pair of nylons and heels?

I remember silk stockings. They weren't panty hose, you pulled them up like a sock except they went up the thigh and I secured them with garters. There was a dark seam up the back which I had great difficulty keeping straight. I kept looking at the back of my leg to check the seam. I felt so sexy in those stockings. The high heels were really high, open-toed with a strap around the ankle. My feet ached for days but like the saying goes "no pain, no gain."

What is your family look?

I look like my mother's side of the family and my sister, my father's side. I wear my hair short as my mother did when she turned grey. I once met a friend of my mother's years after she had died. "I can't believe how much you resemble your mother," the woman said. "I had a sudden jolt when you walked in." I have the Hevenstone nose, a little too long but straight. My father's nose had a slight bump so I'm happy not to have the Heller's nose gene. My waist has broadened over the years just as my mother's had. She always complained about her skirt size, large to fit her waist, too large for her slim hips. I don't have that problem for my hips have widened as well as my waist. My mother's father, David, stood only 5 feet 6 inches and my grandmother Ida was short too. I remember my mother being around 5 feet 4 inches which is a grand height for a woman. I never reached that height. The tallest I've ever been is 5 feet 2 inches. My father had thick, wavy hair, his best feature which he handed down to me. He never went completely grey just some white strands on top of a wave, the rest a little darker, nearly brown. My low forehead comes from my mother's side of the family. I wish my hairline was higher but you get what you get, no changing that. I definitely have my mother's skin for I'm constantly fighting blackheads as she did. Her dressing table held all manner of serums and creams to remove wrinkles and blackheads. My vanity holds much the same type of creams. I haven't found one yet that lives up to its claim.

Have you ever had any facial hair? Did you try different styles of mustaches and beards? What is the natural color of your hair?

Not being a man, I've never styled a mustache but I do have facial hair above my upper lip. I shave it off with Ed's razor which he warns I shouldn't for it will make the hair grow thicker, according to him. I've tried Nair. Can't stand the smell so I'll continue to use the razor technique.

Is there something you remember particularly well that you wore in high school or college?

Yes, I bought a dress for a college dinner dance that had a sweetheart neckline and a skirt made of gold satin. The bodice was black velvet. I fell in love with it on the rack and once I slipped it on, I felt beautiful. It cost more than I had so I put the dress on lay-away until I had enough money to bring it back to the dorm. I only wore it twice, once to the dance and the second time to a wedding.

What fashion trends have you seen come and go? Do you prefer traditional clothing or eccentric dress? Did you have long hair in the sixties?

I remember the sack dresses. I liked that style for I could wear them when I was pregnant or not. The style went out of favor quickly as most fad styles do. I prefer traditional clothing, they never go out of style. I still wear clothes that I wore when I worked as a Librarian. A good sweater and finely tailored slacks have staying power. I never cared for mini skirts, I don't have legs I'd want to show off. Besides, I dress my for my age. I'm not a young thing any more. In the 60's I wore my hair shoulder length whipped back off my face. It was a great style for me but required blow drying and curling irons. I had weekly appointments at the hairdresser. Now I keep my hair short, wash it and wear it. It curls up naturally, just a quick combing and I'm done.

For women, what color lipstick do you use, eye shadow, nail polish? For men, do you like wearing ties? Have you ever worn hats? For both, what jewelry do you regularly wear? What type of shoes are you partial to? Have you ever had to wear a uniform? Have you ever had piercings or a tattoo? Where?

I prefer a dark lipstick with a touch of brown in it. I find it highlights my beige skin tones. I only use eyeshadow for special occasions which can be green or gray. My nails are always polished in off-white lacquer. I'd love to wear red polish but I find it chips easily, the off-white is less noticeable. I've never worn hats except at the beach to shield my face from the sun's rays. I wish I had a hat face but I do not. My sister-in-law, Sandy wore hats all the time. They were stunning on her, I was envious. Ed bought me a diamond drop necklace that I never remove and a diamond tennis bracelet which I wear all the time. I would change these pieces but I have trouble with the clasp for I have arthritis in my hands. My ears were pierced when I was in my 30's. A doctor friend did them for me at the Bethany Pool Club one afternoon. He brought his medical case, sat me down in a lawn chair and pierced three women's ears all on a Sunday afternoon. I soon learned I had an allergy to nickle. I bought a gaudy pair of costume earrings. The next day my ears swelled like a balloon. The doctor said "gold or plastic from now on." I chose gold.

Do you tan or burn?

I tanned and burned and peeled and oozed for I spent summer days on the beach. No one heard of sun bloc. I used greasy sun lotion and had a beautiful tan that lasted well into October. As a result, I have skin cancer. Dr. Savin checks my skin, especially my face, on a regular basis. I've had skin tumors removed and have the scars to prove it, one especially deep scar on the tip of my nose. I could have gone through skin grafting but chose not to. My son Jeff, who lives at the beach, bought a large sand umbrella for me. I make sure I have plenty of sunscreen on before I venture outside.

What preventive measures do you take to ensure good health?

I try to keep active. I walk a great deal, around school and outside. I take pills for high blood pressure and cholesterol. I go to the gym, lift weights and take gentle aerobic classes.

Do your children look like you or your mate?

James looks like Ed's side of the family. Jeff and Jonathan have my family's traits. Carolyn looks like me. I started to collect pictures for my autobiography when I came across one taken when I was 37. My granddaughter Molly glanced at the photo "Is that Aunt Carolyn?" . "No, Molly," I answered a little taken aback, "That's me." I hadn't seen the resemblance as pronounced as in that photo. Carolyn just turned 41. Gayle is a a definite mixture of Ed and me. I found a photo of my mother when she was 6. My granddaughter Abigail, Gayle's oldest daughter, looks just like her. Abby is 7.

Is there an old item of clothing that you cannot make yourself throw away?

I wish I had saved my wedding gown. I didn't throw it away, my mother must have given it to a thrift shop. My niece Rebecca wore my sister's wedding gown when she married and I thought it was such a wonderful way to tie the generations together. The gown required only a few nips and tucks to fit Rebecca's slim figure. My daughters probably wouldn't have wanted to wear my gown anyway, so why am I remorseful after all these years?

Someone's appearance is so important in our society. Do you have any comments about this? Why do you think we place such an emphasis on looks? Who do you think has the best, most confident attitude about their body and appearance?

I had my nails done the other day and the young lady told me she was a model in New York before she married and moved to New Haven. I always thought models led a glamorous life but I found out they starve themselves and some are on drugs just to keep their weight down. Yes, our society seems to idolize thin, beautiful women and handsome, youthful men. My attitude is you have to be happy about your appearance even if you are overweight for beauty is really only skin deep. It's the person inside that matters, not the packaging.

Grandparenthood

Where were you when your child told you that you were going to be a grandparent? What were your first words?

Jonathan and Nancy were living together but not married. They came over on a Sunday afternoon and gave Ed and I a baby frame, no picture yet. Nancy thought she was pregnant. It turned out she wasn't. Nancy had a little girl named Annie from a previous relationship who I considered our first grandchild. After they were married, Nancy became pregnant with Max. I don't remember where I was when I heard the wonderful news or what I said, it was 15 years ago. I know nine months seemed like an eternity. I just wanted to hold that baby in my arms.

Who called you from the hospital to tell you your first grandchild was born? What time was it? Who was the first person you called?

Jonathan called from the hospital to tell us Max was born. I called Ed right away and then my sister. We drove over to the hospital to see our new grandchild and to check if he was all right. Nancy's first child was born with muscular problems which affected her hands and legs. Max was fine.

What did you think the first time you held your grandchild?

I thought he was the most beautiful baby in the world and I couldn't stop kissing him. I still can't. I just bought him an electric razor for he is starting to get a little fuzz.

Were you able to go over to the house much and help out with the new baby? Did you cook dinner for the new family for awhile or bathe the baby? Did you stay over or come and go in the mornings and evenings? When did your grandchild first say your name? Were you at your house or at the child's house? What do you grandchildren call you?

Yes, I drove to Cheshire as often as I could. I didn't want to make a pest of myself. Nancy had a baby carrier. I slipped little Max inside and Annie and I took a walk to the shopping center so Nancy could rest. I never slept over. Eight days after Max was born, Nancy and Jonathan had his bris, or circumcision. I called every day to see if Max was okay. Nancy and Jonathan took very good care of his little surgery and Max was fine. Ed and I bought a crib so we could take the baby if his parents needed a break. The grandchildren call me "Bubbe." Max called me "Bub." We are known to the grandchildren as "Bubbe" and "Zayde" the Jewish term for grandmother and grandfather. When Max first called me "Bub" I can't recall.

Did you ever make anything by hand for your grandchild? A needlepoint pillow? A wooden toy? A quilt?

I knitted a darling sweater for Emily, our second grandchild. It had yellow ducks on each side of the front. It's amazing how grandmothers think alike. I bought several items for Brianna, Jeff's first child after her adoption. Amy's mother bought almost the exact same things. Plaques with her name, receiving blankets, a cute dress and other items.

Did you buy things for the baby often? Did you baby-sit often? What toys do/did you keep for the grandchild in your own home? Do you enjoy taking your grandchildren out for dinner? Were they monsters or angels?

Yes, we bought things for the grandchildren when they were babies. Then we had nine, so we had to limit gifts to birthdays and special holidays. We changed one of the bedrooms in our home into a nursery complete with crib, changing table, pampers, toys, baby monitor, and a rocking chair. Two of our sons live in Massachusetts. They would not visit often if they had to bring all the things a baby needs with them, so we had everything here. We added a high chair, stroller, car seat and baby bath tub. I loved having the grandchildren spend weekends with us. I remember the day Annie and I went to lunch. I think she was about 5. I stopped and picked up a bunch of flowers that we carried with us to the restaurant. I wanted to make our lunch together very special. It turned out to be a lovely day for both of us. Ed enjoys taking the grandchildren out to eat. They behave very well for us, not so well when their parents take them out to eat. I think Ed likes to show them off.

Have you ever taken your grandchild on a trip with you? Were you satisfied with the way this trip turned out? Do you bring souvenirs to your grandchildren when you travel without them?

Yes. The second week in July of 2005, Ed and I took Shainna and Max to Florida with us. It was their first experience flying. We choose Jet Blue so the children would have TV diversions for I anticipated the worst. My fears were unfounded for they loved flying. Shainna got out of her seat to use the bathroom without hesitation as if she were a seasoned traveler. The weather was hot and sticky. So what? It's hot and sticky in Connecticut, too. I don't think Shainna and Max had ever been to our condo in Boca Raton. We put them in the quest room which has twin beds and adjoining bath. On July 15, Max's 11th birthday, we drove over to Publix's supermarket to select a birthday cake of his choosing. That evening our friends joined us for a birthday celebration at Bostons Restaurant at the beach in Delray. Each carried a gift for Max and Shainna. I glanced over at Max. His smile told volumes. The children swam in the pool, went out to eat although I cooked breakfast and most lunches at home. We took them again in July of 2007. This time we booked ourselves into the Nickelodeon Hotel in Orlando for two days. We intended to visit Universal Studios before returning to Boca but Max and Shainna did not want to leave the hotel. They were having such a wonderful time. We are taking them again this July. We will return home one day before Max's 15th birthday. Nancy wants her son home on his birthday so we will celebrate a day early on July 14 then pack up and go.
In Italy last September, I bought all the children tee shirts at a Florence open-air market. How could I know Molly and Emily hated glitter. Abby and Sophie loved the sparkles on the shirt, of course they were only 4 and 5 at the time whereas Emily and Molly were in their pre-teens. We bought Max an adult male size, he's grown so tall.

How would you discipline your grandchildren differently from the way their parents do? What do they do that drives you crazy? How will / would you have fixed that?

I would not discipline the grandchildren. I would, however, raise them to respect their elders, including their parents. It seems that the grandchildren's focus is all about them, what they want, what they think they need. When they are here visiting us, they are well behaved and very respectful never argumentative. I see this in school everyday. I will be speaking to a teacher, the child approaches and interrupts, demanding attention. "Go and sit down," the teacher says, "Can't you see I'm speaking to Mrs. Lemkin." When I am with the grandchildren at their homes, I keep my mouth shut. I never want to interfere with the way my children raise their children. As the saying goes "Ed and I have been there, done that." If my children ask my advice, I'll give it. If they don't ask, then I keep quiet. Ed has more of a problem staying in the background for he was the strict parent, I the pushover, the softie.

Do your grandchildren ever come to spend the night with you? How do you spend those evenings?

Oh, yes. They have all spent the night or several nights at one time or another. The playroom is in our basement with toys and games. They would put on a show or prepare dinner on the toy stove. I'd just be a spectator to their imaginings. We had a Chanukah party 2 years ago. There were 10 children, 8 of ours and 2 guests. The children wanted to have a sleepover in the studio on the long sectional. I brought extra blankets and pillows and some snacks upstairs to them. Abby was 4 at the time. I didn't know if she'd make it through the night without missing her mom. The TV must have been on all night long, for I shut it off when I checked on them the next morning. Edina found the bowl of pistachio nuts I had put on the counter of the bar. The next day there were shells everywhere, on the floor, under the cushions of the sectional, in their pajamas, even their hair. The children couldn't stop talking about the wonderful time they had at Bubbe's house.
I find I can't care for them alone. I need Ed's help. He's great with the kids, I just wish he would spend more time with them, they grow up too fast. The oldest grandchildren, the 12, 13,and 14 year-olds, don't like to sleep over. There really is nothing for them to do here except watch TV, or work at the computer. Besides, they have their basketball and soccer games, dance lessons and friends. And I go to bed early, they are used to staying up late on weekends. Yet I love having them under any condition.

Do your grandchildren look like your own children did as babies? Is their temperament similar?

There is a family resemblance with some. Abby looks like her mother, Gayle, and is as energetic. Sophie has her father's temperament, calm and easy-going and looks like an Alpert. Mollie is definitely Jim's daughter. Emily looks like my mother for whom she's named. Brianna and Edina have their own looks for they are adopted. Max and Shainna look like their mother's side of the family, the Schneiders.

Do you ever miss the days when you had babies of your own?

I'm glad those days are behind me. Five children, three in diapers, constant food shopping, daily laundry, childhood diseases - do I miss it? No!!!

What presents have you given your grandchildren over the years? What cherished heirlooms / memories would you like to leave them?

It was so long ago that we bought them toys and things, I've forgotten the gifts we gave to each one. We give them gift cards now and let them buy what they choose. I've thought about cherished heirlooms and whom I'd like to leave them to. I do not want to hurt any of my children's feelings. If they would like to have something left to them, I wish they would tell me. I wear my mother's ring, a beautiful diamond in a very unusual setting. I thought I might will it to Emily seeing she was the first granddaughter named for my mother. But then there is Edina, also named for my mother so I'm in a dilemma. Shainna is the only one named for Ed's mother, Sally. Perhaps I'll give her my mother-in-laws art deco jewelry that I've saved all these years. I'm not ready to make any decisions but I know I will have to itemize each antique, each piece of magnificent jewelry, the antique sterling silver flatware, the depression glass or perhaps I'll put Gayle in charge of the distribution. She has a unique business sense and will make wise choices.

What have you taught your grandchildren?

I've told them to share the toys and games with each other. Molly already knew that. Her motto is "caring is sharing." I leave the teaching to their parents. The loving and spoiling is a grandparent's job. I never buy them anything their parents would not want them to have though.

What do you fix your grandchildren to eat when they come to visit you?

I keep macaroni and cheese mixes in the pantry and kosher hot dogs in the freezer. The little ones love to eat lox and bagels for breakfast where the older ones prefer eggs. I try not to keep sugary junk food in the house because their mothers do not want them eating any of that stuff and no soda except for Max and Shainna who love root beer. All the children will eat pasta but Brianna prefers butter and garlic on hers instead of sauce. She is my fussy eater.

How are your grandchildren on the phone? Are they fairly communicative or do you have to coax the words out of their mouths?

Abby who is 7 now has begun calling me. I do wish the others would too. There is no greater joy than hearing your grandchild's voice on the phone say "Hi Bubbe." I just melt away. This is as good a time as any to tell you about Annie and Jack. It was August 7th, 1999. I was sound asleep when the phone rang. When I picked it up, I heard a child crying. "Annie is that you?", I asked. The phone went dead. It wasn't long after when Jonathan called, his voice cracking to tell us that Jack had died. Jack, six weeks old, dead? It couldn't be. I asked him if Annie had called me. Jonathan said no but I couldn't get that child's voice out of my head. Jack slept in Annie's room. I could never understand why this baby didn't sleep with his parents. It was a horrible night. Jonathan called 911, the police came, then Child Protective Services. Ed and I rushed to Bristol Hospital. Jack had died of SIDS. Jonathan and Nancy were so distraught, questioning themselves, full of guilt when doctors could not make them understand why their little boy died. I held this dead, cold, beautiful child in my arms and rocked him to sleep. There was the funeral and then the shiva period and then the questions that had no answers. On the stone that marks his grave Nancy and Jonathan wrote "the piece that's missing." Annie no longer lives in the home. When she was about 13, she went to live with her biological father. She is probably 17 now. I miss her, my heart aches for Jack. And my arms comfort Max and Shainna, the siblings left behind. Jonathan threw the crib away in anger and frustration. Then he had a vasectomy. I begged him not to do it, to wait a little while. He would not listen. Hearing from the grandchildren is so important to me and Ed, too. I know they lead busy lives but I want to hear their voices.

What television shows do you and your grandchildren watch together? Have you gone to the movies together? A play? A circus? What are some of your best memories of time spent with your grandchildren?

The younger ones watch those cartoon channels and the older girls, Hannah Montana. I don't want to watch their shows, but do I have a choice? Ed and I have taken them to the movies when they are here on a visit. Annie and I went to New York to see "Beauty and the Beast." We both enjoyed it. We've taken them to the Orange Carnival which is held every August. Of course, that was long ago, before Jeffrey moved to Hull and opened his hot dog stand. We've had great fun together, fond memories.

Have you kept their school artwork for safekeeping?

Abby and Sophie will bring pictures over that they made and put them on the refrigerator. I still have a few pieces of artwork our children created: a Passover dish Gayle painted in Hebrew school, a cement relief Jim made of his hand. There are several boxes in our attic that might hold our children's artwork but I haven't looked through them. Perhaps someday they will come over and take them down, then take them home to their attics.

How does family life differ for your grandchildren from the way family life was for you / you and your children?

Their lives are different in so many ways from the lives of our children growing up. Now there are computers and cell phones and Wii. Their days are packed full of outside activities whereas our children stayed home more, made up their own games, used their imagination, read books. We are separated by distance, far different from when Ed and I raised our family. Both sets of grandparents, Uncles, Aunts and Cousins lived in close proximity to one another. Family life was a united affair. It's not that way today. Months go by before we see one another. I think Ed and I had an easier time, there were less distractions, more emphasis on family life. I don't think one was better than the other, just different.

Do you ever sense that your grandchildren are not especially eager to visit you? Why or why not?

Yes, I do sense that. There is nothing for them to do here. I remember when Emily spent a weekend with us. She was around 8. I was having breakfast when I heard her steps on the stairs. She came over to me, "Bubbe," she said, "I have nothing to do." "How about having breakfast," I answered.

What is the best part of being a grandparent? The worst?

The best part of being a grandparent is loving them. I don't have to worry about their schoolwork, their schedules, their daily routines. I just enjoy being with them. And after they fill me up, they can go home. There is no worst part of being "Bubbe."
My mother wrote a poem titled "Grandmothers" when she was in the Jewish Home for the Aged a year before she died. It goes like this:

"A grandmother has a lovely way
of bringing joy to every day
By finding thoughtful things to do
To show the love she has for you...
She always seems to understand,
She always lends a helping hand,
She's someone special, someone dear,
Who's loved more with each passing year...
A grandmother is so many things,
It's hard to describe the joy she brings,
She's a wonderful blessing from above...
For, most of all, a grandmother is love.

And here is a poem I wrote in 1994 for publication

"Just Bubbe and ME"
On Monday Bubbe dashes to dance class. Later, she dives in the pool.
On Tuesday she serves food to the hungry. The homeless call her their jewel.
And on Wednesday, Bubbe play mahjong, a Chinese tile game with three lady friends.
Thursday she shops and shops. I wonder how much money Bubbe spends.
Friday Bubbe has no time. She cleans and cooks all day.
Hurry Bubbe, hurry. The Sabbath is on its way.
She walks to synagogue on Saturday, her restful day to pray.
But on Sunday Bubbe drives to my house in her bright red Chevrolet.
I hug her tight, she hugs me back and lifts me on her knee.
Then we spend the day together, just my Bubbe and me.

How easy is it for you to resist telling your children how to raise your grandchildren?

It's very easy for I've learned to wear "beige." That means I keep my opinions to myself. It's not my job to raise my grandchildren. I do tell them to listen to their parents. I listen to their parents as well.

Which is better - being a parent or a grandparent?

Being a grandparent, without question. There is nothing better except perhaps a great-grandparent.

What are your wishes for your grandchildren?

I want my grandchildren to be happy in whatever they choose to do with their lives. I want those lives to be productive, to make the world a better place. I want them to know how perfect they are and how proud I am to be a witness to their journey.

What one thing would you like to be sure they remember about you?

I want them to remember my face and my voice. I want them to know that whatever involvement I had in their lives, It was out of the greatest love know to man. I don't want them to ever forget that I once lived among them, and wherever I am, I will be looking over them guiding their way.

Travels and Leisure Time

What did you always like best about the weekends? Did you have a usual routine?

Ed was home with me on weekends, at least on Sunday. I liked that. We could do things together as a family. The children had Hebrew School Sunday mornings so I left the afternoons free for them to relax or visit with friends. My routine changed depending on the children's schedules. The boys played basketball at the Jewish Community Center in New Haven, Carolyn had her gymnastic classes and Gayle joined the cheerleader squad for the JCC basketball team. The children had friends' birthday parties on the weekends and if we were free from any of these obligations, we climbed into the car for a weekend drive.

What do you like about weekends now? What do you like least?

I enjoy being at home alone to catch up on household chores like laundry and grocery shopping. Saturday nights Ed and I take in a movie or dine at a local restaurant although I prefer to cook dinner for the two of us. It happens so rarely. There is nothing I do not like about weekends now. Sometimes, Ed and I will take breakfast over to Gayle's. Being with Abby and Sophie is an added bonus.

To what cities in the United States have you traveled? Do you have a favorite vacation spot?

I've been to or through so many cities it would be impossible to list them all. I liked the hills of San Francisco and the country feel of Brattleboro, Vermont. I love to take the train into Manhattan. It is my favorite. New York City is the greatest city in the world. I've been to several towns that make up Cape Cod, Massachusetts in addition to Needam and Hull where our sons live. Ed and I have traveled out west to California, Arizona, Utah and Colorado. We've been to Las Vegas, Nevada where we tried to get lucky but failed. We often take a drive through the Litchfield Hills to Kent, Connecticut. We park the car and walk around the main streets ogling the gracious, stately homes that line the center green. If I had to choose a favorite vacation spot, it would be right here at home. The air is fresh and filled with the sweet smell of newly mowed grass and nearby farmlands. Even in winter when the wide expanses of land are covered with snow, there is a sense of rocking chair peace.

To what foreign countries have you traveled? What cities? What were some of your favorite cities and why?

I have been to England, Israel and Italy. London is a favorite because my grandfather lived there before he crossed the Atlantic into Canada. I've been to Nova Scotia, Canada where my cousins Ray and Elaine live and to Bermuda on a cruise ship. I'd love to do that again. In Jerusalem, Ed and I visited his cousins who live in Bayit Vegan, a very orthodox Jewish community. The apartment where they live is so different from American multiple dwellings. The rooms were very small, especially the kitchen and they hang their clothes out to dry flat against the outside of the house. While in Israel, we went to Yad Vashem where the victims of the Nazis are listed. My father-in-law wanted us to find his murdered relatives. We arrived to find the museum closed for repairs. What a disappointment. We were in Haifa, Israel's main port city, at the same time 6,000 Navy men from the USS Nimitz and the USS Dewey were on shore leave. While in Galeo, we took a public bus to an Ethiopian absorption center. The Director explained the frustrations the staff had in orientating the Ethiopians to toilets, ovens, showers and beds with linens and pillows. One highlight of this trip was at the Syrian border where we encountered the United Nations border patrol who explained the perils of travel in certain parts of Israel without Army guards. I'd love to go again but I am afraid. Ed and I, along with Richard and Helen hopped into a taxi to go to the movies. By mistake, we had flagged down an Arab taxi. Just by the way the driver spoke to us, we feared for our lives. However, we arrived at the movies safely but decided to take an Israelie bus back to our hotel. I have traveled throughout the northern part of Italy from Rome to the hill towns of Umbria to Florence, Venice and Milan. I loved the architecture of the medieval towns of Assisi, Perugia and Sienna and the doors to the homes in Florence. I think I took hundreds of pictures of those magnificent arched wooden doors. The people of Italy are so friendly and helpful and the food is to die for, so fresh and tasty. Lake Como, on the Swiss border, was especially breathtaking as were the hills of Judea in Israel. I wouldn't mind living in Florence for it is a more modern city, the men are very handsome and the women are beautiful and thin despite the abundance of great Italian food and wine. I can't pick a favorite for each had its own unique characteristics. Ed and I spent an afternoon in the Jewish Ghetto of Venice. It seems that no one actually lives there anymore except the very old, like me. I wouldn't want to live in Venice because traveling from one part of the city to another is difficult and must be done by water taxis. The apartments, at least the older ones, do not have elevators. One young woman in Florence told us of the huge problem she faced. She was getting married in a months time and she had to find an apartment for her grandparents. She located one but it was on the fifth floor and her grandmother could not climb the stairs. I was appalled by the graffiti everywhere in Rome, even on the lightposts. I would consider returning to Italy to visit the southern areas but the plane ride is extremely long, nine hours. My legs ached all during the flight and I do not like to walk up and down the narrow aisles while the plane is in the air except to go to the bathroom. England had the advantage of not having a language problem but converting from dollars to pounds was a challenge. Ed is very good at monetary exchanges being an accountant. He always looked in his hand to check the change he was given and pointed out the errors to the clerk or waiter. We traveled on tours throughout our foreign trips except for Nova Scotia where Ed rented a car. I never want to do that again. We would be on a road and suddenly it ended at a body of water. I braced my feet against the dashboard for I thought we'd end up in the lake. We learned that you must honk your horn at the end of a road and a ferry will come and take you and the car across to the other side where the road continues. The only problem we encountered with traveling to foreign countries was the metric system. How do inches compare with centimeters and liters and grams to pounds and gallons? I bought a linen tablecloth for our dining room in Israel. I intended to buy one that was 160 inched long. I ended up with a cloth that barely covered one-third of the table.

Do you vacation with certain people or is every vacation different?

Most of the time we travel alone on a tour vacation. You meet so many interesting people. We took an elderhostel sponsored trip to San Francisco which we enjoyed very much because of the information and non-tourist places they take the group. We traveled to Israel with our close friends, Richard and Helen Ross who were also celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. We left May 19, 1985 on a 14-day TWA tour. We were to return home from Paris on TWA but for some reason, the plane left without us, so we took a PanAm flight back to the United States. One morning Ed came down for Sunday breakfast. He turned to me and said "Let's go to Italy." We had talked about going to Italy for a long time. I called our friends, the Listros and asked if they would join us. John and Barbara traveled to southern Italy for John has family there. They agreed. I was so excited for they are dear friends. It's very important to travel with people of like minds, people who enjoy the same things you do or the vacation could turn out to be a disaster. We booked a Collette tour and departed September 26, 2007 for nine days. I would not take an Italy tour again. Too many churches and not enough time to really immerse yourself with the country and its people. We begged off of the planned tours in Venice and Florence. These days were the best part of our trip for we met the local people, had dinner in real Italian restaurants and spent time just walking around the cities, stopping where we wanted to when we wanted to. It turned out to be a great vacation. I'd travel with Barbara and John again anytime.

When your children were growing up was there a favorite spot? Tell about a typical family vacation or two.

We took our children on day trips during their summers off from school. Ed was busy with his tax season during their February vacations so I traveled alone with them. We went to Disney World in Orlando, Florida one year and to Paradise Island in the Bahamas another year. On this trip my mother went with us. I drove a large station wagon big enough for five children to squeeze into the back seat. There weren't any seat belts at that time so they could crowd together without any separation. Our favorite family spot was the beach, any beach. The children loved to swim and play in the sand. One such day trip was to the beach in New London, Connecticut where Gayle wandered off from her sand castle. When the security guards asked me to describe what she was wearing, I couldn't remember. Ed and I were in a panic for the beach was so crowded that day, we feared our daughter was forever lost. The guards did find a little girl calling "mommy" and crying. It was our Gayle. Once Jim started to play on a little league baseball team, most of our weekends were spent at his games. We drove down to West Haven afterward for hot dogs and clams at Jimmies of Savin Rock. I'm sure we took the children on many weekend jaunts, I just can't remember them all. I loved traveling with the children. They were such good company.

Have you ever camped?

No, I have never camped but I'm sure the children have. I prefer a clean hotel room with all the amenities for I don't like "roughing it."

Is sitting around a fire one of your favorite things?

Not if there are bugs. I went to a bonfire built on the beach in Woodmont in celebration of July 4th once. That is the only time I can recall sitting around a fire.

Have you always been glad to get home?

Yes, I'm always anxious to get home from a trip. I remember a trip Ed and I took to Niagara Falls one weekend after Jeff was born. My mother offered to care for him so Ed and I could celebrate our 2nd anniversary which was in August. Jeff was born in May. I must have called home 20 times that weekend. It wasn't a relaxing trip for all I could think of was our baby. I couldn't wait to get home.

Have you ever taken a trip alone? Did you like that?

Yes, I went to our condo in Boca Raton, Florida for several weeks by myself. No, I didn't like it. I rented a car and drove from the airport to Boca then drove back to the airport for my flight back to Connecticut. Thankfully, friends of our, the Fasulos, were in Florida at the same time. They spent a great deal of time taking me here and there so I wouldn't have to fend for myself. Jackie would drive to Boca, pick me up, then we'd go out on John's boat along the intercostal waterways. They were such wonderful people. John died years ago but Jackie still winters in Florida. She's a much more independent person than I am. I do not like to travel anywhere without Ed except to our children's homes. I'll drive to Needam myself but I haven't made the trip alone to Hull.

Do you remember going on trips with your parents? Where?

My parents preference for a vacation was to book rooms at a resort where food and entertainment were included as well as children's activities. We went to the Catskill Mountains and to Moodus, Connecticut. My dad loved to eat and these resorts served three kosher meals each day. I liked to paddleboat on the lake and play simon-says on the lawn.

Did you ever take a train trip?

I ride the rails all the time into Manhattan. I've never gone any great distance on a train. While Ed and I were in London, we took a train down to Dover than a hovercraft over the channel to Calay, France. We had the opportunity to continue by train to Paris but decided not to. I'm sorry now we made that decision. I'll probably never see Paris and put my high school French classes to the test.

Did you ever sleep in a train's sleeper car?

No, I never have but I imagine it would be fun, uncomfortable but fun.

When was the first time you flew in an airplane?

I can't remember the first time I flew on an airplane but I remember the company. It was People's United Airlines. I flew that line because it was a low cost carrier and had direct flights to Florida. Ed and I avoid changing planes as much as possible. I've heard stories of people missing their connections and having to spend hours or even days at the airport waiting for a flight.

Do you enjoy flying?

Yes, I enjoy flying very much. I think it's one of the safest modes of transportation. I can't take a long flight, four to five hours in my max.

Do you have other thoughts or memories you would like to share about travel or leisure time?

I would strongly encourage my grandchildren to travel abroad. The world is shrinking and one can learn so much by being in a foreign country, intermingling with the people who live there. Safety, of course is a prime issue and money, too. Our granddaughters Brianna and Edina, age 11 and 12 at the time, wanted to take an April school trip to Athens, Greece. I thought it would be a great opportunity for them and we would have contributed to the cost but then the economy went sour and our pocketbooks. I hope someday they will go.

Where are places in the world you would still like to see / which you had been able to see?

I'd like to see more of the United States, the plains states, the mid-west, New Orleans. Yes, I'd like to go to New Orleans. Elderhostel offers a very popular trip there but the dates always conflict with either a Jewish Holiday or Ed's work schedule. Perhaps, someday we will make it. I guess we'd better do it soon while we still have our health and energy.

Vehicles

What are you driving now? How many years have you had this vehicle?

I am driving a 1998 Toyota Rav 4. I bought the car brand new eleven years ago. I will need a new car for I've put 156,000 miles on this car and will most likely purchase another Rav 4.

When did you get your first car? Did you buy it yourself or did your parents help you?

I didn't have to buy my first car for my father had a used car dealership. Any car parked in our driveway was mine to drive once I got my license, of course. I was 16 when I got behind the wheel and drove for the first time alone.
Ed and I bought a Chevrolet Impala from my Uncle Norman's Chevrolet Dealership in Branford. This was the first time either of us had a brand new car. I have to admit I was very nervous behind the wheel driving such a beautiful automobile. Yes, we paid for the car with our own money. My uncle sold it to us at dealer's cost. We would not have been able to afford the car otherwise. We couldn't wait to show it off so one afternoon we drove over to my in-laws. We were a block away when a car coming through the cross street slammed into us. No one was injured, but our brand new car had dents, bruises and scratches on the passenger side. We sued to get the insurance money to repair the car. This was before no-fault insurance.

What was your absolute most favorite vehicle purchase?

My absolute most favorite vehicle purchase was a 1988 Honda Civic because Ed insisted I obtain financing for the car on my own with my credit history. He thought it important for me to get a loan from a bank in case anything happened to him. I could then borrow money if I needed to in the future. He was so right. I tried to buy a television set from an appliance store. Although I was working, the store would not offer me financing unless my husband's name appeared as co-signer. I refused to purchase the set under those circumstances. I went to three banks and none would give me a loan for the car. Finally, on my fourth try, the bank president took me into his office, filled out the loan application and approved the amount of money I needed to borrow. I found out later that this bank president was a client of Ed's.

How much did gas cost when you got your first car?

I believe gas cost seventy-five cents a gallon. This was when we were living in Westville in the mid-60's. This past summer, I paid $4.00 a gallon. Now it has dropped to $2.30 and rising again.

What color was your first bike? When did you get it? Who taught you to ride a bike?

I believe I got my first bike at around 8 or 9. It was red with a white basket strapped to the handlebars and had a bell. My father would hold onto the seat as I tried to balance and peddle, then he'd let go. I fell many times, had bloody knees and elbows and then, at last, I learned to ride all by myself. I would peddle along the sidewalks down to the stores on Whalley Avenue. I had to walk the bike home for the hills were too steep to ride.

Did you ever have a motorcycle?

I never had a motorcycle but my father did. It had a large padded seat just behind his. I remember him telling me that his motorcycle was just like the ones the police used. I climbed up, grabbed tight to his waist and off we went. It was great fun and frightening at the same time especially when he went around corners and over bumps in the road.

Have you ever had a vanity plate? If so, what did it say? Why?

I never had a vanity plate. The cars I drove in my teens had "dealer" plates. Ed and I have the normal license plates issued by the Motor Vehicle Department.

What is your dream car? Did you ever own one? If money were not an issue, would you still buy it?

Parked in our driveway of my parents' home was a red Alfa Romeo, a sports car with two soft-as-a-baby's-skin black leather seats and a floor stick shift. My father let me drive it to Hamden which was 5 miles away. I didn't know how to use the clutch properly. I pushed it down to the floor all the time I was driving and as a result, the clutch burned out. I knew something was wrong by the strong burning smell but nonetheless, I kept that clutch floored until I got the car home. I knew how to drive a shift car. I don't know why I thought this foreign car would be different. My father must have been angry but I don't remember him yelling at me. I never drove the car again.

Who taught you to drive? Did you learn on a stick shift?

My father taught me to drive on a stick shift. He began taking me for short drives down Colony and Bellevue Roads where the streets were fairly level. It was so thrilling to make the car do my bidding. I remember him telling me "stay to the side of the road and not in the center." Because of my short stature, I had a difficult time seeing out the window and keeping my foot on the gas peddle at the same time. I practically stood and drove. My mother took me out one or two times but I made her very nervous. Uncle Norman did his share of driving instruction by insisting I drive along Whalley Avenue in heavy traffic. Learning to shift and step on the clutch simultaneously took months to master which I never did. There was always that grinding noise when I shifted gears. And then the day arrived when I had to drive uphill, stop midway, let the clutch and the gas peddle out just enough to hold the car from slipping back, then resume the climb. I panicked when the car began to roll backwards. It was Uncle Norman who suggested I pull up the emergency brake until I was ready to drive the car forward again. Ed has a shift car. I will go far out of my way to avoid hills. My father insisted that he be the one to drive me to the motor vehicle department to take my driving test for he knew most of the inspectors. I passed the test on my first try. He was elated for now he had an extra driver to accompany him to the car auctions in upstate New York.

How old were you when you got your first license?

I got my driver's license at 16. I had been driving with an adult in the car at 15. I could never take the car to go joy riding. It had to be for a specific purpose like to a friend's house or to the store.

What were some of the political or funny bumper stickers you put on your car?

I never had a bumper sticker on any of the cars I drove.

What do you listen to when in your car? Radio, tapes, CDs....want quiet?

I mostly listen to CBS news on the radio. Sometimes I'll play a CD. I don't like to drive without something to listen to. The only time I turn the radio off is when I have a passenger with me to talk to while driving.

Do you have a license to drive anything other than an automobile? A plane? A motorcycle? CDL for truck driving?

No, just a passenger car.

Do you feel you're a good driver? Are you an aggressive or a defensive driver?

I'm a very good driver. My father used to say I drove like a truck driver which was a compliment. He thought truck drivers were the best people on the roads. I can't stand being stuck behind a slow driver on the highway. They cause the most accidents because other drivers are anxious to pass them. I'm not an aggressive driver. I'm always looking out my side-view and rear mirrors so I'd have to say I'm a defensive driver.

Do you have problems driving in the winter? Have you ever been in an accident? What is the fastest you have ever driven?

I don't mind driving in the snow for my car is 4-wheel drive. Ice is another story. I panic every time I have to brake, fearful that I'll slide into another car or veer off the road. Yes, I've been in several accidents, never my fault. Either I've been rear ended or hit on the passenger side by someone who didn't stop at a stop sign. I admit to having a heavy foot on the gas peddle, always going a little over the speed limit. The fastest I've ever driven is 65 on I-95 which is the speed limit. Ed, a slow driver on local roads, often goes 70 on the highway. When I tell him to slow down, he says he's just keeping up with the traffic. I hate to drive in Florida. When the other drivers see a gray-haired woman behind the wheel, they immediately want to pass, regardless of my speed.

Do you eat while driving? Talk on the phone? What other tasks do you perform while driving?

I never eat or talk on my cell phone while driving. Connecticut has a no cell phone while driving law yet I see people talking on their phones all the time. This law just isn't enforceable. Never mind talking on the phone while driving, how about texting while driving? Two senior boys from our high school died because the driver was text messaging while driving on the Wilbur Cross Parkway.

Do you enjoy road trips? If so, tell about some good times!

The phrase "out for a Sunday drive," was written for Ed. His idea of a vacation is to drive for hours, only stopping to eat and use the bathroom. I don't mind a short drive if we have a destination, but I do not enjoy driving for hours far from home then having to drive hours back again. The children would fidget in the backseat which annoyed Ed but I understood their boredom and discomfort. The only road trips we take now is to visit our children and grandchildren or to New York City which is only an hour and a half drive.

Do you remember when interstates were built? How did that change things?

The Connecticut Turnpike, built in 1958, was renamed The Gov. John Davis Lodge Turnpike in 1985. Originally it was a two-lane toll road that went from the New York state line to the Rhode Island state line. There were numerous accidents and horrific traffic congestion and so the tolls were eliminated. Lately there is talk of reinstating some of the tolls to generate money for the State. I hope that doesn't happen. It is the slow down to the toll booths and backed up traffic that caused the accidents. Segments of the turnpike were widened to four lanes beginning in the 1960's and renamed I-95. On June 28, 1983, the Mianus River Bridge in Greenwich collapsed. William O'Neill, our governor at that time, initiated an $8 billion program to rehabilitate Connecticut's highways. Reconstruction of the I-95 corridor in Connecticut is an on-going menace for Connecticut drivers. When I drive on I-95 to get to Gayle's, there are always some construction barrels narrowing the lanes and tying up traffic. I don't like to drive on the highway but it's the shortest way to get to her house. The highway brought new malls and shopping districts to our towns which are easily accessed right off an exit. Yale New Haven Hospital is built next to the highway and many new restaurants have located nearby. New Haven has a beautiful harbor district known as "Long Wharf." The highway cuts through the center of it which is unfortunate. Developers would like to see the harbor area become a bustling tourist haven with shopping and dining spots along with up-scale housing. The problem - what to do with the highway? Someone didn't have any foresight.

How could motorists be more courteous today?

Motorists should slow down. Why do they have to drive so fast, anyway? Lane changing drives me crazy. Ed and I had an accident on I-95 near the Mass. border because the driver behind us thought he could pass us to get in front but there wasn't enough room. It would be wonderful if all drivers were courteous, but they aren't. It's most annoying to exit a store's parking lot and be stuck there waiting for someone to slow down to let you onto the road. I will do that. Some drivers nod a thank you, others don't show a hint of appreciation.

Moods, Attitudes and Philosophies

Do you like rainy days? What do you do on them?

Yes, I like rainy days. I hear the drops against the skylight in the family room. I smell the clean, fresh scent of the wet earth and I think of all the chores I can accomplish on a rainy day. If it's a day that I don't have to go out, I can stay in my bedclothes. It's also the perfect day to lounge around or take a nap.

As an old dog, have you learned new tricks?

Yes, I've learned many new tricks from my grandchildren and the children I teach at school. They have shown me how to surf the Internet, how to open an attachment on my email and how to operate all the new technological gadgets that weren't around when I was a child. I just bought a digital camera and took two pictures all by myself. I'm very proud of this accomplishment.

What heroic attributes do you have? What not-so-heroic-at-all attitudes do you have?

I hope I have heroic attributes whatever that means. I know I'm not very brave in a dangerous situation. I was a real estate agent for a short time in the early 70's. I was showing a client a multi-family house on Dwight Street in New Haven near the campus of Yale University. A student was walking along the sidewalk when two black men pushed him down to the ground and grabbed a radio out of his hands. I should have tried to stop them, hit them over the head with my pocketbook. Instead, I just stood there as if frozen until the police arrived. I guess I'm not that heroic after all.

Would you say you're a doer or a procrastinator?

I'm definitely a doer. I can't push something aside to take care of at a later time, I have to do it that minute. Ed says I'm very impatient. I admit to that fault if it is a fault. I keep a list on the refrigerator of tasks I need to do and check off those that have been completed. Ed's car had a flat tire. He asked me to buy a battery-powered tire pump on my way home from work so he could inflate the tire and drive the car down to the tire store to have the tire replaced. He inflated the tire three weeks ago. The car is still in the garage and the tire has gone flat again. I would have gotten a new tire that very day.

Would you say you're blessed? How so?

I am very blessed. I was raised by two loving parents, surrounded by uncles, aunts, cousins and a younger sister. I have been privileged to have many loyal friends, a loving and supportive husband, five wonderful children and eight grandchildren who lift me up when I am down. My home has all the necessities for a comfortable life plus several non-essential items such as a condo in Florida, and an apartment in New York City. There is plenty of food in the pantry and refrigerator, more books than I'll ever have time to read, clothes for all seasons in my closet and a lovely home I wish never to leave. I have very few health issues and require no assistance to take care of myself. I will be 71 at the end of June yet I get up every morning and go to work for four hours which leaves the rest of the day to enjoy. I consider my life very blessed for I do not want for anything except my mother. I feel so odd saying that. She died 20 years ago, yet I miss her so.

Did you ever follow instinct instead of logic or judgment?

I would say I follow both instinct and judgement. Sometimes I have a gut feeling that if I do this of that, everything will turn out fine. Once I've made a decision, I debate it logically and usually stick with my instinct.

Have you been able to trust your instincts? What do your instincts tell you?

My instincts told me it was time to move out of New Haven in 1976. Ed preferred to remain in our home on Ray Road and give New Haven schools another chance. I reported on the deficient schools elsewhere in my autobiography. I knew my instincts were right so I forged again. Ed did not go house hunting with me. He said if I found a house I really liked, only then would he see it with the agent. None of the homes met our requirements so I began looking at lots in Woodbridge and found the perfect one on Fraser Drive. The rest is history. I do trust my instincts. I believe women rely more on instinct than men who must rationalize every decision. At least that's the way it is with Ed. He can be very stubborn at times.

Are you afraid to cry?

No, I'm not afraid to cry. I find with every year that passes, I am more in control of my emotions. I would cry if I were scolded, I'd cry if my feelings were hurt, I'd cry when Ed and I had an argument and I'd cry while watching a sad scene in a movie. I admit to being a very emotional person. There is nothing wrong with showing your emotions for humans are not made of stone. I've only seen Ed cry once and that was at the funeral of his closest friend, Steve. I cry when I laugh too much at a very funny joke. I usually feel better after a healthy cry.

Are you a pretty good fighter? Physically, with words, or something else?

I'll stand my ground, with words not fists on issues I feel passionate about.

What makes you angry? How do you handle being deeply upset? What behavior can you simply not tolerate?

It makes me angry when someone lies or tries to defraud me. I cannot tolerate a person who feels superior or is condescending to others. I have been in the company of some high-ranking people; a University President, an acclaimed author, a Mayor, a Supreme Court Justice, a world-renown Journalist - not one of them made me feel inferior. They behaved like ordinary folks and were gracious and cordial. I can't stand a braggart. There is something wrong if a person has to "blown his own horn."

What are you like when you're sick? Do you like being taken care of or left alone? Have you ever had a bad diagnosis?

I like Ed home if I'm very sick otherwise, I prefer to be left alone. No, I've never had a bad diagnosis except perhaps for my hip replacement. That was my right hip. The doctors said my left hip will need to be replaced soon. I'll put the surgery off as long as I can. It is bothering me, I feel pain in my left hip but I can still walk with the help of Advil.

Do you consider yourself hard working or lazy? Are you patient or impatient? Do you consider yourself a Type A or more kicked back personality? How has your personality and temperament changed through the years? Any special circumstances where you changed because something dawned on you?

I'm definitely a Type A person. And I admit to being very impatient which I try to tone down when I'm out with friends for I know it annoys them.

Are you a jealous person?

No, I don't think I'm a jealous person. I've lived long enough to know that material things and wealth do not make a person happy and outward appearances are just a disguise to hide the truth that lays inside. So I'm not envious or jealous for things other people have that I don't.

Do you have a tendency get the blues? Did anyone else in your family? Does there seem to be a dominant personality trait in your family? Worriers? Hypochondriacs? Constantly happy?

I don't get the blues but I have a tendency to worry about things I have no control over. My mother was the same way and it used to annoy me when she fretted over little things. I find myself doing the same thing so I guess it's a family trait. My children can attest to this worry trait of mine for they have told me, so many times, to pick my battles and try not to worry so much.

Are you easy or difficult to get along with?

I believe I am easy to get along with, at least I try to be. I get along very well with my co-workers and try to, with family members although sometimes it's a challenge. Our son and ex-daughter-in-law are now planning my granddaughters' Bnai Mitzvahs. They have agreed to 25 guests per family. Our immediate family numbers 18 and theirs only 8. I felt this was not an equitable division but it was an agreement our son made with his ex so I let it be. I'd rather get along than cause a rift in what should be a happy occasion and who is or is not invited isn't the point anyway. It's about my granddaughters' special day.

What character trait have you seen in someone else that you might like to emulate?

Our sons Jim and Jeff are very easy going. I don't know who they inherited this trait from, nothing seems to rile them. I'd like to emulate that part of their personality.

Would you rather live near the mountains or lakes? Are you a city mouse or country mouse? Do you like to be alone?

I'd like to live near the ocean. Just looking at the sea relaxes me. I live in the country and enjoy life here yet I love New York City and wouldn't mind living there either. The city has everything anyone could need or desire within walking distance. It's perfect for a senior citizen where there are so many people to help and you are never alone.

How private are you? Do you live with an open door policy or is your home your private sanctuary?

I enjoy company as long as I am prepared for them with enough food in the refrigerator and the house picked up. I like to be alone, too like today writing my autobiography.

Do your friends call before they stop by? Should they?

Yes, my friends call before they drop by to make certain I'm available. I remember, years ago, visiting my cousin Anita. I'd just ring her doorbell. She didn't know I was coming and it never seemed to bother her. People don't do that anymore for obvious reasons. I might catch them at a bad time.

Do you read your horoscope in the paper? Have you ever gone to a psychic?

Yes, I read my horoscope every day and my children's too. The predictions never come true.

Whom do you confide in, or do you keep your troubles to yourself? Whom do you call for comfort?

I confide in Ed. He usually knows what to do and how to do it. He is a realist thinker. Somehow my troubles do not seem as bad as I thought after talking them out with him.

Who comes to you with their troubles? How do you think you help them?

Jonathan wear's his heart on his sleeve. He comes to me with his troubles and to his father. I'm glad he does. Family first, always. I will listen, let him vent all he wants, then together we will find a solution. He is under a great deal of pressure - no job, future is bleak, two children and a wife to provide for. "Jonathan, the wheel will turn." I want him to be prepared when it does. I'd like to see him retrain his skills, get certified in a field, so when the job market opens up, he will be a sought after candidate. In the meantime, Ed and I are ready to help, financially or otherwise.

Looking Back or 20/20 Hindsight

What were your favorite years? What were your favorite ages?

It's nearly impossible to choose my favorite year but I'll try. The year Ed and I were married was a favorite year for we were embarking on a whole new life together. I'd never lived with a man other than my father so a sense of discovery was on my horizon. The year our children were born was also a favorite year for I had delivered new life into the world. The year we moved into our very own house was another favorite. We painted the walls a color of our choosing and decorated it as we pleased. Our children grew up in this house and I matured as a wife and mother of five. There were many other favorite years as well. The year our children married and formed a family of their own. The year our grandchildren were born was another favorite. I guess all of my 70 years offered favorite years of varying intensity and sweetness. If I had to pick one, it would be the year I became Ed's wife.

What are the important dates in your personal history?

The date I was born, June 30, 1938, which was my first step into this journey called life. Another important date was my graduation from college, a first for my family, May 1960. The date I became Ed's wife, August 13, 1960 and immediately began a family of little Lemkins. An upcoming date, August 13, 2010, my 50th wedding anniversary which will be shared with my husband. And a date in the future, unknown to all but God, the date of my death.

What do you think other people think of you? Do you think they see you the way you really are?

I hope they like me. People would have to live with me to see how I really am.

What was the hardest thing that you ever had to do?

The hardest thing I ever had to do was attend my infant grandson's funeral and try to console his parents which is ongoing.

What has been the angriest that you've ever been? What did you do about it?

I can't remember a time when I was so angry that it is embedded in my memory.

How have you seen prices change over the years? Have you had a struggle being able to afford the things you want and need? Have you ever felt wealthy?

Prices have continually risen during my lifetime. I often tell my children what a movie cost when I was a child and the tuition my parents paid so I could attend college. I try not to do that for it only makes them feel miserable about the living costs today. Of course salaries are much higher now, too. I've never had to struggle to afford things that I wanted or needed. Ed has been a wonderful provider for me and the children. I don't feel wealthy but that is my nature not to spend money on anything I really can live without. I am wealthy by income standards and I know if I wanted some extravagant item, Ed would buy it for me.

What was the first funeral you attended? How did it affect you? What was the last one you went to? Are they getting easier or harder?

The first funeral I attended was my Bubbe Heller's. As I walked into the funeral home and made my way toward her casket, my knees shook and tears rained down my face. I wanted to die too, for how could I go on without her? The last funeral was for my cousin Marvin who suffered from lung cancer and was at last, pain free. Funerals are getting easier because I've been to so many. I cry at some, others I can't even force a tear. My mother's was the most difficult for me. I ache for her still. It's not so much that she died, everyone has to die at some point. I just want her to come back to life so I can remake the last year of her life, to erase the guilt I feel. When I see her in heaven, we will have a heart to heart talk about the daughter I wasn't and ask her to forgive my selfishness.

When do you first remember feeling like an adult? Did it come early or late in life?

I first felt like an adult when I went off to college without mother and father telling me what I should do. I called home often just to run some thoughts by my mother and get her advice but for the first time, I was directing my own life.

What fads have you seen come and go? What do you like about how society has changed since you were a child? What don't you like about how society has changed?

Women wear pants so tight I can't imagine how they breathe and skirts with very little material. I don't like to see exposed bellies and plunging necklines or shorts so skimpy you can see "you know what." I don't like those changes in society. I'm dismayed when I read news stories about our political leaders' sexual exploits. I'm sure they went on when I was a child but now these scandals are on the news 24/7. I've seen many hairstyles come and go and fashions repeat in cycles. I remember my Aunt Mary had a lovely suit trimmed with fur on the jacket sleeves and skirt hemline. I saw this same style this past winter so if you can hang on to your clothes long enough, they will again be in style at some point. The change I like in society today is the prominent role women have taken in business and government. I do not like all the sex on television and in the newspapers. I think children are growing up too fast today. Girls become women long before they are ready to assume that role. I see teenagers walking around with their babies and such vulgar language in our society - I'm appalled. I have seen a change in the manner children regard their teachers. I feared my teachers and respected them with the highest regard as I did my parents. Today, it's all about the child. I've seen a change in housing as well. Homes have more amenities and are they worth the million dollar prices they demand? How did my parents get by without credit cards and blackberries? How did I? I never felt disadvantaged.

Do you have definite goals? Did you achieve them? Are you still working on them? Any new ones?

I wanted to be a teacher and I achieved that. Of course, there were obstacles to overcome, like the cost of tuition. I worked each summer and put the money I earned toward my tuition. I wanted to get married and I did that as well. I wanted to become a mother and I did that five times. Now all I want is to rest and enjoy the years I have left. That's the goal I'm working on right now. And I could reach that goal if Ed would only retire.

Did you have a year of living dangerously or recklessly?

No, I lived with my parents until I married Ed and unless you count my years in college, I never lived alone.

When you really think about your childhood, was it completely carefree, or did you have worries even then?

I'm sure I worried about happenings in my childhood. It was so long ago, I can't think of what they were. Every child cries over something - hurt feelings, insecurity, sibling rivalry, a toy I wanted but didn't get. On the whole, I had a wonderful childhood.

Were you the same person you are now when you were a child, or were you very much different?

I think my personality has remained the same.

If you could change anything in your life, what would you change?

I would change the way I lived the last years of my mother's life. If I could rewind back to 1988, I'd quit working and devote my time to her needs.

Hard Questions

Who did you trust and / or respect most in your life?

I trusted my parents and followed their advice except for my father who didn't want me to attend college. I think he changed his mind when I finally graduated and got my first teaching job. Both my parents liked Ed and thought he'd be a good husband, provide for my well being. I respected both sets of grandparents. They overcame many hardships and were the subject of discrimination. These difficulties made them stronger as they sought to flee Russia and Poland and build a new life in America.

Did you have any real vices / bad habits?

Yes I do. As I've said elsewhere, I am a very impatient person. I must work on this very annoying habit.

Would you prefer a burial, cremation, mausoleum, Viking funeral, or something else?

I would prefer a graveside service. Ed and I have not purchased a burial plot. The synagogue does provide one for its members but I'd like to be buried near my parents on Jewel Street instead of in West Haven where the synagogue has its cemetery. Cremation is against Jewish law. I want a headstone and not a footstone which some cemeteries require. I'd like the headstone to read " Beloved wife, mother, grandmother and friend." If Ed and I haven't picked out a headstone before my death I know my children will select a beautiful stone with a Jewish star carved in it. There is enough money in the estate to pay for burial costs.

What do you want said about you at your eulogy?

I'd like my children to speak at my funeral as long as they stick to the truth. I've attended funerals where the Rabbi spoke of the deceased and I didn't recognize this person. I want whoever speaks at my funeral to be truthful and not glamorize my life.

Write your obituary.

I'll leave that painful job to someone else. I'm not ready to write my obituary, for I'm not ready to die. I'd like to select the stone with Ed while we are both still on this earth. I don't want to leave that chore to my children.

Do you feel that you put enough energy into parenting as you should have? Did you have energy left to take care of your parents in their later years?

In retrospect I think I could have been a better parent especially to Jonathan. I had no idea that much of his behavioral problems were caused by the head injury he sustained in the car accident. Although we had him tested many times, nothing showed up on his scans until he was almost 20. As far as caring for my parents, I did what I could but it wasn't enough. I know that now. I wish I knew it then. I helped my mother care for my father but after his death, I turned inward thinking of my needs. I wanted some time for myself, how selfish of me. I was always there for my parents and even though I had a husband and five children, a home and a career, I could have spent more time with my mother.

Is there anyone you envied in life? Why?

I'm sure I did envy others but that envy did not engulf my life. I wanted to be tall like my sister or a great beauty like my Aunt Mary. I wanted to have a sense of humor like my cousin Marvin or a gift of words like my mother. My life has been good and I am very satisfied with the endowments I have.

What big things do you regret? Was there a turn in the road you should have taken? What small things do you regret?

I regret that I could not be the catalyst that would reunite my niece, Betsy, with her family. Betsy turned away from her parents and siblings after graduating high school. She'd come back to them and then leave again. She stayed with us for a few weeks and as much as I tried to tell her that her parents loved and worried about her she would have none of it. I suspected she suffered from a psychotic disorder which turned out to be Schizophrenia. It was impossible to reason with her. We didn't have any contact with her for a long while after that until she showed up at the hospital to see her mother near the end of her mother's battle with lung cancer. I saw the tears in Betsy's eyes when she held her mother's hand. Then she was gone again. I heard from her a few years later, a panic call for help. She was pregnant and wanted an abortion. Would her Uncle Ed take her into New York to the abortion clinic? Betsy had reached legal age, so the decision was hers to make although we tried our best to dissuade her, suggesting a better decision would be to put the baby up for adoption. She refused to call her father, the rightful person to be with her at this painful time. So Ed and I drove Betsy into New York City where the doctors at the clinic aborted her fetus. We stayed overnight in a hotel until it was safe for her to return home, wherever that home was. Every seat in the clinic was occupied. Some girls bragged that this was their third visit. Others sat next to the adult who had brought them, crying softly. I recently read a statistic that 3 out of 10 girls in the United States will get pregnant by age 20. During the drive home she kept asking us, "was it a girl, was it a boy?" We did not know. The doctors at the clinic did not give out that information. She slept at our house that night, and then she was gone again. The last I heard, she was living with a man in Essex and working for a newspaper in Branford. I contacted her, she spoke to me on the phone, promised to give me her address and phone number. Since that phone call, I've had no further contact. In my heart I know she will call us if she needs our help. This is my deepest regret, not so much the abortion as terrible as that was, but that Ed and I could not reach her heart, could not get her to reconcile with her family. Her dad, now remarried and living in North Carolina, has been diagnosed with the early onset of Alzheimer's disease. If and when she meets her father again, it may be too late. He might not recognize who she is.

Do you have a character trait that you'd like to give up? Are you selfish? Are you timid?

Yes, I'm too impatient. I'd like to find a way to give that character trait up. I don't put off until tomorrow what I can do today. I'll try to work on this for I know it annoys Ed and my children.

Do you have any fears or phobias? Have they changed during your lifetime? How much have they affected you?

I have a fear of heights. I think I got this phobia from my father who feared driving over bridges. I become dizzy when I'm on a high floor and peer out the window at the street below. I don't like elevators and prefer an escalator but sometimes I have no choice so I clench the bar, if there is one, and grit my teeth until the doors open. I cannot ride on an elevator that climbs the exterior of a building unless I'm surrounded by people. This fear has prohibited me from many tourist sites in New York such as the Statue of Liberty and The Empire State Building. I don't have that fear on an airplane though, I think because I'm seated with someone next to me.
I fear death, not the finality of it but the getting there. I have little pain tolerance so I pray I die peacefully in my sleep. I witnessed the pain my parents endured through open heart surgery, years in and out of the hospital, with no quality of life and, at last, they took their last breath. I pray that will not be the path I take to death.

Is there a character trait that you'd like to pass on? Would you like your descendants to have your sense of humor or your knowledge of something you think is important?

I believe my children already exhibit the trait I'd like to pass on - compassion for others and a desire to help those less fortunate.

If you could be cloned, would you want that?

No, one of me is enough.

What was your proudest moment in life? Second and third proudest moments?

I had five proud moments in my life giving birth to my children. It is the greatest thing I've ever accomplished. This pride just keeps on growing as I've witnessed the wonderful adults they have become.

What person or persons affected your life the most?

My parents, of course, for they were my first teachers.

What has held your emotional stability together through the years?

I believe my husband has held me together emotionally for he is very unemotional and doesn't give in to my fears and tears. He can rationalize the world and smooth the wrinkles that cause me to break apart. He has been my rock for almost 50 years.

If you started an organization or business what would it be?

I once considered opening a daycare well before there were so many of them. Ed and I looked at a house for sale off Amity Road in Woodbridge that we could remodel to meet Connecticut's strict requirements. But then Ed crunched the numbers and we agreed we just couldn't afford to do it. The foundation had shifted, new plumbing and electrical needed updating and a host of other costs. We walked away. We made the right choice for not long after, I got the job at the Woodbridge Library as a circulation clerk that led to my going back to school for my library degree. "All's well that ends well."

If you could have designed your life from infancy up, how would it play?

I am happy with the life I've lived. I would not change a thing except my height. I would have liked to be two inches taller.

If you hold a fundamental truth or believe in a universal principle, what is it?

I believe that those who have much should give to those who have little. Be compassionate, be generous, be truthful.

Heavy Questions

What was the happiest moment of your life? The saddest?

The happiest moment in my life was walking down the aisle to become Ed's wife. The saddest moment was holding my dead 6-week old grandson in my arms, rocking him, kissing him, pouring my heat into his cold body.

What are the most important lessons you've learned?

I haven't perfected it yet, but I've come to realize that there is no point worrying about things I have no control over. It's an important lesson that still requires practice. I have learned that people of all races and creeds are pretty much alike. There is more that pulls us together than pushes us apart.

Are there any words of wisdom you'd like to pass along to particular family members or friends?

Yes. Please care about each other and don't be a stranger to your family.

How has your life been different than what you'd imagined?

I never imagined that I would live my entire life a few miles from where I was raised. I never anticipated I would use a portable phone, own a computer, have a cell phone. In my wildest dreams, I never would have thought I'd pray at the Wailin